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| When I am delivering more than one order, the customer I know tips goes first no matter how late it will make the other order. | |
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| While you may have heard that I am either making an obscene amount of money, or that I am lucky to cover the gas it takes to do the job, I am going to both confirm and deny as neccesary. | |
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| When you open the door I am grading your house, based on estimated value, odor, size of television, how much or how little furniture, and overall neatness. | |
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| If you order often and make it a personal policy to not tip the driver, I am remembering you much better than I will let on, and you will get extra toppings on your pizza. | |
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| All the drivers talk to each other and know each other very well, and many of us keep very detailed lists which we share. | |
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| I fart in my car while I drive to your house with the pizzas in the seat next to me. | |
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