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| I left work early because of the lies about me. They say I'm gay. They say I'm addicted to pistachios. They say my hair color isn't real. They say all I do is play video games and eat pistachios. | |
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| Specifically "Roller Coaster Tycoon." | |
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| I heard this rumor that last year my daughter eloped with an Arabian prince, and that his other two wives were ostriches. How do they come up with this stuff? | |
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| The version I heard, they were fish. | |
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| Lies! Last year when I was out with malaria, they said I was having a sex change. I even heard that Hitler was my uncle! Anyway. How did you find me out here? | |
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| There's a trail of pistachio shells all the way from the parking lot. | |
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