It isn't often that I deviate from my traditional spiel about how you should move out of mom and dad's place and get a real job, but this year, I just want you to know that I love you.
I... moved out of mom and dad's six months ago. I've been working at the impound lot for the last three years and I make a pretty good living. We can't all be lead singers in cover bands, Fred.
Oh, so I guess mom and dad didn't tell you..
What's wrong?
I've got throat cancer.
I'm prepared to give you my throat if you need a donor.
