Dad, do you remember when I was young and I slipped and fell at Niagra Falls and you met that woman and we moved to Canada for 8 years?
Yeah.
Those were the worst years of my life. I was actually molested by our neighbor and I know you lied to me about running over Sir Chuckles.
Phil Peterson molested you?
I lied. I just wanted you to finally admit you ran over my dog.
Fine, I ran over your damn dog. Here's another secret, Phil Peterson was my lover and he used to brag about a teen boy he was fucking on the side. If that was you drop trow now and let's do this.
