All comics by downer

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by downer
6-13-03
When in prison, one will be confronted by men. Burley men. Burley men who will do anything to....defile your tooshie.
Where can i get me some sweet boy-ass?
In order to ward off these Burley Men, give them your cutest look possible. This will distract them. Why? *shrug* Beats the hell out of me.
But he's so KYOOOT!
Surprisingly, this TICKLES.
But don't be TOO cute, because then...well, shit. You're just fucked. I'm getting out of here before the fourth panel happens.
YOU'RE SO CUTE IT HURTS! you're gonna die, boy, you're gonna die....
Bound to happen.

 

by downer
6-13-03
God bless southern stereotypes.
We have journeyed dar and wide to learn about your planet. Our anticipation for the exchange of knowledge between our two races is staggering!
What in the fuck happened to yer head, boy? Yer lookin' crazier than a pair o' skunks in heat at a hoe down!
....
Well?
Damn cowboy. So stupid....Although i do firmly concur with his statement in this panel.
Your planet will be destroyed in T-12 seconds.
Shit.

 

by downer
6-13-03
Woe is me! I am spooky. I'm so spooky, it pains the inards of my soul.
My constant social rejection has gotten me SO low that my insides are burning like the 7th Level of Hell. Twisting, burning, and screaming, they are calling for an end to all my suffering.
I love making fun of myself....
...But NO! I MUST go on, so i can pretend to be scary and twisted when really, i'm squeamish around the slightest bit of blood. I shall make a call!...Damn you cruel world.
Suicide Hotline, please hold.

 

by downer
6-13-03
Hey man, I just got the new Children of Bodom album...On vinyl!
Oh, yeah! Well I just got the new Children of Bodom album ON vinyl AND it's a Japenese import! SO THERE!
Heheheheheh...
Yeah, this ACTUALLY happens.
FUCK YOU, NARC!
That was weak, dude. Just weak.

 

by downer
6-13-03
Can you feel Tim's sarcasm? I can.
Tim, you seem more like a drummer than a guitarist. It's kinda odd.
Why? Because i'm kinda big and not so attractive?
Well, yeah.
Contrived background, no?
Yeah....where DID those ambulances come from?
You are so fucking lucky those frighteningly convenient ambulances are here.

 

by downer
6-13-03
These people actually exist.
I'm a character that plays the part of downer in this comic. When people read my poetry, i pretend to be modest, but really, on the inside, i have beaming rainbows puking cute bunnies of narcissism.
I'm Tim. I read Fangoria, listen to Swedish black metal, and watch B-Movies all day long. I'm hard core, really. I am.
I'm Tom. I smoke pot non-fucking-stop and i'm not doing so well in college. I'm a total user. Give me gifts and you shall have a superficial yet eternal place in my materialistic heart.
I'm Mark. I live most of my life out of a KFC bucket. Why? Because i'm addicted to food. I even engage in self stimulation using chop-sticks and pork tenderloin. Teehee, I'm so naughty!...AND hungry.
You know, Brian, for once, you're right.
I'm Brian. I look too much like Kurt Cobain. I love being single. Women are EVIL, i hear, they eat your soul through your penis. Iron Maiden good. Def Leppard bad. I'm lonely on the inside...
I'm downer's girlfriend, Kate. He's too scared to put ironic and sarcastic remarks about me in this dialogue box because i OWN him. I stole his heart, soul, AND money. BWAHAHAHA! I AM COUNT BITCHULA!

 

by downer
6-14-03
Dude, did you just take some acid?
.......
Well?
.......
.......Maybe....

 

by downer
6-14-03
7:30pm
So then, she was all, "You're weird." and i was like,"Psh, no way, bi-atch. I'm the shiz-nit." And then she was all,"Oh, get away from me. I don't like you." and then I says,"Pa-LEASE...
8:40pm
....I got this new kilt, see? People say it's a skirt but i'm all,"NO WAY, BIZ-NATCH! I'm a Scottish pure-blood homie-g, yo! Representin'!" And they just go,"Nah, you's a queer foo," So i say......
Jesus, he's been going on like this for what seems like an eternity. I wonder if he know how to shut up...Hey, is that a penny? Oh, no, it's just a copper colored condom....Damn! Is he still talking?!
10:04pm
....We were hiking, and then, like, all of a sudden, we were attacked by this HUGE grizzly bear. Luckily, i had a hard one, so i was feelin', like SUPER manly. Anywa-
Shit, Sam. Honestly, who gives a fuck?

 

by downer
6-14-03
Shit. I need to piss.

 

by downer
6-15-03
Hey, Ben, it's Brian. How's it going, dude?
.....I'm, uh.....uh....Shit, dude, what that word i'm looking for? Uh....FINE! Yeah, that's it, i'm fine.
Um...Okay, man, you wanna come over and jam for a couple of hours?
.......Spong-Butt Square-Dick......
Fuck! Ben, are you stoned?!
...Hold up man...I'm kinda freaked....My phone's, like, talkin' to me and, like, it's all on the hook and stuff......

 

by downer
6-16-03
DAMN! Look at those breasts....All bouncy and and and HUGE i could just....*drool*............
JESUS! She has the face of an angel! Oh lord, come to daddy, CUM to daddy....
SHIT! That ASS! It's so nice and plump! and those LEGS! Dear Christ, those legs! I just wanna get all inbetween them and and and....
AHHHHHHHHHH! OH YES! UHUHUH! COME ON! CUM ON! OH BABY! UNGH!!!!!
Five minutes Later...
Hey, Downer, did the boss just add a fresh coat of white paint? It still looks wet.
I dunno. Last time i checked, Rob was standing there. Maybe he was painting the window....Why would you want to paint a window?

 

by downer
6-21-03
Hey, Jim. How's it going?
Whoa....Mark, i'm...OKEY DOKEY SMOKEY NOKEY!
Um...Jim...Your shirts on inside out.
Heh...I, like, know.
Why's it inside out?
Heheheheh...I put it on that way...Heh.

 

by downer
9-28-03
Hi there, little one! How are YOU today? Would you like some cigarettes?
My daddy says smoking is bad foryour health and that you should take things from strangers. Go away you stinky, awful portrayal of a happy go lucky cigarette!
....'kay. PLEASE, kid! PLEASE! I'll love you for ever and ever! I'll even be your best friend!
Why would i want a stinking, festering, walking tube of lung cancer for a best friend? Man, you suck.
Let me get this straight...You strapped the girl down on the bench, after which you shoved cigars down her throat and sat on her face?
....Uh...Hi there, little one! How are YOU today? Would you like some cigarettes?

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