Buy a paper, mister? Big news, today! Weapons of mass destruction have been found in Iran, North Korea, and even Canada.
No, I read the Onion online before it hits the streets. Come, follow me through this abandoned subway.
Welcome, Willy Wanton. I am the grand wizard Shagleg. Repeat my name, and you shall be as a god.
S ................... (Sloth) H ................ (Hubris) A ................. (Anger) G ............. (Gluttony) L ................... (Lust) E ................... (Envy) G ................ (Greed)
Whenever you repeat my name, you will transform into Kapitän Übel, which in English is Captain Evil. Go now and do evil!
Shove off, old man! I'll do whatever I damn well please, and right now I want to eat a ton of burgers, watch some porn, and take a long nap.
