All comics by gwynzilla

Profile

 

by gwynzilla
9-19-02
Who are you?
I am your evil fairy godmother.
But you're a guy.
I am your own private spiritual guru. I am the embodiment of purpetuating evil and cynicism. Wherever you are, I am. I shall wisper in your ear like a soft wind, breeding corruption and hate.
That's cool. Wanna make out?
Hmm...

 

by gwynzilla
9-19-02
Dear God: Thank you for all the pwetty things you've made. For all the bunnies and sunsets and trees and pink sea shells...
ESPECIALLY butterflies. I know you're real busy but pwease give me a sign that you hear me.

 

by gwynzilla
9-19-02
Vengeful mediocrity strikes again...
Success requires both goal-oriented strategy and a positive mental attitude. Also, a knowledge of what will get you ahead in today's competitive working force.
This sounds oddly like bombastic upper middle class bull shit.
You could waste your life studying philosophy or art or theoretical physics or other juvanile fancies, but you'll never be financially successful unless you pursue a career in computer technology.
But... I like... art...
Gwyne's future is not important. The anti-Christ already walks the earth.
You have no direction in life, do you, Miss Gwyne?
Hey, I work at McDonalds

 

by gwynzilla
9-19-02
foreplay with WiL.
PLEASE let's do it up the ass.

 

by gwynzilla
9-20-02
You know what words I hate: "We're not hiring, but we're accepting applications." Stupid fuckers. Why can't I find a COOL job.
I already have a cool job. I'm the voice of evil.
So why can't you talk to your manager and get me hired?
So do you have any previous experience?

 

by gwynzilla
9-21-02
Yeah, so my asshole boyfriend dumped me for some hoe who works at a Pizza King.
Yeah, men suck.
So, I decided to express my animosity in a healthy sort of way by writing "die bitch die" on her windshield and leaving a disembied animal in the driver's seat.
That was very tao of you.
So what do you do when you get dumped?
Hmm.. I eat Taco Bell, rent porn and French Kiss the back of my hand.

 

by gwynzilla
9-21-02
Gwyne, I love you more than life itself... my soul, my being cries out for your touch. Your eyes are fawns drinking from cool water... your rosy lips like sweet, fallen pettles...
I burn for you. To you, I owe poetry, beauty, and inspiration. My soul is yours... My darling, I adore you. You are as beautiful as dawn...................
Stalker.
Later...
...he said all that to you? Oh my God, I'm so jealous! You have, like, the perfect guy.
I know! When he said it I was just like "aw how sweet!"

 

by gwynzilla
10-02-02
So it appears I have unknowingly made an enemy.
Ahh, yes. Benco the comic creator. What an asshole.
But then again, I have to rationalize that it isn't actually me he dislikes. It is you.. my personal voice of evil and facet of extreme.... evil-ness.
Ha! And he has pissed off the voice of evil! Foolish mortal. Do you desire me to eat his eyeballs and drain his blood?
Naturally.
The perks of this job make it worth the lack of dental insurance.

 

by gwynzilla
10-02-02
Listening to friends counsel you on dating.
Alright. Here's a lesson in dating for the modern woman. Sex.. that's just your basic second date bull shit.
If you know a guy's middle name, then you're like kinda serious. That's a sign of a 6-8 month relationship. You might even end up keeping a toothbrush at his place.
But if you're watching home videos and cuddling too much before about the third month, pull out... it's an early sign that he's an obsessive control freak.
You are so wise.

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