Mwahaha! Silly Scottish Person! I, Ruud van Nistelrooy, am here to ruin your day!
Look. I've just discovered that I am indirectly responsible for the death of a close friend. I don't think there's any way you can make my day even worse.
Dead? A friend of yours? Really?
Yes. He was shot in a theatre whole on a blind date I'd hastily arranged because I didn't have the heart to tell him to stop hitting on me.
That's terrible. I just had sex with his corpse, you know.
