All comics by myles_d

Profile

 

by myles_d
8-09-04
Welcome to China, friend.
Judy what the hell are we doing here?
We came to teach English, remember.
Let me show you around.
Where the fuck's that return ticket?

 

by myles_d
8-09-04
Hi I'm your new Academic Director. Welcome to China.
Aw shit, sweet. I'm totally ready to teach.
Here's one of your new students now, actually. Her name is Wu Xiga Huade KowLa BeaWo FuGow Soom Li Na Chu Qi TamLu Gregory.
Haiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii teacherrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr !!!!!!! YOU CAN CALL ME FORGET. THAT'S SHORT FOR 'FORGET ABOUT YOUR LIFE, WE OWN YOU NOW'.
He doesn't know what he's in for. We must make master proud. Operation Head Fuck commence.
Indeed. Let us begin the process of turning his brain into mush.

 

by myles_d
8-09-04
My name's Mr. Tzao. I'm your landlord.
Cool, nice to meet you. I'm Myles.
Fuck with anything in your apartment, AND I MEAN ANYTHING AND I'LL GUT YOU LIKE A FISH. I'LL MAKE SURE OGRISH.COM GETS IT.
Nice place ya got here!
YOU BETTER HAVE UNDERSTOOD THE TERMS OF OUR AGREEMENT, FOREIGN SPY...
Hey I gotta take a huge dump. Where's your living room?

 

by myles_d
8-09-04
...ok kids, so that's how you make an Atom bomb. Class is over!
Yay! Recess!
Joy! Time to break, swear, throw, fight, burn and crush! Otherwise we aren't normal Chinese children.
Wow that was so rewarding, I'm really enjoying my childhood.
Well since we took over these bodies last week, I think it's gone pretty well so far. Let's go smash some desks.

 

by myles_d
8-09-04
Whoa this city rox. Blue lights, yellow lights, grey lights oh my!
Um. You're not from here. What are you doing here. You're not allowed here. Why are you here? You shouldn't be here. Devil. Fuck you.
Hey man what's up with the locals? I thought you guys were supposed to be friendly.
I know where you live. Arrival of the foreign devil is all over the police band. We will be watching you. Now go away, you're cramping my style. Devil.

 

by myles_d
8-09-04
At the end of the day
Life's tough here...at least I have my good 'ole interweb machine. Let me write some e-mails.
The regular site-blocking by my ISP
Hey I can't access Hotmail, or Yahoo! Hey what the hell?!?!?!?
Eventually...
DAMN YOU CHINA! DAMN YOU TO HELLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!

 

by myles_d
8-09-04
5:30 AM on the dot
6:30 AM ... still going ...
7:00 AM
*Yawn* What the hell was that??? World War 3???
No, idiot! Here in China we play the national anthem every morning at 5:30. The children sing along and exercise. Enjoy life here, fool!

 

by myles_d
8-09-04
At the office
I wonder if anyone can help me make photocopies around here...
Hi. What can I do for you? *cough*
Hi, I need to make 20 copies for my class, can you do that for me?
Sure I can do that for you...just lemme press a few buttons on the machine and ... here we go ...
Somewhere I didn't wanna be
Holy shit...she sent me to...oh my god...NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 

by myles_d
8-09-04
At the office...
Hey I'm going back to Canada for a month. I need a new Visa. Can you help me out? I have enough money and all the papers have been filled out. I need it soon though.
Oh hi foreign friend, of course, it would be my pleaure to take time away from my tv-watching to help you get on your way.
His barganing method...
You do know you're going have to bribe me, right? I mean, Duh.
The outcome. Not good.
Oh...um, ok...how much um will you need?
Well seeing as how this process is extremely difficult and complex...I'll need your life savings, a pair of shoes with laces and a copy of Pootie Tang. NOW.

 

by myles_d
8-09-04
Yay! It's party time! Time to go nuts PeeYu!
Of course! Class time provides us with ample 'crazyness' opportunities.
AWESOMEEEEEEEE
WAHHOOOOOOOOOO
Hey what the fuck's going on here? I just started class 2 minutes ago!?
Oh sorry teacher sir, we don't care for your pathetic attempt to give us knowledge. We're Chinese and we know everything already. GO AWAY

 

by myles_d
8-09-04
Hey lemme try this place out. It looks ok. Except for that waiter who looks like an owl...Oh well. It's China.
Excuse me sir, would you like to try our special tonight, Guo You Rou? (translation : rat infested puss brain camel hump chicken claw delight)
Oh yes, that sounds good, i'll have that.
Oh my god, he said yes! Finally, a sale! C'mon get it together, you need this!!
At least it can't get any worse than this. Or can it...

 

by myles_d
8-09-04
Duhhhhh...
?
Duhhhhh...
?
What the fuck...
...I have no idea.

 

by myles_d
8-09-04
10:00 am
hey man dude totally i mean like, i saw her and she totally digs me i can't believe it oh my god did you see that movie last night christ i almost shit my pants i had some chips and i was up all n...
ok
3:00 pm
...night and yesterday i was really sick and all i needed was soup man, i had to get some fucking soup man, i mean, man, where the fuck was i gonna get soup HERE Man?!? christ you try to get soup ...
yeah
9:00 pm
So, how you doin' man?
oh will SOMEBODY kill me please!!

 

by myles_d
8-09-04
Sweetie, I really need to go to the bathroom....
Ok...hey check it out, there's one right here.
Goddamn that reeks.
You couldn't pay me enough to go in there.
It's just a fucking hole in the ground!!!
Good luck baby, don't fall in!

 

by myles_d
8-09-04
*humming* "used to get pussy, but I busted off quick Now I gets none so I gotta beat my dick Times are hard in the ghetto, I gotta steal for a living"
Hey Morgan how are you doing?
Yeah ... yeah ... you? What you got?
I'm doin' allright
Yeah, yeah. Gotta get the shit straight, know what i'm sayin'
Can you even hear me? Am I even here? What language am I speaking?

 

by myles_d
8-09-04
Look, you've broken 42 clauses in our contract. We want at least 5,000 more per month, each, or else we're leaving.
You have money coming out of your ass. And, we're your best teachers; if we leave, your school will crumble!!!!!!!
Christ, they're right. What do I do, what do I do?!?!?
I is boss!!! No way!!!
Ok...How about 4,990 more per month?
Ok

 

by myles_d
8-09-04
Look, Judy, I have your schedule for next week. You're working 928 hours.
Hey wait a second Cathy; isn't there only 168 hours in a week??
Uh...maybe!
I wonder what 'maybe' actually means to Chinese people...

 

by myles_d
8-09-04
Hey Jason here is Christina's phone number. Maybe the 2 of you could hang out.
So what's she like? I mean is she totally cute? Will she like me? I think i'll invite her to that Pizza joint downtown, they have great food there; know what i'm sayin' man?
Hey how you doin'? I'm like so happy to meet you, I mean christ, I need to find a place that sells good soup. Do you like soup? This one time, like, I ...
...found this can of like, mystery soup and I was like "should I try it" I really didn't have the balls, but now I'm totally in another country and fuck it, I'm like, who cares, and ...
loser

 

by myles_d
8-09-04
So you remember that medical exam I paid for in March? You need to pay me back. That will be 2,000 RMB please.
Ouch. That is not good.
It's cool. We're taking it out of your September 1st salary
Amazing! We'll be gone by then
hehe I just fucked her over, she only owes 200!
Excellent. That will do nicely.

 

by myles_d
8-09-04
TAKE FUCKING COVERRRRRRRR
WATCH OUT BEHIND YOU !#@^!#@#^)@
Hey what the hell is going on over there !?!?
Oh that's nothing. Just Taiwan attacking the mainland.
So...shouldn't we be getting outta here?
No way, I've got 50$ riding on Taiwan!

 

by myles_d
8-10-04
hah! Even I don't get stared at in China! I'm Chinese!

 

by myles_d
8-10-04

FIGHT
The president cancelled the fight
Drrrrriiiinnnngggg

 

by myles_d
8-11-04
My name's John Titor. I'm a time traveler from 2036.
For more info about me check out www.johntitor.com
We're really space monkeys from Saturn.
lol

 

by myles_d
8-11-04
CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?
CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?
CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?

 

by myles_d
8-11-04
I feel sad ------------- Well I want to marry you, but I can't because I'm American.
Why, hunny? -------- Oh, darn it; that's an even bigger problem than finding new curtains for the kitchen :( :( :(
Where, oh where is that wonderful land not terribly far from here where our dream could possibly come true?
Hmmmm . . . . .
Hey guys, my girlfriend and I are going to Canada to get married, wanna come along? We're also planning on moving there.
YAY!!!! Michael Moore was right...there IS hope!!!

 

by myles_d
8-11-04
In the oval office
General, Sir, Chief Commander and Supreme leader, ultimate of ultimates, honey, the briefing will commence shortly.
At the briefing Colin is informed by Mr. Goss
We've amassed a large amount of information pertaining to imminent attacks in the homeland; we need to act immediately. What do you recommend Sir Colin Powell?
Well that sounds pretty important..let me get right on that...erm after my nap.
All is well that ends well.
Yes well it all boils down to 1 question; does Sudan or Iran have cheaper sluts?
Last time I checked it was Sudan, sweetie. Hehe lemme get the B 52's ready.

 

by myles_d
8-11-04
Before
OMG PLZ WITHDRAW YOUR TROOPS FROM IRAQ I SWEAR IT'S TOTALLY BAD TO DO WHAT WE'RE DOING THERE
During the 'beheading'
ALLAH MOHAMMED ALIQ KAZAA NAPSTER LIMEWIRE BLA FAW MALI MOROCCO
BIN LADEN DESTROY JIHAD 0WNZ j00 l33t0 d13 plz KTHZ
After
Yeah so that's how I became a councillor in San Francisco.
God bless America!

 

by myles_d
8-11-04
So the Olympics are beginning this weekend...
Sure are. Are you excited? We get to watch TV for a reason now!!
Sure are.
So you gonna root' for the Dream Team?
You lace your Corn Pops with cocaine, don't you?!?

 

by myles_d
8-11-04
Myles makes a discovery
Hey I was looking at a map of Europe today and I found this city in Norway called 'Hammerfest'.
Richard approves
Seriously? Imagine getting hammered there? "I'm hammered in Hammerfest", HAHA
That would kick ass dude.
Totally.

 

by myles_d
8-11-04
The bet
Do you have skills?
I could kill you with my 'eagle claw' move.
Excellence
What if I recite 'The Wizard of Oz' in its entirety?
DAMN YOU FIEND YOU KNOW MY WEEKNESS
The end
You owe me 30$
Fuck off.

 

by myles_d
8-11-04
So Richard, dude, you have 4 Slovak supermodels in your classroom, they're 16 years old but you haven't made your move yet?
Well it's not exactly easy to approach them Myles...they're so hot, they're intimidating.
I AM THE FATHER OF THE 3 DEVIL VIRGINS AND IF YOU LAY 1 FINGER ON THEM I'LL SHOVE MY AX UP YOUR URETHRA
boy that cocaine really kicked in

 

by myles_d
8-13-04
I finally have a Gmail invite to send!! Who wants it!?!
Gmail? What's that.
It's the cool new webmail offered by google. Oh 1 thing though, they scan your e-mail and post 'relevant ads' about the content in your inbox.
Well I'm into cocaine, war and Texas. I wonder what websites they'd recommend.
I'm pretty sure you'd be able to find the WhiteHouse website quite easily.
Cool

 

by myles_d
8-13-04
Oh Yeah Oh Yeah we're rocking for Democrats!!
Heyyyyyyyyy what's all the commotion here ?
What do you mean? We're just rockinnnnnnnn' ouuuuut!!!!
You're 'rockin' out' in front of my house at 5:00 am, smelling like Absynth, alone and in the middle of the road. Barefoot. Walking on glass.
Awwwwwwwwww Yeah!!!! Freedom of Speech man!!!!!!!!
Well he's got a point.

 

by myles_d
8-16-04
Hey where am I?!?
You're in the Stripcreator laboratory, silly! This is where we prepare insults and mindless rants for new members.
Oh I always wondered where those came from.
Well now you know!
...
...

 

by myles_d
8-16-04
Ok well the damage is pretty bad, Mr Bush.
How bad?
Looks like Hurricane Charley took out all the buildings that housed the voting machines.
So we'll have to count everything by hand!?!
Oh well, such are things in the USA.
Here's 2000$.

 

by myles_d
12-03-04
"DEAR CANADIANS...I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR WHAT YOU DID SEPTEMBER 11th, YOU SHELTERED AMERICANS IN A TIME OF NEED"
ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US
You're welcome Mr. Bush!
hehe Dumb canuck prime minister whom I don't know the name
You're 3 years late, dumb Yank

 

by myles_d
7-01-05
Kids, today is Canada Day!!! And we are expecting a very special call from the president of the United States!!
ring! ring! ring!
Well sir, I would like to congra-chew-late you on Canada's birthday. Do you guys have hippo farms? Bye bye Mr Poutine!
Hippo farms? Mr Poutine?
Kids today we celebrate our uniqueness...and the fact that the longest border between 2 countries, worldwide, separates us from the rednecks!
Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!

 

by myles_d
7-01-05
Ok...is my mic on? Let's fucking do this shit, christ I hate my life...
...had to come all the way from Florida to interview these fucking Canucks on their goddamned independance day, crummy fucking assignement...
Oh um hi! My name's Dan Snyder and we're live here in BEAUTIFUL Montreal for Canada day! WOW what an experience! This is awesome!
Hands behind your head, eh.

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