quodlibet  

Dear Santa, I am beginning to doubt your so-called omniscience.

Since May, I have written to you every single day without fail; I thought a kindred god-like figurehead with your unthinking cult following would appreciate the discourse of a fellow god-figure.

If you do not answer soon, I will conduct a swift campaign to disenfranchise your would-be army. I will write to the Tooth Fairy instead. Yours sincerely.