quodlibet  

Hi. Can I share your bench? My room stinks of dying animals, and the ghosts of dead raccoons haunts my troubled sleep.

Buzz off.

I've tried perfumes and odour-cleaners. My friends ask what's that new cologne I'm using. Nobody wants to sit beside me in class anymore.

I've discovered the source of the odour. It appears you've been walking over a dead carcass for three weeks now.

I'm going to throw up now.