southlondon  

Did I tell you my new girlfriend is a businesswoman? She takes her work too seriously though. Like she's got this whole system worked out. If I dump her, I have to give two weeks' notice.

If she dumps me, I have to clear out my side of the flat by noon before she calls security. And if I get "laid off.."

Let me guess. She says "It's not you, it's me" but gives you severance pay before you go.

No, that's her word for blowjobs.