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| "osama bin laden was found in north dakota, acting as a school janitor in the state's capital. $49 trillion was found in a suitcase in the janitor's closet (where he reportedly has been living)." | |
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| *gasp* NOT FLIPPER! ANYTHING BUT THAT! OH NO!!! | |
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| "in further news, flipper, the unforgettable network tv star of the early '70s, has died. specialists say it was cancer. rest in peace, flipper. we here at NBC 59 miss you dearly." | |
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| "NEWSFLASH: president bush has just gotten trampled by a herd of cows on his ranch in middle-of-nowhere texas. he is said to be in critical condition." | |
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