Son, I have a confession to make. When you were a baby I had a hormonal imbalance called post-partem depression, and I almost choked you with a Gerber spoon.
Jesus fucking Christ! Is that why you only had one kid?
No there were others. So! What did you get me for Mother's Day?
I was thinking about a new set of kitchen knives, but that's out. How about a restraining order?
A Halmark Moment!
Oh come on. I love you, and I promise I'll never try to kill you again.
And I promise to stop drinking from the milk carton just in case.
