All comics by xdjsorex

Profile

 

by xdjsorex
10-21-02
that is one hot cig
whats up brotha
can i smoke you baby
sure, but not for too long
can i get a cigarette now?
have a nice day

 

by xdjsorex
10-21-02
my jones just got crushed...
can i help you with that
.........
how about some nuts...
no...

 

by xdjsorex
10-21-02
...
"dear erich: we really miss you since the operation..."
...
yes, yes, all you have to do is add more salt and my recipe is complete...
ugh...nevermind
i wonder how many days there are in a minute

 

by xdjsorex
10-21-02
do you ever have the feeling that someone is watching you?
luke, i am your father
oh...
no really, your mother was pretty when i met her
my name is kim-soo

 

by xdjsorex
10-21-02
big brown eye
excuss me?
big brown eye
excuss me?
big brown eye
excuss me?

 

by xdjsorex
10-21-02
the introduction
"...the cool jewel, was the tool to taste the fine ladies stool..."
tell me more, i love city folk...
"...the city streets became the home of the weak and the tired. i am not weak nor am i tired..."
oh oh, i love those muscles...continue, please
the denial
"...and in conclusion, i saved the drowning children from the river because of the tea leaves i smoked."
i wish i could snap my fingers

 

by xdjsorex
10-21-02
he trys...
could you tell me where i might find a walnut tree...
ask a billy the information specialist
...and trys...
could you tell me where i might find a walnut tree...
ask a squirrel
...and finds out that he is not alone
uh oh...
go to hell, i am lost too...

 

by xdjsorex
10-21-02
descriptions...
i don't have a spleen anymore...
my hair is almost like seaweed...
dislikes...
i make love to paper
my boyfriend hates my fake boobs...
dismemberment
i left my legs in dusseldorf
i left my left cheek bone in my makeup bag...

 

by xdjsorex
10-21-02
lick my brain...bitch
i wonder if this creep will drink my pee-serum...
want to take a drink of my brain serum...
sure thing bub...
zooomm!

 

by xdjsorex
10-21-02
dude, help me up
nope...
come on, someone help me up...
what, oh god no...
ugh...oh...geez...oh...help me up...
i wouldn't help you up with my mother-in-law's forklift...you sick fuck

 

by xdjsorex
10-21-02
i got dropped from my dental plan...
you should do something about that...
my hair is green cause i the swamp i bathe in...
how much...?
FREE!
i don't really want to be intimate

 

by xdjsorex
10-22-02
sup bro, want to throw the ol' pill around...?
sorry, i have to hang around here for awhile...
...
hang in there pal...
...thanks for the support

 

by xdjsorex
10-22-02
what is that oak?
...
maple? cherry? what?
...
pine?
check the splinter in my ass...

 

by xdjsorex
10-22-02
i have a question for you...
ok my son...
do these bikini briefs make me look fat?
no...
ok, good...
...but you are fueling my pedophelia

 

by xdjsorex
10-22-02
i love 5 year old boys
i own you
i know
i love weezer
i own you
i know
THE BIG BANG
i own you
EVOLUTION!!!!!!!!!

 

by xdjsorex
10-22-02
the question...
who should i kill today?
who should i kill today?
running out...of...time
one shot left...
good enough for now
ouch...

 

by xdjsorex
10-22-02
i can pull a rabbit out of my hat
oh yeah, lets see
are you ready...
slide one at me brotha...
sorry wrong trick...
chill man...man, you got 20 bucks and 20 minutes?

 

by xdjsorex
10-22-02
what seems to be the problem here...
uh er...uh excuse me, hi, uh hello...uh der uh
have you been smoking up this evening sir?
huhuhuh haha duh der er...uh excuse me, uh der uh hehe hehe haha er...duh, er duh
sir i am going to have to write you a ticket for being a moron
i like men in blue...

 

by xdjsorex
10-22-02
my name is darryl and i am a pearl jam fan...
i wonder when the next star wars movie is coming out
don't touch me with those sticky fingers...
i have never had a date...
so why are you talking to me

 

by xdjsorex
10-22-02
what a nice day...i hope my kidney infection doesn't make me wet myself in public
hello...will you bathe me?
hmmm...do squirrels like showers?
ok, ok, lets just say the censors took us to court...and after 6 months of hearings...the red tape, my contract, and your parents won't let you see the last frame...sorry

 

by xdjsorex
10-22-02
you ever done anal before?
would you like a ballon animal?
do you smell bacon?
who is this creep?

 

by xdjsorex
10-24-02
its really hard to get a belt off with mittens on...
matey, arrrr...grr arrr...matey, cut me a deal matey on this years booty...
ho ho ho...how can i help you young, stick like fellow...
i just told you arrrr...get me an arrrr nice chest of pirate arrrr booty this year...arrrr...matey
its really hard to get a belt off with mittens on...
i'm no theologian, but what day of the 6 did god create denial

 

by xdjsorex
10-24-02
what seems to be bothering you cletus?
i have a wicked headache
i know a way to relieve your pain...its actually quite simple! although it might hurt you...
sally the bird! do tell, do tell!
come with me to the clouds
i don't fell so good up here

 

by xdjsorex
10-24-02
what is that down there?
down where?
you are holding it in your right hand, silly...
oh yeah that...i don't know what that is
this guy is a moron...
this guy is a bee...

 

by xdjsorex
10-24-02
sir, if you tell me where your drugs are i'll let you get off easy...trust me
...
ok, fine i'm going to have to take you into the station...
hmmm
tell me more about "getting of easy"

 

by xdjsorex
10-24-02
yeah so the other day i woke up not wearing pants, and since then i quit my job, molested a boy scout, killed my girlfriend, and grilled up her body, i cleaned my truck, went to a massage therapist...
...i also waxed my body hair, learned two languages, replaced my foreskin with a broken beer bottle neck, i won a nobel prize for literature, i bought and sold the island of guam, became a priest...
i built a super computer that has a 56-0-0 record at chess, watched all of the star wars movies on dvd, vhs, and beta, perfomed brain surgeory, had a date with the prince of egypt, grew this goatee...
taxi!

 

by xdjsorex
10-24-02
she really cute...
i wonder if he likes cricket...
hello...
do you like cricket?
read my shirt bitch...GRETSKY
we don't have ice in Zaire...

 

by xdjsorex
10-24-02
i think we have something in common...
i know we do...
oh how we could become amazing friends
i hate friendly people
stay the fuck out of my tree...

 

by xdjsorex
10-24-02
oh shit its jesus...
hello my earthy creature
i am sorry for all of my sins...please forgive me
even the time you killed that stranger?
whoooo?
that wasn't funny

 

by xdjsorex
10-24-02
jerry warns kyle about his cat
whoa buddy my attack cat doesn't like polyester...she'll maul you...
?
kyles club additude might just get him in trouble
sir! could please remove that red jacket of yours...my rabid, attack cat will tear you from limb to limb...she was trained to attack at red objects...
?
some sexual choices can leave you unscratched
"...man was torn apart by a cat at a house party...the man is in critical condition...he claimed that he was just trying to get some pussy..."
good thing i put my wang in girls asses...exclusively

 

by xdjsorex
10-25-02
gretsky fan likes the winter season
oh how i love the winter season...
an elf?
present?
do you use the "north pole" for part of a hockey net?
disappointment
no time for hockey, we make presents year round for all of the good little boys and girls...
fucker

 

by xdjsorex
10-25-02
"...oh romeo, oh romeo...where art thou romeo..."
dude i am right here or something
"to be or not to be, that is the question..."
you want to hang my from hooks in my back...
this in not the time nor the place...you know i am trying to get myself on broadway...and get your hand out of your pants...come on freddy

 

by xdjsorex
10-25-02
i really should have been more friendly with gretsky fan...
hey, how are you today...
i'm going to teach you about hockey...
its really cold here...can we go to your house where its warm?
die...

 

by xdjsorex
10-25-02
beetle english translation
oh hello mr beetles...
- - click click snap click- -
believe it or not
you are kidding me right?
- - snap snap click snap - -
silly canny
i would have eaten his food too...
what is he talking about?

 

by xdjsorex
10-25-02
we really need a new agent...
yeah
...
...
- - sob - -
we are both clowns in this biz

 

by xdjsorex
10-25-02
at last, we met again
i'll fucking shoot you!
violence isn't the answer...you know that kangy!
one more step and i'll shoot...i swear!
your gun is unloaded...lets talk about somethings
DAMN...where is my boomer-rang

 

by xdjsorex
10-27-02
excuse me, mr. street bum, could you tell me where i could find the unemployment line?
whats the matter? did you get fired from your 49 story highrise office job?
yeah you could say that...
how does it feel to be me
i won't know...my hair is too thin to have dreadlocks...
oh

 

by xdjsorex
10-27-02
mom wants the phone
dear thomas: things are weird...i mean you don't have much of a body...and you wear that god awful blue smock...
when can i use the phone...you know your aunt linda has an irregular menstrual cycle...
step-dad simon needs his firebreathing midget porn fix again
and where is your hair? did you go bald or were you born an ugly freak? and why do i always catch you in a garbage can or with a nail in your forehead?
lad, you got that er...uh...um...er porno downloaded yet? you know your momma will hit me if she catches me looking at it...if she catches you, it just reassures her of your sexuality...
spot is shitting in the basement
"...and why do your eyes look like little black holes in that oval head of yours? can't you afford an operation? oh wait that would require a job and who is going to hire a mangled freak like you..."
did i let the dog out yet today?

 

by xdjsorex
10-27-02
dads itch
hey simon...
you know that i can't look at you without the act of murder crossing my mind
moms version of a valentine
your step-father has a weird way of showing love...like on our honeymoon, he tore my clothes and called me a whore for wanting to have sex with him on a couch...
when will this nightmare end...
friends are there for you
my family is so fucked up...
ryan, you want to see what i bought that bill gates made 140% profit on?

 

by xdjsorex
10-27-02
position
hey do you have hockey under water?
i play left wing
tv selection
you want to watch the '89 playoff on tape?
my tv or yours?
dreams are great
i've never felt this way about a dolphin before...
this is your dream...moron

 

by xdjsorex
10-27-02
oh thank you for creating hockey...
your welcome my son
i plan on changing my birth certificate to say i was born in canada...
thats nice my son
that guy needs some help

 

by xdjsorex
10-27-02
help me out of my cage...i want to fly!
hmm...i could help you out of your cage but it might hurt you
i don't care...i have been cage up like an animal my whole life...get me out of here
ok, but you can't say i haven't warned you...
oww
the air pressure here is a bitch

 

by xdjsorex
10-29-02
hey dad, i think i have a cold...
remember what i told you about calling me "dad"
sorry, i am not "the drunk convict who lost their seed in my cottage cheese for thighs mother" and if i were your son i "would be able to hold my liquor and get out of this town"
right...
that kid of yours is begining to brighten up...we are starting to see eye to eye on somethings
i knew that you guys would become friends in time

 

by xdjsorex
10-29-02
hello, how can i help you?
did you know that the pioneers of hockey used to play on frozen ponds and lakes?
no i didn't...what can i help you with?
do you want to drive by the house that wayne gretsky grew up in?
GO AWAY!
i'll be waiting in the car...

 

by xdjsorex
10-29-02
hello cowboy todd
come hither so i can put this der heavy saddle on ya...
you think i want to ride off into the sunset with you on my back?
won't it be a dandy ol' time?
no
ass

 

by xdjsorex
11-01-02
hey jack, could you help me out?
AND what would i be helping YOU with?
well, you see my arm has fallen off...and i need someone to hold it while i staple it back into place...
don't you know that i am just a fucking pumpkin?
i guess i'll just hold my arm...
"...another pumpkin was thrown off the express way onto smith rd....3 people were injuried..."

 

by xdjsorex
11-05-02
what happened to you?
what do you mean?
your flesh...its gone...
i donated it to the childrens flesh fund...
what?
exactly...

 

by xdjsorex
11-05-02
what do you get when you cross a hot canadian man with a sport from the heavens?
umm...i don't know what?
wayne gretsky's domination in the game of ice hockey
...
he won't get his pants back until he admits that the oilers were wrong for letting the great one go...
i'm cold and hungry

 

by xdjsorex
12-10-02
its kind of creepy out here
i'm cold...
what do you say we go home to the fireplace and make some love...
...
well?
you are still a bird!

 

by xdjsorex
12-16-02
"...we lost another one commander...i don't know how long we can take this..."
hows it going duuuude!
i heard once that...everyday a hero dies...
did everyone forget what we came here for?
tough, whatever man, i don't care...
step right up...who's next, who is fucking next?
michael chimes in...
come on man...ease up...there is lots of peer presure out there, god damn it peer presure...ease up!!! DAMN IT CHRISTINE...YOU GET TO WATCH WHATEVER, WHENEVER!!!
come on!!! merry xmas you fuckers

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