All comics by ytanen

Profile

 

by ytanen
12-09-03
Hi, kids. I'm feeling sad today. Old Klarence the Klown is sad, alright.
You want to know why Klarence is sad, don't you? You see those two boys over there, to the right? They're experimenting with homosexuality.
Being gay is gay, and that makes Klarence sad.

 

by ytanen
12-10-03
Good job, Rover! Stay up there another minute, Rover!
I fucking hate this kid...
My dog Rover is the smartest dog ever!
What am I saying??? I love this kid!
Who would think that a lowly, unintelligent life-form such as a dog could learn to ride around on a ball?
... I fucking hate this kid.

 

by ytanen
12-10-03
Boom-shikka-shikka-boom!
De-do-DA-de-do-DA! Ne-ne-ne-ne-ne-nu-NA!
Chitta-chitta-do-woo-POW!
That kid sure can bust some dope beats.

 

by ytanen
12-10-03
I like Idaho... it's neat.
Except for all the g'damned Mormons.
Iraq sucks. It's all arid and terroristy.
And they like touching little girls.
X-mas is a pagan holiday. Buy me something nice.
"Barbie's First Dildo..."

 

by ytanen
12-10-03
Pokemon is old.
Pika pika!
Pika pika!
Pika pika!
Fucking stupid horse.
Pika pika!

 

by ytanen
12-11-03
And then, after I shove this box up your butt, I'm going to bitch-stomp you into obliv-
Oh! Hi, Santa.
I heard you, you little green fucker! That's no way to talk to a snowman!
Pick up your own shit, you dumbass reindeer!
I think this is the year we see how well ol' Roly-Poly can hang on during some barrel-rolls...

 

by ytanen
12-11-03
Children... scare... me...
Hey mister! Why are you so funny looking?
...backing slowly away...
Beware the Doug, ya'll.

 

by ytanen
12-11-03
Boom-shikka-shikka-boom!
Beware of Doug, ya'll!
Boom-shikka-shikka-boom!
Beware of Doug, ya'll!
Boom-shikka-shikka-boom!
Beware of Doug, ya'll!

 

by ytanen
12-11-03
As I rode into that dusky twilight, the desert winds blew...
As the coyote wailed at the night, I knew one thing for sure...
My horse, my horse... had a sexy, sexy ass.

 

by ytanen
12-11-03
Man, daytime TV sucks.
... Newsflash! Hell has frozen over! Now back to your regularly scheduled programming.
I gotta get cable.

 

by ytanen
12-11-03
So anyway, there's all these buttholes on the internet that are into us furry girls!
That's weird, man.
No, it's not weird. I think it's just cool that somebody recognizes our sexuality.
There's also a lot of people on the 'net that are into pictures of creamin' onto buttcheeks.

 

by ytanen
12-11-03
Well 'ello! My name is Eggar! I like robots!
I also likes to beat the snot out of black folks with me stick here!
The greatestly great thing about robots is how shiny metal they are! And laser beams!
The hell you say! Robots is for black folks!
I'd just rather you shut up, evil personality!
I'm going to beat the hell out of you with me stick!

 

by ytanen
12-13-03
So dude... you wanna cornhole?
Uh... thanks for the offer, but I'm not gay.
You think hotdogs heated in a shell of cornbready stuff are gay?
I think you meant corndog.

 

by ytanen
12-13-03
Welcome to McDowell's. Can I take your order?
Yeah man. Could I get a dime bag?
This is McDowell's, sir. I am only authorized to sell you a McBurger or some McFries.
So could I get a blow job, then?

 

by ytanen
12-13-03
That burnout came in again today, sir.
Doesn't he know we're a family establishment?
I guess not, sir.
Well cheese-and-rice.
Next time shoot him with that .357 under the counter.

 

by ytanen
12-13-03
Welcome to McDowell's. Can I take your order?
I'm sorry. I don't talk to "breeders."
Good morning, sir. Is there a problem I can help you with?
Damn, you're kind of cute.
Uh... thank you.
How much for me to get my McSausage between your McBuns?

 

by ytanen
12-13-03
I got a job at McDowell's. I can't believe it! I've never had a job before!
Yo, muddafugga! Wat-da-dilly-yo! I wants some fried beef!
I'm employed! I can't believe it!
Gimme mah fuckin' burger, mu'fugga!
I got a job!
Screw you, lardass, I'll go to Murder King.

 

by ytanen
3-17-04
Who in da fuck is you?
I am the Great Horned God, Atchalmuth!
Are you here to pop out my eyeballs and eat my soul?
Umm... no, I'm here to take out your sister.
Baby, your brudda has some kind of a complex alright.
Yeah, I think he played too much D&D as a kid.

 

by ytanen
3-17-04
I kinda thought we'd be going someplace fancier.
I mean... not to sound ungrateful or anything...
Yeah, right.
Yeah, well, Atchalmuth's having a few fiscal problems, baby.

 

by ytanen
9-11-04
Wuzzle uzzle in da hizzuzzle, nizzugguzzle?
Is this little bitch for real?
I say, What's happenin', corn bread?
...
Don't make me drop some dope-ass phat beats, ya'll!
I grew up in Idaho! I'm a lawyer, for fuck's sakes!

 

by ytanen
9-30-04
And then, Dirty Little Johnny said, "Rat - big fuckin' rat with a dick THIS long!"
Alvin! I'ma kill you, Alvin!
This is more like post-post modern. I think I sprained a bolt.

 

by ytanen
9-30-04
And on the third day, that religious dude said, "Let us not eat dead flesh."
Bullshit! That's not in the Bible at all!
...
Listen... I just don't want to eat corpses.
Bitch! I double-dog dared you!

 

by ytanen
9-30-04
In the winter we will build a snowman.
In the WWII prison camp we will build a golem.
And here... we'll build a monkey.

 

by ytanen
10-02-04
Tonight's vignette is brought to you by the Caliope Music Industry.
You see that van over there by the curb? I have over fifty types of candy bar and Gamecube games in it.
At least he's not wearing a priest's outfit.
The moral of the story is... you really can trust clowns!

 

by ytanen
10-02-04
I'm going to have to write you up on a 21-070. That carries an $85 fine.
WHAT IN THE BLUE BLAZES IS A 21-070?
That's under the Crimes against Nature laws: can't have a fire in space.
BUT... BUT... I BURN, THEREFORE I AM!
Tsk, tsk... that's another $25, sir. A 32-033: paraphrasing Descartes in outer space.
OH. MY. GOD.

 

by ytanen
10-02-04
Hey boys and girls! Do you know what hillbillies do on Halloween?
They pump-kin! Do you get it?
Shit. You third graders are stupid. Pump-kin means they have sex with their relatives, which is a play on the word pumpkin, which is what I am... it's the symbol of Halloween, for Pete's sake!

 

by ytanen
10-02-04
Oh my... I seem to have wandered into a canyon. I thought a left turn would take me to Baskin Robbins...
Well... I guess I'll just go back the way I came.

 

by ytanen
10-02-04
beefsteak

 

by ytanen
10-02-04
beefsteak

 

by ytanen
10-02-04
Where did that little shit hide his porn?
Man, where'd that asshole his stash of porn?
Sheeeeee-it! I only got fi' minutes to find where that butthead left his box of porno mags!

 

by ytanen
10-08-04
Today we're going to have a special guest, courtesy of the state mandated lesson on sexual education.
Like one time I totally finger banged my sister's best friend! She bled all over my sleeping bag cause we were at camp and it was SO bitchin'!
I wish the district superintendent were my father, too.

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