I'd say that Pong was the REAL winner here.

Right on, Pong. Right on.

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

Jon vs Descolada 001 - Alpha and Omega by Drexle 9-29-04

Ahc, I got so much work to do. These files are due tomorrow morning and I haven't even started on them! What should I do? Inside Kajun's Concience... Kajun, we can do it if we just work hard all night! You'll have the accolades of your boss, and a fat bonus when it's over! Oh yeah? Well I have beer! Kajun, stick with me and you'll have the accolades of your friends, and a fat hangover when we're done! Four hours later... *Belch!* *type_type_type* Your comics suck, you bastard!

Descolada wins.

FOUR MATCHES TO GO!

In one semifinal, Satan awaits the winner of Gabebillings vs. Kaufman, for which crabby is responsible.

The other semifinal is set. KajunFirefly gets to tell us the story of Littlegirl vs. Descolada.

Get to work, guys!

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Hey! crabby's gotten to do a comic for this for the last three rounds!

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

*Bump*

nudge nudge wink wink say no more.

Gabe vs. Kaufman by crabby 10-15-04

Gabe, we've known eachother for awhile now. Can't we just find some sort of friendly way to end this? ROCK PAPER SCISSORS! No, perhaps if we list the good things about us we can decide. I have this cat, great hair, I'm punny and I'm the one running this event. I'm bald, I have a hot wife, a cute baby, I'm a total bad ass, I once built a fake vagina out of wood and your event sucks balls! Oh, did I mention the time John Cusack sat in my high school chemistry seat while filming High Fidelity?

And with that sub-par comic I say goodbye.

And say hello to boinky33, who will give us the blow-by-blow of the semifinal match between Gabebillings and Satan.

The other semifinal is still pending. KajunFirefly will tell us the story of Littlegirl vs. Descolada.

---
ken.kaufman@gmail.com

But, what if they don't do these things that you claim they're going to do? What then?

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

And say hello to boinky33, who will give us the blow-by-blow of the semifinal match between Gabebillings and Satan.

The other semifinal is still pending. KajunFirefly will tell us the story of Littlegirl vs. Descolada.

Hello?

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Hi.

KK asked me to substitute for KF. Here goes:

Littlegirl vs. Descolada by choadwarrior 11-15-04

Goddamnit...I told you a half hour ago to get me something to drink! Now go, you little shit! Here you go. Hey! This beer is warm. It's not beer.

Okay, boinky. The world awaits you!

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

ok

Gabe Vs Satan by boinky33 11-19-04

Mmmm, this pie you made is delicious. What's in it? Poison.

Well, if I read that right, Gabe vanquished Satan by successfully digesting the pie without damage, and causing the Big S to spontaneously combust. Therefore, the final will be a true David and Goliath match, the Little Girl against the Colossal Geek. And holding the honor of depicting this artistic armageddon is none other than evil_d.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Assignment noted.

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The what mentioned above is total fiction. Please don't take it seriously!

"How do you keep idiots in suspense?"

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"Only things I approve of should exist." -some guy on the internet

I haven't gotten to do any for a couple of rounds (or was that years?), so if someone needs to do this, it could be me. Just sayin'.

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- christ@myself.com - fuck a cat, kill yourself - my alter ego has five stars

evil_d has given me a "real soon now," and I have a special little job coming up for you, habnem ;-)

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

How you say...

bump?

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- christ@myself.com - fuck a cat, kill yourself - my alter ego has five stars

I'd like a special job. Size is no object.

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Peeing sitting down is the gift you give yourself.

My apologies for making you all wait for so long. All I can say in my defense was that life got in the way, and I thought the final round deserved not to be hastily thrown together.

SCBR, Final: Gabe vs. Little Girl (1/11) by evil_d 2-03-05

Gabe, I believe I'm a man with sound business sense. I founded the World Little Girl Boxing Association on a solid guiding principle. I'm proud to have been a part of your vision, Mr. Helmut. I believed that people wanted to see grown men and little girls punching each other. In fact, I believed they would pay good money to see it. But, Gabe, there was one thing I couldn't have foreseen. What's that, Mr. Helmut? Well, Gabe, in the WLGBA's ten-year history, so far, none of the little girls have ever won a match. That's incredible! Are you sure?

SCBR, Final: Gabe vs. Little Girl (2/11) by evil_d 2-03-05

I've checked and re-checked the statistics, Gabe. No World Little Girl Boxing Association match has ever, in fact, been won by a little girl. That's why I've asked you here today, Gabe. But what can I do about it? Gabe, I need you to do something very important for me. You'll be getting in the ring in a couple of hours for tonight's WLGBA match. I need you to lose that match. You want me to take a dive? I -- I don't know, Mr. Helmut. Why me? Well, I figure it'll be the most believable if it's you.

SCBR, Final: Gabe vs. Little Girl (3/11) by evil_d 2-03-05

Gabe, it seems that because of our one-sided record, the fans think our fights are boring and predictable. We need a big ratings boost, or pretty soon, we'll all be out of a job. So do you understand? I understand, Mr. Helmut. I'll throw tonight's fight. You can count on me. I knew I could, Gabe. Now go get ready. You're due at the pre-fight trash-talking in an hour. Yes sir, Mr. Helmut! Shortly.... Hey Joe, it's Gabe. Yeah, put me down for ten thousand against myself for tonight. Great. Thanks.

SCBR, Final: Gabe vs. Little Girl (4/11) by evil_d 2-03-05

At the pre-fight trash talk: You're a joke, Billings. We both know you ain't got nothin'. You're going down like a two-bit whore. You mean like your grandma? I knocked her silly last week, and now it's your turn. Like hell. I'm gonna tuck you in for the big naptime, boy. Bring it on, ya pantywaist! That's IT! You're fucking dead, you little bitch. Nobody calls me a pantywaist. But... you wear panties... around your waist....

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The what mentioned above is total fiction. Please don't take it seriously!

SCBR, Final: Gabe vs. Little Girl (5/11) by evil_d 2-03-05

"...and the fight is underway!" Okay, now... got to make it look convincing. Can't go down right away. I'll move around a lot, make it look like I'm getting tired out. "Gabe's being cagey. Looks like he might have something big planned...." Better throw a few punches so I look like I'm trying. Won't hit too hard; just a few taps. "Oh! And Petunia is down already! The ref's starting the count!" Oh crap.

SCBR, Final: Gabe vs. Little Girl (6/11) by evil_d 2-03-05

Two months later.... Well, Petunia, everything sure worked out for us in the end. I knew that when I told Gabe to throw that match, he'd give it away to his bookie, giving us fantastic odds for our bet against him. The money we made from throwing that fight ourselves was more than enough to pay for this island, and ensure that we'll never have to work again. Guess you and I are the real winners here! Not quite. I still have a score to settle with Billings. Jeeves, I need to arrange someone's death. Bring me my telephone. Would that be the one with the Hello Kitty stickers, ma'am?

SCBR, Final: Gabe vs. Little Girl (7/11) by evil_d 2-03-05

Billings, I want to show you there's no hard feelings about our match. Helmut and I would love it if you'd come visit us at the island this weekend. Are you free? Well... uh... I guess so... sure, I'd love to come! Great! Now we've already reserved a plane ticket in your name. All you have to do is go pick them up. Any questions? Well, just one.... ...how'd you get my new phone number?

SCBR, Final: Gabe vs. Little Girl (8/11) by evil_d 2-03-05

That's awfully nice of Petunia. Helmut too. Especially after that horrible match. Still, I've suffered too. If it weren't for losing that bet, I wouldn't be living in this public restroom. And meanwhile, they're living together on a private island? Why, they must have set me up! Well, I'll show them! The second I get off that plane, they're dead! Jeeves, I want my surface-to-air missiles ready to launch by this afternoon. Yes ma'am. Shall I use the pink ones, or the ones with flower designs?

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The what mentioned above is total fiction. Please don't take it seriously!

SCBR, Final: Gabe vs. Little Girl (9/11) by evil_d 2-03-05

And so: NOBODY CALLS ME A PANTYWAIST!! Damn it!

SCBR, Final: Gabe vs. Little Girl (10/11) by evil_d 2-03-05

Well, I guess that's that. It's finally over, with you victorious. Yes, I'm glad... wait, what's that up there? Is that... goddamn it, is that Billings? Is he shouting something? Damn you, Petunia!! This isn't over yet! I'll land on you and kill us both! I can't make out what he's saying. Well, not to worry. He's about a mile off-shore, and he'll never survive the impact anyway.

SCBR, Final: Gabe vs. Little Girl (11/11) by evil_d 2-03-05

Well, Helmut, I guess I came out on top after all. We're living in luxury on our private island, and Gabe is probably lying dead at the bottom of the ocean or something. Yeah, haha, probably, I mean, where else would he be... I mean, there's no chance he.... Of course, I mean, you don't think he... there's no way that.... He couldn't possibly have... I mean... could he? Answer: no. Hey, aren't you Gabe Billings from the WLGBA? Can I have your autograph?

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The what mentioned above is total fiction. Please don't take it seriously!