Trying to make a story here.... by LiquidBlue 2-11-02

One day, a man named Gabe was walking down the street and he said: bored as fuck, yes i am When suddenly a big ass fuckin portal opened and out came: the fuck Psychotic Bitch Master Gabe Clone #2 so who the fuck was the first clone who cares, i have to anal probe you now with my mystical bitch powers of domination

and

THE END by LiquidBlue 2-11-02

Gabe ran off very fast though, so fast that they ended up at the white house come back bitch, i must dominate you A voice is heard inside the white house: BOMB THEM ALL, BOMB THEM ALL NOW FUCKERS YES SIR BITCH BOMBING HAS COMMENCED ULTIMATE FUCKAGE IS SURE TO COMMENCE And thus it was done.

are the ONLY attempts i'm going to make at doing a storyline based comic ( i mean from more than one comic being linked to each other) again.... however, the rest of my shit is totally random, but some of it still makes no fucking sence, like:

hentai obsessive-manic depressive by LiquidBlue 2-11-02

bitch ass teacher making me sit in the corner i didn't even shove the stick up the kids ass, some bitch right next to me did and framed me, fuck this FUCK YOU TEACHER, AND FUCK THE SYSTEM OH SHIT BEND OVER MOTHER FUCKER

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Domination.

Let's move this thread back up top where it belongs ...

A Certified Not-So-Funny Comic by kaufman 2-26-02

What are all these ads I've been hearing on the radio about "certified pre-owned Lexuses," "certified pre-owned Jeeps"? I mean come on, do you really need someone to certify to you that you are really buying a used car? "Oh, no way, man. I'm not buying that car. It might be NEW!"

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

A agree, kaufman. Here's a crappy comic with a timeless punchline.

Crappy Comic by Drexle 2-26-02

Moo!

I'm afraid only 5 here might even have a chance of getting the joke...

Burma Shave! by Drexle 2-26-02

Varg Vikernes was tired of the death metal cliches. So he went 'round Norway setting churches ablaze. He stuck a knife in his friend's head in a craze... And now he's in jail where he spends the rest of his days! Burzum, behave! No!

I.... don't get it.

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Dad was flammable

Where's DragonXero when you need him?

The short version--
Varg Vikernes is the guy behind a band called Burzum. Back in the early 90s, he and a bunch of other people in Norway met up and talked about how they hated how death metal was full of nothing but weak poser people who played too slow, couldn't sing, and wrote lyrics that they didn't believe in. So he and his friends formed bands who play too fast, couldn't sing, and wrote songs about pantheistic religions coming back and wiping out chrisitanity, and eventually someone started calling them all "Black Metal" bands. Eventually, to prove how hardcore they were, they went out and started burning churches in Norway, and at one other of them killed a homosexual on a whim one night. Eventually, Varg began to hate and distrust one of the other people in his scene, one of his long-time friends and associates. So one night Varg went to his house and when the guy went to the door, Varg greeted him with a knife to his head. Now he's in jail, where he continues to make music and publish aryan newsletters, last I heard.

I don't know if DX would tell you exactly the same thing, but that's the joke behind the comic.

RETURN2MEDIOCRITY by crabby 3-08-02

Sir I'm afraid it's all over the polish power house has failed and it looks as if this Great Depression is immenent. Damn! This dirty depression has destroyed a man as strong willed as Stan Stasiak? Looks like this problem won't be going away any time soon. With all due respect Mr. Hoover France is threatening to invade us and those English are still holding that grudge from the revolution. I always knew those colonists would go and ruin it for the rest of us. Well Mr. Hoover whats the plan? Get me the one man who can knip this depression in the bud. GET ME THURIGIN!

RETURN2MEDIOCRITY 2 by crabby 3-08-02

Are you sure it's wise tobring in Thurigin sir? He was the wildest most unpredictable union buster this nation has ever seen. He also killed Teddy Roosevelt with his bare hands. I'm aware of his credentials and he's the only man who can handle this job! Meanwhile in France...... Should we begin the invasion on America? Yes we should. Send over every soldier we have! Thurigin your country needs you. This depression is getting ready to take the nation by storm and the French are preparing their invasion. Tell Hoover that Turigin is coming to fix that country something fierce. I'm bringing the pain baby!

RETURN2MEDIOCRITY 3 by crabby 3-08-02

Thurigin you owe me big so you better handle this depression and these Frenchies or else theres going to be hell to pay! Didn't I do enough by killing Roosevelt and making sure you'd never have to worry about anyone with the name Roosevelt getting in your way ever again? Your a damn dirty cyborg sent from the future to shot someone code named Reagan. Since I won't let that information out you'll be in debt to me until the day I die! That day is going to be sooner than you think you dirty black mailer. A short time later............. Thurigin you mad man you shoved that nerve tonic so far up my ass that I'm going to bleed to death! America is going to wonder where their president has gone you know. Not to worry I'll be taking over as president. I'm going to dub myself Franklin Delano Roosevelt. FDR as in Fucking Die Reagan.

RETURN2MEDIOCRITY 4 by crabby 3-08-02

I'm the new president you can call me FDR. Why do you have metal legs sir? I've got polio asshole. Sir, I had no idea. I'll begin work on a vaccine to handle that right away. Meanwhile the French soldiers land on US soil............ Viva la France! Viva la France!

RETURN2MEDIOCRITY 5 by crabby 3-08-02

Sir, that vaccine should be ready in another sixty years or so. In the mean time what do you plan to do about this depression? You dirty gook I've already got some New Deal reforms handleing that dirty depression as we speak. New Deal reforms in action........... Burn in hell depression! Holy shit! I'm going to slowly dissolve into nothingness. Sir the depression is slowly going away. Now theres just the matter of the invading French. I'lll handle the French personally.

[Click to view comic: 'RETURN2MEDIOCRITY 6']
[Click to view comic: 'RETURN2MEDIOCRITY 7']

...and Crabby reclaims the title!

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Dad was flammable

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Batman created by Bob Kane

XTC by crabby 1-31-02

My father demanded to see me today. He says he doesn't have much time left and needs to tell me something before he goes. I thinke he's a pirate. He owns several cannons and some sort of high class death ship. Here he comes now. I hope he doesn't make me walk the plank.

XTC 2 by crabby 1-31-02

Son I'm glad you came. I need to tell you something important. Dad I already know. Your a pirate you don't have to hide it any longer. Your a moron! I'm here to tell you that you have a brother. I never told you because I didn't think you could handle it. Wow a brother thats so exciting! Shut the hell up! Here's his address. I need you to go and kill him. I've never killed a man before. I sure hope he's smaller than me.

XTC 3 by crabby 1-31-02

He's your exact twin. I'd kill him myself but I'm old and don't have it in me anymore. I'm really not the killing type. He killed your mother and he would have gotten me if I wouldn't have used your mother as a shield. You told me she died of scarlet fever. I lied! Now kill your brother. It shall be done. I will kill him.

XTC 4 by crabby 3-10-02

Well I broke into his house and he doesn't look much like a killer. Theres just lots of pirate memorablia every where. This fukers got my fucking colecovision. My dad said he sold it for scrap when he bought me that TI-83 calculator. Holy fuck, he's home. The time has come for me to rip put his still beating heart and claim his soul for my falling mother. I'm gonna hide in this hamper.

XTC 5 by crabby 3-10-02

I smell an intruder. He's reeking of a body that will soon die from strangulation. I can feel his life force fading he's frightened and has never killed before. He's in the hamper. My father sent him to kill me. What he doesn't know is that I plan on sacrificing myself to Guinesha bofre my father can. I'll never let him get that power. Father I shall kill the first born twin and then kill myself in the name of Guinesha! You will never feel the might of one million sailors course through your veins.

[Click to view comic: 'XTC 6']
[Click to view comic: 'XTC 7']
[Click to view comic: 'XTC 8']

In light of crabby's recent life...

Just teasin- sorry i missed you on MSN

KAFKASTEIN by crabby 3-23-02

I have to wake up..........I have to go to work or else my roomates will be dissapointed in me..........I'm going to let everyone down...... I feel awful....But that's no reason to skip work...........What would Bill think......He'd call me a slacker and ask for a doctors note........Thats it I'm going to turn on the lights and going! This is just great! I wasn't a bug yesterday.

KAFKASTEIN 2 by crabby 3-23-02

I got some clients out here that wanna meet you. They heard from some Japanese buisness men that your the best lay in town. How do I explain this? How do I let down customers with my new hideous body. I'll never be sexually pleasing to the eye as long as I look like this. Bro, you awake? These people demand satisfaction! I have to act normal or else they'll all know that something is wrong. II'm gonna kick this door down and see whats going on. I can't leave Mr. Nagasaki waiting for some two bit man whore. SHIT!

KAFKASTEIN 3 by crabby 3-23-02

Holy fuck you're a dirty little bug! I didn't mean for this to happen I swear! I awoke this morning and I was a bug. What the fuck you don't sound like a person anymore, I just hear bug noises. Stay away from Mr. Nagasaki and I'll bring you something rotten to eat. He can't even understand me anymore how do I explain all of this? Here you can eat this guy no one will miss him. I'm a walking joke! But the joke is no one knows or cares who I am! Isn't that fantastic? I better eat this sad fuck fast.

KAFKASTEIN 4 by crabby 3-23-02

He's going to kill me! No one wants bug ass. I'm a dead man! I'm going to have to kill you! No one wants to fuck a bugs ass so your going to have to die! Great, now I'm going to die. I wonder how he's going to do it? I'm going to kill you in the most annyoing way ever created by man. He's planning on stepping on me two days before my retirement? Or perhaps he has something much worse planned!

KAFKASTEIN 5 by crabby 3-23-02

PULL!!! (*Whoooosh!!!*) (*BANG!!!*)

... by Drexle 4-11-02

My 300th strip... man, I wonder what I should make it about? A TOBOR strip? A Skeet Shooting strip? Or maybe I'll go old school and make 300 a "Starstruck" offshoot. Yeah, that sounds good!

301 by Drexle 4-11-02

FUCK!

If it's crap you want.....

go somewher else, this is pure gold.

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Batman created by Bob Kane

CrazyFuzz by crabby 3-27-02

Hi there buddy! I'll kill you with my own two hands and no one will ever find your body.

crap, crap indeed.

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Batman created by Bob Kane

Actually, that was an excellent pun.

Finger-Ass by crabby 5-01-02

I'm a finger........... I'm an ass......... Put us together........... But not to fast.............. I think you will like........... FINGER-ASS.........

The crappy comics of a desperate, incurable procrastinator...

pyhappyhappyhappyhappyhappyhappyhappyhappyhappyhappyhappyhap by DexX 5-02-02

Hnnnnggg... You're not getting any sympathy from me. I told you not to take the whole bottle of Prozac.

Pointless by DexX 5-02-02

So I says to her, "Hey, baby, you ever heard the phrase `Hung like a horse'?" ...like a horse! Get it! Fuck off...

Pointless 2 by DexX 5-02-02

OW! OW! OW! PLEASE STOP!!! LET THAT BE A LESSON TO YOU! Urgh...

appyhappyhappyhappyhappyhappyhappyhappyhappyhappyhappyhappyh by DexX 5-02-02

Da doo da doot doot da di doodle-di-doo... Badup-ba dup doop doopie doopie doop... Tra-laa-de-daa... tum-te-tiddle-de-dump... The Prozac will wear off soon... the Prozac will wear off soon... the Prozac will wear off soon...