CC 51: The most unpopular social statement of all... by Drexle 8-07-01

I'm crabby, and I DO NOT SUCK DICK!!! Well, I don't!!!

okay i dont care what you all say that has to win!

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Who knows what fear lurks in the hearts of men? MIKE BOBSICO KNOWS! And if you give him a decent tip when he delivers your mail , he might tell you.

CC51: Poor people are bad. by DexX 8-07-01

Captain RightWing, I am confused. Rich people have so much money, and poor people have so little, but your party only likes to tax poor people and give the rich tax cuts. Why? Ah, you are so naive, little Edna. In reality, the exact opposite is true! In America, everyone can have a job if they want one. Only lazy people are unemployed, and only lazy people are poor. I could have taken that job as nuclear reactor shielding material, but it wasn't my scene... You ungrateful young whipper-snapper! It's folks like you who're ruinin this'ere country! Oh, I see! So taxing the rich would be punishing them for working hard, and those lazy poor people should be made to pay as much tax as possible! I've had a hard life, being born a rich, white, protestant. When I grow up, I want to be born rich too!

This one really needed a couple more panels to do the idea justice. Then again, I could make fifty strips on the topic without running out of material. God knows why I set it in the US - Aussie politicians are just as bad.

On another topic, I can see Captain RightWing becoming a new recurring character, popping up occasionally to shout "Communist!" or "Feminazi!" at appropriate moments.

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This signature has performed an illegal operation and has been shut down.

I doubt any of you are familiar with Glasgow, but here, someone peddling human ashes on street corners isn't such a long shot...

CC 51 - Today, Japan. Tomorrow, the World! by gabe_billings 8-07-01

Here's the deal. That 1.6 trillion tax cut was a load of bull. I'm actually using the money to fund what I like to call 'Operation Sneaky Bastard'. And what exactly would that be, Mr. President? I got two carrier battle groups 500 miles off Japan. We're gonna bomb the fuckers to get back for Pearl Harbor. Then we're gonna steal all their sake. Call me crazy, sir, but I don't think that's very wise. I don't think the rest of the world would look too kindly upon us were we to start another war. Fuck 'em. I'll take over their countries, too. Worked it all out last night playin' Risk. Long as we can git Kamchatka we're golden! It sounds like someone needs a time-out.

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

Scientific Advances are Never Easy by Spankling 8-07-01

Despite public outcry I intend to continue my genetic experiments until I have created the ultimate human-donkey hybrid! So bug off! God, help me... Thanks for going through all this trouble for me, doc. Once my donkey is at least part human maybe gabe will stop tormenting me. No trouble wirthling. As a fellow animal molester I feel your pain. Now step in to the muto-chamber. ow ow ow Yes you're in pain, but think how happy your rump and wirthling are now that they are one! So, lets see how good you are at using wirthling's tongue.

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

Damn, someone got my Crabby idea already.

And it's interesting that I did a comic like this just a few days ago:

Double standard by NeoVid 7-24-01

Asian power! Christian power! Black power! Flower power! White... uh... Watch it, you racist scum.

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"Only things I approve of should exist." -some guy on the internet

CC 51: Viva la Canuck! by BigEvilDan 8-07-01

And now a message from Joe, the Molson beer commecial guy. My fellow Canadians, the time has come to take up arms and conquer the world! All the people of the world will be united under a single language...er, two languages. That's a nice colour for your dress, eh? Merci, vous bâtard anglais! Pouvez vous être assaillis par un âne seulement une fois, eh? Enemies of the great Canuck empire will be dealt with quickly and fairly. But I'm the prez-e-dunt! Not any more. The Poutine Regime is in charge now. You're going to the maple syrup mines.

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"Oh, look, a joke! How original! Thank you, but if I wanted my emotions stimulated pleasurably, I'd get a whore." - Donald B. Jones III

This is comic #3110, my first ever to have something that resembles a meaningful number.

CC 51: By unpopular demand by NeoVid 8-07-01

You know, I think that gays really shouldn't be allowed in the military, ever. And I suppose you don't think blacks should be in the army either. That's right! In fact, neither should asians, latinos, amerinds, the poor, immigrants... Yeah, the only people who should be allowed in combat are white people who make over $30,000 a year! ...Hell, now I want to agree with him...

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"Only things I approve of should exist." -some guy on the internet

CC 51 - God, Revisited. by gabe_billings 8-07-01

Son, I've decided this whole deity thing is a bunch of shit. I bought a place in Tampa and I'm throwing in the towel. But don't worry; I found a replacement as well as a sweet condo. Father, perhaps you should reconsider. This isn't the kind of thing you can just up and leave from. Nonsense! I've got just the man for the job of overlord and master of the universe. He's done pretty well on his paper route, and he was nice enough to send me beef jerky with his application. Beef jerky? A paper route? Father, what have you done? THEIRS A NEW KING IN TOWN, FUCKERS!!!!!!! BETTER START BUIDLING YOUR ARCS CUZ CRABBY THINKS IT FEELS LIKE RANE!!!!!!!!!!

Narf.

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

So! You can enter more than once, eh? Well, it just so happens I'm at a loose end...

CC51 Give me...give me one more chance to keep you satisfied by andydougan 8-07-01

I think andydougan should win this comic contest. That point of view is at best unpopular, at worst ludicrous. Bah! Well...well...well, how appropriate! You fight like a cow! Aw no, have we got another panel to fill up? Ah, no, we're finished now.

I trust this is suitably convincing.

Rules? Fuck the rules. Here is my losing entry:

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I wanted my half in the middle and I wound up on the edge.

HAHA! Fuckin' women. Except, of course, the two little darlin's who post here. They're all right.

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

And that was her daddy by Spankling 8-08-01

"BOOOO! YOU SUCK! GET OFF THE STAGE! YOUR DADDY WANTED YOU TO BE A HAND-JOB!" REEEEEEEEEEEE o/` The sun'll come out... tooo morrooww... Bet yer bottom dollar that tomorrow... there'll be suuuun o/` BOO HOO HOO! Don't you think you were a bit rough on the girl? Better she should hear it now than for her to live a lie and reach for impossible dreams throughout her adolescence. I did the little screecher a favor.

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

http://www.stripcreator.com/view.php?author=fpd&ID=30187

It's called Planet of the Girls. As a point of information, with respect to the content of this strip, I'm a man.

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FPD is the foremost plague on discussion boards. Do your part to stomp out FPD.

CC 51: Dr. Pedantic in pre Nazi Germany... by Drexle 8-08-01

I DO NOT SUCK DICK!!! WASH AT WASH AND WASH MILLENIUM WASH THE WAY WITH THE RAG IS A LAY IN THE BAG. As you can see, my theory on the social benifits of eugenics is not without base or merit.

Wow, Drexle really likes to use me in his comics.

But just so everyone knows those are all my catch phrases except:
THE WAY WITH THE RAG IS A LAY IN THE BAG.

That one wasn't mine.

quote:

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Wow, Drexle really likes to use me in his comics.

But just so everyone knows those are all my catch phrases except:
THE WAY WITH THE RAG IS A LAY IN THE BAG.

That one wasn't mine.

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Damn typos...

Not an entry in CC 51... *Gasp!* by Drexle 8-08-01

So Drexle... why *do* you make so many strips featuring crabby? Hmmm... Well, you could say that I enjoy the unique opportunities that his old persona allows in terms of sheer comedic value.... Those old days have been engrained in the minds collective stripper populace, and since he was so much like a one note character, I just kind of got used to using him like one. You're disturbed. Thanks, I try!

Big Brother is Watching & He has a Hardon. by NastyPope 8-08-01

Urethra I've DONE IT!!!!! A new discovery Doc ? Yes, i've created a new remote_micro_camera that I call the x10!!! I know just how to market it. We will have every porn & gaming site on the net have autopopups with my camera. I'm not so sure about the marketing, Doc. Seems people would just get annoyed & not want to buy the camera. You must not understand. You can plant these anywhere. Locker rooms, change rooms, toilets. Imagine, put three in a toilet and you can watch women poop from every angle in 3d !!! I'll take a 100.

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At least im still funny .....looking. http://www.carrionfields.com

After 6 weeks of complaints, New Crabby is being shelved, and Crabby Classic is being brought back ...

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

crabby, you ever seen BASEketball?

the character squeek is essential not only to the film but to life itself

you must return to fulfilling the "little bitch" role before you become too bearable and existance falls into nothing etc etc

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Who knows what fear lurks in the hearts of men? MIKE BOBSICO KNOWS! And if you give him a decent tip when he delivers your mail , he might tell you.

CC51: The Envelope, Please. by kaufman 8-09-01

The nominees for Best Persuasion in Comic Contest 51 are: crabby, for "he's a squirel, I tell you." kaufman, for "The judges ought to be able to enter and win too." ladyjdotnet, for "Spel kreeyaytifflee." Spankling, for "A Return to Family Values" And wirthling, for "We can genetically engineer donkeys without any excretory organs." And the winner ... well, aren't you lucky you live in a world where none of these were actually entered?

...

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

All seriousness aside, I dare say this contest brought out the best/worst in a lot of you. I was surprised how many of you selected heads of state as your "spokespeople", but perhaps I shouldn't have been. Among the many entries that struck me were (in chronological order):

boorite's NAMBLA appeal was just plain hilarious. Serious refrigerator door material. It didn't, however, really address the issue of persuading the audience. So that left the door open to others.

evil_d's invasion plans. I might have shoehorned in a comment about a sneak nighttime attack, but really good job!

NastyPope and wirthling for their one-two punch of pure tastelessness (now you know why Jewish law requires burial).

Drexle's throwing himself on the grenade of the obvious, and posting the low degree of difficulty crab-a-thon. I'm not bitter at all because I had someone else in the betting pool on who would do that...

Nonetheless, there was another comic that both adhered to the rules, and tickled me for its utter preposterousness. And thus, by the arbitrary and capricious powers vested in me, I present your CC 51 champion:

It Aint Doing Anyone Any Good Up There by Spankling 8-06-01

But Dick, I'm already takin' flack fer not signin k-o-toe. How kin I tell 'merica I wanna drill Alaska? First of all, fuck America. America didn't get you elected, oil money got you elected. Second, these people are morons. Just read the script. I figured out how to drill in Alaska and not upset the natural beauty. We're shippin the beauty to all you taxpayers. It's your beauty._You_deserve_it! It's a box of pollar bear meat. What did you get. 7 acres of frozen tundra. Do we have extra freezer space?

I'll be checking my mailbox for my little piece of Nome!

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Good gravy. This almost makes up for my hoovering all over the Comic Cups to date. This contest had great rules and resulted in a ton of hilarious comics. I will do my best to come up with rules that meet this standard later today. Failing that I will serve up my usual bowl of tripe.

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet