OK, so this one doesn't qualify and I'd like to know how to get rid of those lines AND make the other brackets appear below the first one, but here it is anyway:

CC 250½: I know it's late, but I'm making it anyway by jes_lawson 7-05-04

Mwa ha ha! When I press 'Return', my Doomsday Discomboluator will be activated! And there's nothing you can do about it! [ 0 1 ]_______________ [ 1 0 ] AAAGH! Curse you, Captain Math!

3rd quarter entries, use of 4th quarter criteria is coincidental:

CC 250¾ - Something I know all about (1) by jes_lawson 7-05-04

Good morning. For the current Comic Competition, I will be elaborating on my Masters thesis - "Optimisation of Parallel Code using Genetic Algorithms" In particular, I'll be elaborating on the algorithm used to generate the results. I hope the next strips shed some light on what was a very novel approach to solving the problem.

CC 250¾: Something I know all about (2) - hamlet.o by jes_lawson 7-05-04

OOK! EEK! AWK!

CC 250¾: Something I know all about (3) by jes_lawson 7-05-04

You call that an optimisation? Stop slacking and get back to work! Any progress? No, the monkeys figured out how to run Minesweeper on the Cray. I'm not even sure how that's possible!

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Please replace the handset, and try again.

CC250: The MLB Draft and Me. by UnknownEric 7-05-04

Holy cow, you're Gerald Miller, 50th round pick of the Chicago Cubs, 1494th overall, out of Prairie View A&M University! How did it feel to be drafted? Wait... I was drafted?

Yeah, I'm a draftnik.

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I has a flavor!

CC250 Q2: Same subject, new twist by maddog00 7-06-04

60s, innocence at its best Rockin' Robin 80s, loss of innocence Who's bad? Today, ? I'm not guilty That's not what my ass says.

CC250-3: The Sport of gentlemen by mmyers 7-06-04

Boyohboy, I can't wait for the Arturo Gatti fight on the 17th. He always puts on really entertaining boxing matches. Boxing is so barbaric. I don't see how you can watch that. It's like glorified cock fighting. How can you defend that sport? I can explain it two ways. One I could beat the crap out of you until you agree with me, or two you could pretend like I made a persuasive arguement and then agree with me. Yes, good point. I see it your way now. Good choice.

CC250-3: A New Hope for The Empire's Returning Jedi by mmyers 7-06-04

Oh man, I can't believe I was finally abducted by aliens. You know what you look like? That thing from Jabba the Hut's ship that played piano. The best part of that scene is where Boba Fett dies. Remove your clothing, specimen 13-TX, and prepare to be probed. Can I be specimen TK-421? That was the one stormtrooper's number from A New Hope. You should totally let me drive a spaceship and blow something up. You could be like "You're all clear, kid!" Enter the examination room now, specimen *sigh* TK-421, now! You should totally freeze me in carbonite like they did Han Solo. No, wait! You could cut off my hand and I'll be like, "I'll never join yeeeewwwww!" and slobber on myself. We were just going to stick stuff in your ass but now I'm thinking I'd rather shove something in your mouth.

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Peeing sitting down is the gift you give yourself.

CC 250¾: 5th kyu in homonyms by jes_lawson 7-06-04

O Sensei, how may I one day attain your mastery of aikido? Ki, my son. Ah! Ki! The Universal Energy that flows through all living... No, my neophyte. I mean KEY! We're locked out of the dojo.

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Please replace the handset, and try again.

CC 250: The Stench Connection -- 1 by biped 7-06-04

Well, this is it. The last known residence of the sick, twisted bastard who calls himself "biped." What a shithole. He must be a throwback to the fucking Neanderthal age or something. That's an insult to Neanderthals, sergeant. Holy shit...check out this creep's fucking DVD collection. Horror, sci-fi, slasher flicks, bizarre sex stuff, and...oh my god... every known film in the "Star Trek" series. And those cartoony-looking ones? With the big-eyed geeks and disproportionately-endowed women? It's known as "anime", lieutenant. No doubt about it -- we're dealing with a very sick mind here.

CC 250: The Stench Connection -- 2 by biped 7-06-04

Good LORD -- nothing but porno. I've never seen such sick, twisted acts of perversion outside of a three-ring donkey circus. I checked out the kitchen. He appears to subsist solely on canned food, TV dinners, and beer. But at least it's Budweiser. The King of Beers. Gotta give him that much. Well, I've seen enough. Any more and I'd have to go somewhere and vomit. Do it outside then, lieutenant -- we're gonna to have to call in the toxic waste boys on that bathroom.

CC 250: The Stench Connection -- 3 by biped 7-06-04

Hey! What are you guys doing in my house? Nice of you to show up, biped! Ah...I see you shop at EZ-Mart. Classy. Where are my cats? Did you do something to my cats? Oh, a "cat person", eh? Well, that rounds out the old checklist...weirdo. Well, sergeant, it looks like our little "stripcreator" scam is really helping us clean up the streets. Who's next on the "user" list? Some goofball named "AtheistDiary." My god, lieutenant -- it's like a rogue's gallery of scum.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Sorry Im late.
240766[/comic]]240767[/comic]]240768[/comic]]
Procrastinating and Masturbating! My two favorite sins!

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Get Your War On

CC250: Too Busy Singing To Put Anybody Down by UnknownEric 7-07-04

Hi, I'm Mike Nesmith.

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I has a flavor!

CC250-4: One track monkey by mmyers 7-07-04

Hey boss, I got a great idea for a play. Two star crossed lovers from opposing families kill themselves after a sleeping potion mishap. That was Romeo and Juliet. How about a story about a wretched woman whose sister can't get married until she does so... That was Taming of the Shrew. I'll keep working on it and get back to you. All those monkeys sitting in front of type writers and I have to hire the one who can't stop writing Shakespeare.

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Peeing sitting down is the gift you give yourself.

CC 250: Our Vines Have Tender Apes -- 1 by biped 7-07-04

Chuck, I -- YAAAAA!!! THERE'S A MONKEY IN THE BEDROOM!!! HELP!!! HELP!!! CHUCK, THERE'S A MONK -- Relax, Velma. It's me -- Chuck. Chuck! What happened? You've suddenly turned into a monkey! "Suddenly"? I've always been a monkey. Not very observant, are we, my dear?

CC 250: Our Vines Have Tender Apes -- 2 by biped 7-07-04

What do you mean, you've always been a monkey? Why, that's absurd! Just look at our wedding picture, my dear. Take a good look this time. Oh my GOD! What was I thinking? I married a MONKEY! Well, I assumed you'd noticed I was a monkey at some point during the courtship, so I never mentioned it.

CC 250: Our Vines Have Tender Apes -- 3 by biped 7-07-04

Mom! Did you know that Chuck was a monkey? Of course, dear. He's a wonderful son-in-law. But HOW, Mom? After all this time, how could I have not NOTICED that Chuck was a MONKEY? Well, you know the old saying, dear -- "love is blind." Besides, it'll all be okay after the operation. Operation? WHAT operation? The operation to turn you into a monkey, my dear. It's my 25th anniversary gift to you.

CC 250: Our Vines Have Tender Apes -- 4 by biped 7-07-04

Oh, you look WONDERFUL, Mrs. Pritchard! This is my best human-to-monkey operation EVER! *sigh* This could all have been avoided if only I'd been more observant. Oh, well... Chuck! Guess what? I -- SURPRISE, my dear! I've been surgically transformed into a HUMAN! Well, FUCK. Err...are you wearing a new outfit?

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

quote:

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CC 250: Our Vines Have Tender Apes -- 1 by biped 7-07-04

Chuck, I -- YAAAAA!!! THERE'S A MONKEY IN THE BEDROOM!!! HELP!!! HELP!!! CHUCK, THERE'S A MONK -- Relax, Velma. It's me -- Chuck. Chuck! What happened? You've suddenly turned into a monkey! "Suddenly"? I've always been a monkey. Not very observant, are we, my dear?

CC 250: Our Vines Have Tender Apes -- 2 by biped 7-07-04

What do you mean, you've always been a monkey? Why, that's absurd! Just look at our wedding picture, my dear. Take a good look this time. Oh my GOD! What was I thinking? I married a MONKEY! Well, I assumed you'd noticed I was a monkey at some point during the courtship, so I never mentioned it.

CC 250: Our Vines Have Tender Apes -- 3 by biped 7-07-04

Mom! Did you know that Chuck was a monkey? Of course, dear. He's a wonderful son-in-law. But HOW, Mom? After all this time, how could I have not NOTICED that Chuck was a MONKEY? Well, you know the old saying, dear -- "love is blind." Besides, it'll all be okay after the operation. Operation? WHAT operation? The operation to turn you into a monkey, my dear. It's my 25th anniversary gift to you.

CC 250: Our Vines Have Tender Apes -- 4 by biped 7-07-04

Oh, you look WONDERFUL, Mrs. Pritchard! This is my best human-to-monkey operation EVER! *sigh* This could all have been avoided if only I'd been more observant. Oh, well... Chuck! Guess what? I -- SURPRISE, my dear! I've been surgically transformed into a HUMAN! Well, FUCK. Err...are you wearing a new outfit?

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CC 250+4/4: Arguing Simiantics by jes_lawson 7-08-04

What ever happened to all the monkeys that helped write your software? Them? Oh, they got bored in academia and left. Virgil went to work for the USAF, testing new "pilotless" "drones" *grep!* Bobo went into testing as well, but he didn't say what kind... Yep...it's clean. Why am I checking these for explosives again? The Man from Del Monte, he say Yes. To the wrong Columbians.

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Please replace the handset, and try again.

CC250: Taking things literally by TheGovernor 7-08-04

Hi Jim, is there something troubling you No, why do you ask? You seem to have a monkey on your back

CC250: Monkey Business by TheGovernor 7-08-04

Ok Brian, I'll trade you the my shares in Microsoft for 2000 of your shares in British Airways Ok its a deal, I'll go speak with my broker now

quote:

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Reminds me of "The Gift of the Magi". Excellent!

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240928[/comic]]240932[/comic]]

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Get Your War On

5th place: niteowl
4th place: Zegota
3rd place: jes_lawson
2nd place: mmyers
1st place by a nose: the twisted mind of biped. See you in a couple weeks.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Yay, my first CC! Thanks, kaufman!

I'll get another one up as soon as I can think of an idea that doesn't suck, or maybe even before that.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Welcome to the player's club, biped.
A well-deserved victory.

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Peeing sitting down is the gift you give yourself.

Thank you very much.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

So, biped, to commemorate your victory, why don't you post that image of the phrase "oh happy day" and that .gif of Kermit and Lambchop getting it on? For old time's sake?