This one is inspired by the sophisticated serio-comic strips Kaufman sometimes writes.

CC 306: Isaac laughs last (dedicated to Kaufman) by Smarmulus 12-02-05

note: this is true Isaac Asimov's widow has revealed that he died of AIDS contracted from a blood transfusion in the mid 1980s. Thus god does not exist. That doesn't follow. Asimov was an atheist. Asimov was an atheist and a humanist. He believed one should search for truth via the scientific method rather than through faith in mythology/religion. Thus, if there were a god he would have kept Asimov alive long enough to see the movie version of "I, Robot." That makes a lot more sense than Descartes' argument.

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"Eat a fucking cock." - attitudechicka

While my previous entry was not inspired by a specific comic, but rather by a great talent, this one is a continuation of a series started by someone else, which I'm sure you will all recognize.

CC 306: Timmy's comeuppance by Smarmulus 12-02-05

I've just gotten some terrible news. I have AIDS. Oh Timmy, that's awful. I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better. How about "Fuck me now"? Why is my SISTER always running away from me?

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"Eat a fucking cock." - attitudechicka

RCL no. 709 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 12-02-05

Yay! Now, look... Even though your HIV test results came back negative, again, you can't keep sleeping around with every skanky ladybug you meet unprotected... You've got to start wearing condoms! Yeah, like that's really going to happen! Okay..?

CC306: Hey, Look! Another Bush Joke! by UnknownEric 12-03-05

I'm not sure I can write this speech by myself, Dick. Don't worry, George, you have aides! I do? Sure thing! My fellow Americans, I have AIDS.

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I has a flavor!

RCL no. 710 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 12-03-05

Dracula? Damn! I told him that if he kept sucking the blood from crack-whores, he'd contract AIDS and end up as a big pile of ash! But, did he listen to me? NOOOOOOOOOO!!

USC 23 / UCLA zippo as of this posting

Groovy! - Blammo! by edoggydog 12-04-05

...then, I says to the cop, "Throw in the monkey, and the handjob's on the house!" Groovy! Anyhoo... Did you hear the news? I've been appointed to the President's Anti-AIDS Advisory Council... You? A Crackwhore? Giving advice on AIDS prevention? That makes NO sense! Well... It makes about as much sense as Terry Bradshaw being a spokesman for Supercuts! Or, Michael Moore being the "voice of reason" for the war on terror!

A Vision-Sea Expert by kaufman 12-04-05

So you say you've been suffering from vivid hallucinations. Exactly, every now and then I just ... Get a load of my buttcrack, fishface! You just had another one, didn't you? You can tell, huh?

Private Audience by kaufman 12-04-05

It all started the other day at the office ... I think it will definitely improve production, don't you? Putting toner in the coffee maker and coffee in the printer? o/` Fa la la la la la la la la. This is boring. Let's head to the ocean and insuilt some fish. Did you see that? See what?

Once More into the Drink by kaufman 12-04-05

Every few days since then, I had another hallucination. Ready? Let's dive in and get them. Raise your robes and drop your shorts!! They've continued since then, always Yo, Jaw-boy, get a load! exposing their buttocks to whatever might swim by. I fart in your general direction, bluefish!

CC 306: You've Got AIDS! by kaufman 12-04-05

I think I know what you have, but I'll have to take a blood sample to be sure. WOOOOOO! It's just as I feared. The tests are conclusive. You're suffering from A Choir Who Moon The Fish In Sea Syndrome. Thank goodness. I was afraid I had AOL.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

RCL no. 712 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 12-04-05

Arrrgggghh! Hi! It's me, Captain Obvious, here in front of the White House with Petey the Butt Pirate, reminding all Americans to wear a condom to prevent the spread of HIV... I don't wear no stinkin' rubber, you @%$# landlubber! Arrrggghhh! Why not? 'Cuz every time I try putting one on, me @%&# hook tears a hole in it! ARRRGGGHHH!! Then, I'm obviously never letting you near MY "booty"!

RCL no. 713 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 12-04-05

You know, Chicka... We've been seeing each other for six months now, and I think you're special. Therefore, I think it's time for us to take the next step and sleep together! I agree. Do you have a condom? No... Do you? Yes! I never travel without them 'cause you never know, right? Uh.... Just last week, a bunch of the guys from my old high school's football team came over to my house to party, and not one of them brought a rubber! THANK GOD I had a couple of boxes laying around...

Groovy! - Loser by edoggydog 12-04-05

...then, I says, "Chump don't want no help, chump don't get no help!" Groovy! Anywayz... I've been doing this new diet plan, and it's working wonders. I've already lost twenty-five pounds in only three weeks! Really? What's the name of the plan? Full-blown AIDS! Can I read about it on-line?

I just noticed this comp. Thank fusk I had just written some AIDS comics or u cunts wouldnt be seeing me right now.

On a Roll by smamurai 12-04-05

It's bad news isn't it Doc? To put things into perspective. You had as much chance of catching AIDS from that toilet-seat as you do of winning the lottery. You think I was worrying over nothing? No, I think you should buy a lottery ticket because YOU'RE ON FIRE!

Finding a Positive by smamurai 12-04-05

Doc, my hives are getting worse. Yup. There's good news, bad news and pretty shitty news. The pretty shitty news is, I may have to get glasses Sucks for you. What's the bad news? You have H.I.V How can there be an upside? It turns out you never had hives.

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GOVT. Warning: Do not smoke around children they will badger you for fags.

AIDS Not Gonna be so Great by cpausti 12-05-05

The letter from the Doctor is here! I have AIDS?! BUT HOW!? I'm sorry sir. Here's your gas and electric bill. NOOOO! Don't worry, sir. Lots of people live a full life with AIDS. Not that, look at this gas bill! Heh! You're fuckin' screwed!

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all the wrong things for all the right reasons

RCL no. 714 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 12-05-05

Hey, Phillip... What's going on? Well, I just got paid, and I was wondering if I could "rent" you for the night... Sure. But, what's that you've got in your arms? A shitload of condoms! Um... Just how much fucking do you intend doing? Until my nuts implode, or your pussy falls out- whichever comes first!

RCL no. 715 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 12-05-05

...and, as you can see on the inside of Gordon's coat, there are numer-ous varieties of condoms out on the market. You may want to use a lubricant when wearing one. Also, before having anal sex, make sure your partner gets a high colonic- "WHOA! That's WAY too much information for fifth graders, Captain Obvious!" Sorry!

RCL no. 716 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 12-06-05

Dad? Yes, son... [sigh]What is it NOW? My teacher today talked about HIV... What's a condom? Something I should have used twelve years and nine months ago! Whaaaaat? By the way... Happy 12th birthday, son. Now, BEAT IT!!

RCL no. 718 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 12-06-05

Okay, Pinky... We're all alone now. Was there something you wanted to talk to me about? Well, sorta... Would this have anything to do with that Hefty trashbag you brought along? That's not a trashbag, Laura! Then, what, pray tell, is it? It's a spread-of-HIV preventer, a.k.a. a condom. Now, shut up, and bend yourself over that rock behind you!

I'm hoping to atleast win Miss Congenial

RCL no. 719 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 12-07-05

Mr. Wizard teaches "AIDS Prevention" at Lexington Jr. High School... Okay, Herman... Tell the class what happened to you. AIDS! Any questions?

Simple, yet stoopid

RCL no. 720 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 12-07-05

Hey, Grams! It's me- your grandson Billy... Billy..? What in the Wide World of Sports happened to you? Well, about a week ago, I signed up for one of those "clinical trials" you hear about on the radio, and they've been giving me experimental HIV vaccine shots... How are they working? TAKE A WILD, FUCKING GUESS!! ?!?

full court press!

Doctor Lizard-Thing (CC:306) by LuckyGuess 12-07-05

Next! Oh dear lord. Not you again. Hey, baby! What's crackalakin? One Blood Test Later I'm going to tell this to you with my serious doctor face, but rest assured I'm laughing on the inside. What is it, bitch? More pamento loaf?

Wheeee! My first comic competition! I'm excited! AIDS all around!

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the kid's getting old, the kid's getting old

You Have AIDS by HotRodDeathToll 12-07-05

You have AIDS No i don't. You do now. Injecting me with sugar doesn't have the same effect as AIDS in a needle. Thats the last time i go to GO-LO!

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The dictator of love and his weapon of mass destruction

CC 306: The AIDS Incident by biped 12-07-05

GUESS WHAT, Mom? I just fucked a CHEAP WHORE with this week's allowance and caught AIDS!!! AIDS??? OH MY GOD, NO!!! OH, MY BABY -- NO!!! NOOOOO!!! Ha, ha -- I was just kidding, Mom. Mom? Dad...Mom's dead. I jokingly told her I had AIDS and she suffered a massive coronary. Well, the joke's on you, young man. Your secret "fuck buddy", Woofy, has DOGGY AIDS.

CC 306: The AIDS Incident 2 by biped 12-07-05

Hello, Bobby. Where's Woofy? I'm here to see you myself, Dr. Pupkin. You see, I...I have... DOGGY AIDS. But, Bobby...a human could only catch DOGGY AIDS from...from... GASP!!! IT'S TRUE!!! IT'S TRUE!!! (SOB!!!) I FUCKED WOOFY!!! I FUCKED WOOFY!!! Well, I'm afraid I'm going to have to cut your head off and sent it to the lab for testing. Will it hurt?

CC 306: The AIDS Incident 3 by biped 12-07-05

Daddy -- I have MONKEY AIDS. It was that field trip to the petting zoo, wasn't it? That does it -- I'm suing the school. Where's Bobby? He's dead...the vet cut his head off. I'm suing his fucking ass, too. Oh. Where's Mommy? Mommy's...on vacation. In Amsterdam.

CC 306: The AIDS Incident 4 by biped 12-07-05

Everybody else is dead. Well, AIDS -- I guess you win THIS round. RING! RING! RING! We just got your blood test results back, Mr. Flonase. I'm afraid you have...HAND AIDS. FUCK! Well, so much for abstinence. Bobby, this is all your fucking fault. Oh, SHUT UP, Dad!