Ghost Dog (directed by Jim Jarmusch) featured Forrest Whitaker a man whose lazy eye could outact Swayze AND Demi Moore any day.

Ghost Dog wins.

Who would win:  David Crosby or The Cosby Show?

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Ham-fisted ham fisting.

Carmen Elektra, or Jennifer Biel in Elektra ?

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Please replace the handset, and try again.

Carmen Electra because Biel wasn't in Elektra.

Patrick Stewart vs Martha Stewart?

Patrick Stewart because he's the captain of the USS Enterprise. Martha Stewart just baked cookies for women in a minimum security hotel.

William Murderface Murderface Murderface or Killface?

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Do you want ants? Because that's how you get ants.

Murderface, simply because Metalacolypse is the best show ever.

Felix the Cat or Garfield?

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

Felix the Cat had a Magic Bag of Tricks, Garfield was just a fat fuck who ate a lot of lasagna. Mind you he was so fat he had to be neutered as well, and Felix was always pretty frisky, so I wonder what kind of "Magic" his "bag" would get up to - the kind that got you a bunch of unwanted kittens. So Garfield.

Also, I apologise for not getting Jennifer Garner/ Jessica Biel's name right. 

Also also, Murderface can play the bass with his wang.  Which earns extra points. 

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Please replace the handset, and try again.

Magic Johnson can cure AIDS, dude, he'd totally win.

Jennifer Connelly's tits or Power Girl's tits?

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I has a flavor!

Power Girl's tits totally. She at least flaunts them.

Jesus Christ vs Esteban De Jesùs

THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU (to win)

Napoleon Dynamite or Napoleon - with some dynamite

Dang it, I found the perfect picture to show why Jesus would win!

[IMG]http://i56.photobucket.com/albums/g171/boloboffin2/111el1.jpg[/IMG]

Sigh.

Napoleon, even with dynamite, has revealed himself to be the bitch of Bill and Ted, so Napoleon Dynamite would dazzle him with footwork.

The Land-o-Lakes Maiden or the St. Pauli Girl?

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You can take the heart out of the hooker but you can't take the hooker out of the heart. -- Frankenhooker

That looks like someone's gay Jesus fantasy.

St. Pauli Girl. The Land O Lakes maiden is covering her tits with a butter box. Lame.

Captain Kirk or Kirk Cameron?

Captain Kirk, because he's a captain, which outranks manwhore.

Captain Morgan or Morgan Freeman?

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What others say about boorite!

Morgan Freeman, because the only life lesson Captain Morgan can teach you is "Oh god, I'll never drink again!"

Rocket Robinhood vs. Rokect Richard.

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Poop.

Rocket Richard once scored a game-winning overtime goal while barely conscious.  Total win.

Guitars, Cadillacs, or Hillbilly Music?

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I has a flavor!

guitars. i don't know of any Cadillac that can ROCK YOUR FACE OFF

Christian Bale as Batman or Michael Keaton as Batman?

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Our liability coverage is zero. Our balls however are enormous.

Christian Bale. Keaton is overrated and cannot portray a proper Batman to save his life. He can't even brood!

Giant pandas or Panda Express?

Tough one. Both are overpriced and taste bad, but Panda Express is easier to sneak past Customs.

English Muffins or the game of snooker?

Snooker. That table is so fucking big it could crush a bar-sized pool table like a bug, let alone a pansy assed english muffin.

Gil Grissom vs. Horatio Caine

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

That's a tough one. Gil is intelligent and kooky in a weird way that turns me on, but Horatio blows up semi trucks with a sniper rifle.

I'm going to have to say Horatio at this moment in time since it's been a while since I've seen a good explosion. I might change my mind tomorrow.

Cthulhu or the Overfiend?

Cthulhu becaOH GOD THE STARS!!!

That fat guy at the anime convention dressed as Sailor Moon or that anorexic catgirl demanding gay orgy pics of every male character under the sun?

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

"bubba moon" wins.

any more fucking inuyasha/DBZ yaoi/scat is going to make me puke more than just some tubby dude in a skirt.

who would win :

Recording artist Fergie or British royal Fergie?

vs.

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Our liability coverage is zero. Our balls however are enormous.

Royal Fergie has close ties to the Queen, under whom serves James Bond. James Bond would take out B.E.P. Fergie with a wave of her majesty's hand, therefore Royal Fergie wins.

ThunderCats or Thunder Lizards?

VS.

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

Thundercats never ate anyone. Thunder lizards for teh win!

[IMG]http://i24.photobucket.com/albums/c12/ivytheplant/petty_tom.jpg[/IMG]
or
[IMG]http://i24.photobucket.com/albums/c12/ivytheplant/petty_richard.jpg[/IMG]

Richard Petty was never in the Traveling Wilburys, which automatically gives Tom the win.

Conan O'Brien vs. Conan the Barbarian.

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I has a flavor!

Duh. Only one of these fuckers is bad assed enough to punch out a camel.

Scrooge McDuck vs. Bill Murray in the movie Scrooged?

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.