CC112: Bizarro uper Britainman Pt. 1 by descolada99 4-08-02

In a freak accident involving fish, Guinness and a toaster, Super Britainman accidentally rips a hole in the space time continuum. *blink* *blink* Transporting none other than Bizarro Super Britainman into the Super X Fantasic League Headquarters! *blink* *blink* How are we going to tell them apart, Captain Looks Vaguely Like Steven Speilburg?! I don't know Cancer Stick X, but we better do it before Aquaman gets here. You know how he hates the British and their "fish and chips."

CC112: Bizarro uper Britainman Pt. 2 by descolada99 4-08-02

Aren't Bizarro World people all supposed to have goatees? Damn! I guess in the Bizarro World the aftermath of grunge was everyone shavign their goatees. We could always ask Captain Obvious... What, and hear him say "Woah, two Super Britainmans!" then leave to download more kitty porn? Meanwhile, in the Obvious Cave (right off Route 5 next to Wal-Mart) Woah! That cat is naked!

CC112: Bizarro uper Britainman Pt. 3 by descolada99 4-08-02

Well now what, Captain Looks Vaguely Like Steen Speilburg? We could dematerialize them and do a spectroanalysis ont heir molecules to determine each one's dimension of origin. Too expensive. We could just toss them into The Cage with Tobor and forget about it. Too messy. I've got it, Cancer Stick X! A cooking contest! Super Britainman's bad British cooking will be a giveaway!

CC112: Bizarro uper Britainman Pt. 4 by descolada99 4-08-02

So the Super X Fantastic League gets the only man qualified for the judging. 'Ello! I'm the Severed Head Of Jamie Oliver! This is gonna be some pukka tukka, chaps! Mmmm.. slightly nutty with a hint of orgeno and.. oh God.. what the? That's FOUL!!! Ohhh that's gorgeous!! this is some mighty pukka tukka. Right-o!

CC112: Bizarro uper Britainman Pt. 5 by descolada99 4-08-02

Pfewww.. we got lucky there. Thank God for teh Severed Head Of Jamie Oliver! Yeah. I can only imagine the horrors that Bizarro Super Britainman would have brought to America, then the world! America? You mean those stupid blokes that grow us tobacco and cotton? Ahh those silly colonies. Uh ohhhh..... Uh ohhhh.....

And I'm bizarro never noticed the missign damn 'S' five times in a row!!!

Good Lord I'm a moron.

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"Fascist Clay was my most favorite totalitarian boxer!" - Indie Rock Pete from Diesel Sweeties

And extra thanks to habnem for bringing back Mr. Sticks-His-Dick-In-Your-Ass-While-You're-Looking-The-Other-Direction. (There's a contest I should've won!)

I apologize for my third entry... but not really.

CC 112: Testing Captain's Ego by Scyess 4-08-02

I, Captain Ego, alone can defeat you! Ha! SCENE OF INDESCRIBABLE VIOLENCE **pant pant** I, Captian Ego, alone can defeat you, Indstructable Paper Clip! Just a few more tries -- then I'll remind him we're on the same side.

CC 112: IPC by Scyess 4-08-02

Don't worry, Indstructable Paper Clip! We won't have to stay in Dr. Pudding's prison much longer! Just fly out through that window and save us! Fly? You can't fly? Christ, here we go again. I am the INDESTRUCTABLE PAPER CLIP. I can't fly. I don't have super vision, or sense, or speed, or weapons. I don't have legs, so I can't walk. I AM A GODDAMNED PAPER CLIP! If I ever get out of here, the Sidekick Assignment Bureau is going to get one nasty letter. You can't even bend me into a lockpick, because I'm the Indestructable Paper Clip.

CC 112: Wow Is This One Tasteless by Scyess 4-08-02

You look like an evil doer! Declare yourself! I am Seductro-Penguin. I seduce unsuspecing men, who then have to live the rest of their lives realizing they had sex with a waterfowl. What smells like fish? IT'S JUST MY BREATH!

CC 112: Bulginator by Scyess 4-08-02

What, you again, Seductro-Penguin? I just defeated you three days ago! Yes, I'm back, but I am now the Bulginator! I find men with too-tight briefs and telekenetically shrink them until their bulge pops like an overripe melon. *Pow!* Right... Listen... I want to apologize for the horrible way I treated you before... can I offer you a ride to some European beaches? Score 1 for the Bulginator!

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"Old" is the old new.

Tales from the Script 5 by israphael 4-08-02

The Striptropolis Justice League dispatches The Human Surfboard and Explosive Diarrhea Man to search for clues at "The Peg Boy" Here we are. Since you know this place, you go first. Look, I told you already, I heard about this place from friends... heterosexual friends. You can turn on the flashlight now. I thought you brought the flashlight. Don't worry, eventually our eyes will adjust to the darkness. Stay close until then. You know, you really don't have to hold my hand.

Tales from the Script 6 by israphael 4-08-02

Consciousness returning... head hurting... dialogue stilted... You awake. Welcome to my lair. I'm Senor Grabby Hands, one of "The Head's" minions. You are now my prisoner. Where's The Human Surfboard? What have you done with him? I am, how do you say it, riding him to climax! OK, that's a mental image I didn't need.

Tales from the Script 7 by israphael 4-08-02

HA Evildoer! Do you really think these bindings can hold me? Prepare to taste justice. Ugh... Ugh... What the Fuck? I know of your superpower, Exposing Derriere Man. So while unconsciousness, I superglued a buttplug in your ass. Your superpower will be your undoing. Do you feel the pressure increasing? It'll continue to build until you burst into a big brown stinky mess. Do you expect me to talk? No, I expect you to crap your pants.

Tales from the Script 8 by israphael 4-08-02

While awaiting his fate, E. D. man meets another prisoner. Who are you? Your cellmate. I Know That! What's your name? How did you get here? I'm Captain Obvious. I was captured. Damn It! How can one man be so irritating? I don't know. Just a talent I have.

Tales from the Script 9 by israphael 4-08-02

Yup, unless there is a sudden plot twist we're going to die horrible stinky deaths. Shut up. And what a terrible place to die. In a prison cell filled with drums of acetone. Shut Up! Shut Up! Shut Up! ---------------A sudden plot twist--------------- Did you know that acetone can be used to dissolve the cyanoacrylate adhesives in superglue? I Mean It! Shut The Fuck Up Or I'm Goi- What did you just say?

[Click to view comic: 'Tales from the Script 10']

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"Nothing expresses the brutal grandeur of rectal polyps and anal fistulae quite like the mother-tongue of Goethe."

Counteroffensive! by kaufman 4-08-02

Here's the plan. Balancing Bitch, you raise a hind leg to The Human Campfire. Bambo, draw first blood from Used Tampon Bola Woman And you ... now that we've captured the tormentor of Steve the Leprechaun, slavery sounds right for him. Sickle, sell Amoeba!

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

CC112: Porpoise Hygienea; Redux Shock Syndrome by Blew_Crabs 4-08-02

Two days, one tampon. Utterly foul, yet Hygienea's menstrual discharge might serve to stablize the brewing frenzy here. The Uterus is nothing like the Middle East River. I doubt you fathom the region's revulsion for her presence. Trust in me; all I did was bleed to save humanity and it got me tossed from the classroom.

CC112: Hygienea Unleashes the Scents of Porpoise by Blew_Crabs 4-08-02

Aquaman's attempt to seal his legacy through appeasement of the bellicose fish has flopped. Uncork your hole, spill some blood and let's end their insurgence! One tampon, two days. Riiight. Your ambition to be a one-note character diminishes this crusade. Try a line that might resonate with public opinion. Awrighty... The secretions from my rancid cunt will drive those evil-doing fish back into their schools!

CC112: Hygienea vs. the Persiflagians: Attack-Reprisal Cycle by Blew_Crabs 4-08-02

You will not defile our East River with your Western blashpemy! I gladly die in face of your potent stench if I manage to strike fear in you! Ahhh! *queeeph... err... ripple* *blup-whup-bubble*... You can end my brutalization by ceasing yours. Ahhh! Stop killing us with your advanced level of offense! Pee-yew. Please, don't defile our East River with your Western blashpemy!

CC112: Hygienia's Brutality is Assailed From the Left by Blew_Crabs 4-09-02

You are only doing Capt. Uterus' bidding with your dominance over the_ weaker_Persiflagians. He gets cheap resources and you get a little piece of the shitty East River. Your reluctance to compromise on the territory issue and your violent hard line disgust me. It's is also gross how your genitalia is hairless. Don't give in to the man! Wanna saturated tampon for your fancy hat?

CC112: Hygienia's Brutality is Assailed From the Correct by Blew_Crabs 4-09-02

Sharkzi's were bad! No shit. The Sharkzi's killed many of us and concentrated us in undesirable places. That's why we settled a Homeland here in the Middle East River. Your attrocities are Sharkzi-esque. Alright then- Leave outsider or I'll shoot my stink at you! Wait! Look over there! Isn't that the Suez crisis? Out!

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[img]http://photo.msn.s8.com/MS8zLzEwNTIwMTk4NjQvMS80MDE3LzE1NS8zMi9yZmM1RHUxZU9fZzNxRnk0RkFEdjB3/46b435275f6d18e45188099d0587305d/clbk=HcZNnT9kkUh6!cx8ceVWZpdc4adQXMF7dxfRN8fxUJ20XRZVw0NDoYaVMU251evB

scyess: i've actually used mr. dick before...

(not an entry):

C.C. LXXII(b): Snapshots of a Disaster by habnem 10-13-01

7:22 am / AttitudeChicka goes to work. What a beautiful morning! The sun is shining, and my anus feels so moist! 7:22 am / Mr. Sticks-His-Dick-in-Your-Ass-While-You're-Looking-the-Other-Direction takes his morning walk. What a beautiful morning! The sun is shining, and my anus feels so moist!

fuzzy: i figure the only way i can keep "power newbie" status is by disappearing for a couple months at a time. (:

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- christ@myself.com - fuck a cat, kill yourself - my alter ego has five stars

quote:

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fuzzy: i figure the only way i can keep "power newbie" status is by disappearing for a couple months at a time. (:

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Tales from the Script 12 by israphael 4-09-02

Since "The Human Surfboard" is out of action for a while, you'll have to pick a new partner. So why don't you meet more members of the Justice League. My name is "Medusa". I have the ability to control hair. Mess with me and I'll give you a bad case of splitheads. PHUCK MAH BHUTLOUDE! Don't mind him, that's "Drunk Before Noon Man". I'm "Canadian Man". I have the ability to make Americans feel superior. I'm Jesus.

Tales from the Script 13 by israphael 4-09-02

By interrogating "Senor Grabby Hands", we have uncovered other minions of "The Head". So you and "Medusa" will go to "The Pet Shop" the headquarters of "Koff-Man". "The Pet Shop"? Is that another gay bar? Or maybe some type of trendy casino? I know, I bet it's a weird cult. It's a pet shop.

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"Nothing expresses the brutal grandeur of rectal polyps and anal fistulae quite like the mother-tongue of Goethe."

ahh, but the SC bylaw which called the position into existence allowed for more than one "power newbie." besides, i think it was decided a long time ago that i am a power newbie in perpetuity, even if i do a whole bunch of speed and make 30,000 comics. i did, however, read part of the "negro and white person" series, and will gladly share my throne with maxawa.

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- christ@myself.com - fuck a cat, kill yourself - my alter ego has five stars

The saga continues... no, not that saga. The Mediocres' saga.

C.C. CXIId: The Mediocres 0 - Another Member? by habnem 4-09-02

Mayor Fuzzman, I presume? Yes. Who are you? Why, I'm Captain Menbah, of course! Oh! Wonderful! What are your powers? Well--do you have any Jurgens lotion? Oy.

C.C. CXIIe: The Mediocres 1/2 by habnem 4-09-02

Well, relatively speaking, I'm glad you're here. Oh yeah--I forgot to mention my ability to instantly change sides of the frame for dramatic convenience purposes. Yes, lovely. I called a team of superheroes, but they haven't shown up yet. That blows. Who'd you call? The Mediocres. My. I haven't heard that name in some time.

C.C. CXIIf: The Mediocres -1 by habnem 4-09-02

You know, I was a member of The Mediocres once... I've been thinking, and there's only enough room for one Captain in this group, Captain Sticks-His-Dick-et-cetera. Oh, is that right, Captain Menbah? Well, I have seniority! Perhaps, but I'm much cooler-looking! Oh yeah? Well look over there! The pain is still with me to this day. What? I don't see anything! 3... 2... 1...

C.C. CXIIg: The Mediocres 4, I guess by habnem 4-09-02

If only I'd had some Jurgens lotion then... Well, I guess they aren't going to show up, so you're on your own. The situation is this--there are a bunch of weird things with feet for ears terrorizing the city. I need you to stop them. Well, that sounds easy enough. Suddenly... Everyone hit the ground! Not so fast, mutant! I will unzip my pants of justice!

C.C. CXIIh: The Mediocres 5 - The Cliffhanger Issue by habnem 4-09-02

Huzzah! The Mediocres are here! Long time no see, Captain Sticks-His-Dick-In-Your-Ass-While-You're-Looking-the-Other-Direction. To be continued... Captain Menbah! What's a nice piece of ass like you doing in a place like this? Excuse me. I'm trying to terrorize the city here...

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- christ@myself.com - fuck a cat, kill yourself - my alter ego has five stars

My bad.

In "Tales from the Script 12", Medusa is supposed to say [split-ends] not [split-heads].

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"Nothing expresses the brutal grandeur of rectal polyps and anal fistulae quite like the mother-tongue of Goethe."

My bad.

In "Tales from the Script 12", Medusa is supposed to say [split-ends] not [split-heads].

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"Nothing expresses the brutal grandeur of rectal polyps and anal fistulae quite like the mother-tongue of Goethe."

I thought it was so important that I had to post it twice. I might even post it a third time.

Gomen Nasai

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"Nothing expresses the brutal grandeur of rectal polyps and anal fistulae quite like the mother-tongue of Goethe."

quote:

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Gomen Nasai

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Well, since nobody cared that I was a day late in the judging, I could probably declare myself the winner and rule the comic contests for eternity! But then, I'd have to keep judging them. So, I'll have to do the right thing and pick someone else as a winner.

Here are the honourable mentions. Some of these got on the list just for creating an interesting and creative superhero. That's exactly what I was hoping for.

Kevin Keegans Perm - Summertime Superhero's convention (Doesn't comply with the crossover rule, but it did create Canadian Yet Sober Man)

fuzzyman - Super Britainman versus The Head

deucepm - The Life of Captain Obvious

kaufman - Super Britainman vs. Tiny Origami Girl

drave - The Adventures of Captain I Know Karate
DexX - One Word Bit Guy

And the winner...

israphael - Tales From The Script

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"Oh, look, a joke! How original! Thank you, but if I wanted my emotions stimulated pleasurably, I'd get a whore." - Donald B. Jones III