Inspired by an actual conversation just yesterday:

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Mediocrity at its most average.

Alien puns! by Trippingbillee 1-16-03

Hey, keep your eye out for anything suspicious. Why? I just thought it might be important to have an eye on things. Ok, I guess, but everything seems pretty normal. So, Do you believe in "Eye for an Eye?" I hate it when you get drunk.

It's old, but there wasn't a rule against that.

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Sex Piano.

A blaze in the northern sky by Zegota 2-10-03

WE ARE THE BUCKET PEOPLE! WE WILL CONSUME YOUR TRASH! WE WILL INVADE YOUR HOMES WITH OUR BUCKET ARMY! WE WILL BRAINWASH YOUR GULLIBLE CHILDREN! We should stop drinking. I live in a bucket.

In the shadow of the horns by Zegota 2-10-03

WOW, what the hell are you. What the hell am I? Yeah, you look like a weird pink elephant type freaky monster thing Not this again, SOBER UP YOU STUPID BASTARD. What? Oh? Honey? I'm.... uh.... You have to stop drinking that aftershave Jens.

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And you know what Hell is, folks. It's Andy Gibb, singing 'Shadowdancing' for aeons and aeons...

Here's one. Old but completely relevant:

Booze Makes You Popular by naz_ghul 2-27-01

If I can just drink enough . . . Almost there . . . Ooh, there it is!

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The woman said, "Sir, if you were my husband, I'd poison your tea." Churchill replied "madame, if you were my wife, I'd drink it.

Ooh, is it Oldies time? Let's turn the clock way back to Winter '02!

CC 99: Irish Drinking Song by kaufman 2-09-02

On the 17th of March / We used to get so drunk / We'd throw up in the parking lot / Stink worse than a skunk ... St. Patrick's Day was just an / Excuse to have green beer / Sobriety could not be found / Within miles of here! I had another Guinness / Then Right before my eyes / St. Pat appered in boxer shorts / Hearts girding his thighs He told us this was not how / To celebrate his day / "Remember it commemorates / How I drove the snakes away!" If you see one around here / Put your lips around its head / Then suck out all its venom / Till it falls limp and dead. My goodness I see a snake / Emerging from my pants / Now come on boys and kill it / And I'll do a happy dance.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

CC 169:- True by TheGovernor 2-10-03

Bud! Weis! Er!

Now's a good time to mention that my entry is old too.

With a nod to Mako_Man ...

The Druid of Stonedhenge II by Namgubed 2-10-03

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"There's no point in beating a dead horse ... except, of course, for the pure joy of it." - A. Whitney Brown

CC:169 They only let you drink it when its ready by TheGovernor 2-10-03

Later at the ranch.... Generating gravitons!!! ha ha ha ha what the fuck are you on about Schhhtop!! This Strip isn't ready yet, you haven't even got the background right, what about the pregnant pause?... ...When the Dutch brew the Grolsch they take their time.

okay, i wanted to make a parody of those pepsi twist commercials, but it turned out to be very un-funny and not really all that alcohol-related. but i'm gonna post it anyway.

CC:169 Makes no sense by illyanadmc 2-10-03

hi, so, are you my blind date? yah. i didn't think you were gonna show up for awhile there. i've already had a few drinks, so i apologize for any strange behavior. well, i kind of have a surprise for you. i'm not really who you think i am. umm... you're not a guy, are you? i'm lara flynn boyle! crap. i'm not drunk enough for this.

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all your retarded comics are belong to me.

CC 169: Science Mission by kaufman 2-10-03

This specimen has been drinking Scotch on the rocks. He is very drunk. This one has been drinking Bourbon and water. He is totally zonked. And this one has been drinking "lite beers," which are essentially watered down malt beverages. He is completeley plastered ... Computer, RECORD: water causes drunkenness in Species 6109.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

CC 169:Why drunken internet surfing is not cool pt1 by attitudechicka 2-10-03

Great party. I'm completely trashed. Yeah, me too. So, internet? I thought you'd never ask. What should we look up? Let's send information requests to colleges! Sounds like a super-de-duper idea.

CC 169:Why drunken internet surfing is not cool pt.2 by attitudechicka 2-10-03

What college is that? Hickey. It's a business school in Westport. Put my name in there. Ask if a GED is good enough. Where the fuck is the "B" key? There's no "B" in GED. There is now.

CC 169:Why drunken internet surfing is not cool pt.3 by attitudechicka 2-10-03

Dude. I think I'm gonna pass out. Can I use your bed? As long as you clear the crap off it first. Have fun looking up college crap. Okay. By the way, what's your email address? Attitudechicka at yahoo, why? No reason. *giggle*

CC 169:Why drunken internet surfing is not cool pt.4 by attitudechicka 2-10-03

Two days later... Well, my hangover is finally gone, but I've got this strange ringing in my ears. "Ring! Ring!" Oh. It's the phone. Hello? Hi, Gia, this is Margaret* with Hickey college. *Name changed to protect the innocent Damn you, Jason! We're calling to set up a tour of the campus.

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Mediocrity at its most average.

What, I only need to look in the RMDC forum to figure that out!

Well, it's part of a series, but I still worked it around to fit in here...

Beware his wrath! by Buffylavalamp 2-10-03

In heaven no one can hear you scream... Hey, Tiki Tim! Any luck getting any worshippers yet? NO! Sorry. I know I shouldn't snap. Damn, my eternal life sucks. What do you think's wrong? Well, there's my frickin' name to start. "Ooooh! I'm the Almighty Tiki Tim! Tremble in fear and beg for my mercy!" Sure, that's going to happen. Sounds like you need a drink. Oh yeah! Water into wine! That'll make my troubles go away! Jackass.

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Please remember to spay and neuter your elected representatives.

Do your part for the enviornment: recycle recycle recycle!

Remember these? Four-digit comics! Wow.

Chicken's Lament by Scyess 3-11-01

Howdy, partner. Why the long face? I'm tired of being stereotyped as cowardly just because I happen technically to be a "chicken." Shucks. That's a shame. That's why I'm here in this bar drowning my sorrows. If you'd care to drown 'em in honey barbeque sauce, I've got plenty of it at my place. That is, unless you're scared. Then again, running in terror every once in a while might not be such a bad thing.

Fuck the Scottish VI by Scyess 5-31-02

Yap, it's troo! We tricked all ya silly bastards into knocking tiny little balls into holes hundreds of yards away! And thinking it's fun, no less! HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHA Hey, Jon? What are you doing? I thought we hate the Scottish now? Yeah, that was before this guy paid for a few rounds of Glengoyne 17. We love the Scottish now. Get with it! It's troo too, I tell ya! Yoo were the ones eatin' the real sheep innards -- we always put ground prime rib in our haggas! HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA

Think I'll win with this one? Me, either.

Fuck the Scottish VII by Scyess 5-31-02

Gee, Mr. Scottish Person, we sure are sorry for making fun of you. An' ya shoold be, too, laddie! But no hard feelin's. To revile and stereotype only belittles ones own self. My name's Jon, by the way. And you are...? Name's Scott, but me friends call me Scotty. Name's Scott "Scotty" MacPissdrunk! That's all, ladies and gentlemen! Drive safely! Good night!!

Random Comic! Untold Religious Stories ]|[ by Scyess 6-20-02

And God said, Let there be light: and there was light. And God saw the light, that it was good: and God divided the light from the darkness. And God said, Let there be lite beer: and that one didn't go over quite so well. Dude! This tastes like ass! No shit! Who makes this crap, anyway?

CC 149: Untold Religious Stories XV by Scyess 10-22-02

Awake, you drunkards, and weep; and wail, all you drinkers of wine, because of the sweet wine, for it is cut off from your mouth. Hold on, wait a second -- I'm totally lost. Me too. What part of the Bible is this from? Er, The Book of Joel. The book of who? I've never heard of the Book of "Joel." Isn't that one of those joke Bible books, like the "Book of Delusions?" Or maybe I could just smite your drunk lackey ass. No, no, we're cool, but couldn't you maybe move us somewhere with more pizzaz, like the Book of Numbers? Or maybe Deuteronomy? "Deuteronomy" is fun to say.

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"Old" is the old new.

CC 169: Employment Advice by kaufman 2-11-03

The money may be good, but never, ever take a job tending bar at an Irish Pub Internet Cafe. One Harp lager. You want draft or a 12-ounce bottle? I want it in a half 1337r mug. The clientele will drive you absolutely nuts. All your Bass are belong to me. Nyuk nyuk nyuk! Oh, brother! You wouldn't believe some of their requests. My name is Craig. I only have a few months to live, and my dying wish is to get a postcard certifying that I broke the world record for getting the most Guinnesses...

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

CC169:- Subliminal by TheGovernor 2-11-03

Hey Carl, Ling was on the phone, wants to know if we want to meet her at the usual place, she's bringing her friend Stella Art House? thats the usual meeting place, but arent you meeting up with your old army friends Nick and Ken? Yeah but I'll just say Hi Nick, Ken Sir, and make my way over, after droping off Stans Medication Hey Bud, Why Sir? Ken outranked me, here can you hold Stans pills while I get my coat Of Coorse, and I think we should drop in on our friend Miller. Time he got out and about aswell.

My national pride forced me to create this uncreation by Zegota 2-11-03

Budweiser! WEEEE Guinness WOOO! Pint YEEEAAAAH! Lager WOOO! You can stuff all yer panzy drinks up yer arses! Jupiler! Rodenbach! Palm! Duvel! Geueze! Hoegaarden! --- ALL HAIL BELGIAN BEERS!!!

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And you know what Hell is, folks. It's Andy Gibb, singing 'Shadowdancing' for aeons and aeons...

drunk 1 by boinky33 2-11-03

Ohhh, I'm so wasted. Hey, Dave. What? I'm so wasted

drunk 2 by boinky33 2-11-03

Are you drunk? I don't know. I think I'm just tired because I've spent all night drinking.

drunk 3 by boinky33 2-11-03

I think I'm going to be sick. *GULP* Nevermind.

drunk 4 by boinky33 2-11-03

After a couple of minutes... Are you saying I'm gay? No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. Well, yes.

drunk 5 by boinky33 2-11-03

I'm not gay. I'm not really saying that you're GAY! I'm just saying that you enjoy having sex with men. .......So, can I have your girlfriend then?

[Click to view comic: 'drunk 6']