cc 171: Careful what... by NeoVid 2-18-03

For freeing me, I will give you one wish. Just one? Ripoff. Which would you rather have, one or zero? Okay! I wish I was smarter and better looking. Done.

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"Only things I approve of should exist." -some guy on the internet

CC 171: Plan ahead by NeoVid 2-18-03

In exchange for your soul, I can grant any one wish. All right, I wish that for as long as I want, I will be immortal, infinitely powerful, and have total knowledge of and control over my abilities. Dammit. I've been thinking about this for a long time.

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"Only things I approve of should exist." -some guy on the internet

cc 171: True story by NeoVid 2-18-03

Your character has just found a wishing ring. Seriously? All your other players say I'll abuse wishes like crazy. No, I think it'll turn out all right. So, what does your character want to get? He's getting that +10 vorpal sword he's always wanted! Now I'll show everyone what I've got. Oh, by the way, if you didn't want the sword to appear point-down in the air over your character's head, you should have said so. *sob*

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"Only things I approve of should exist." -some guy on the internet

I don't really to expect any of these comics I do for competitions to win; I just have fun doing them. :)

CC 171: Old Lady, Old Joke by Chaly 2-18-03

Alright, lady, this is the Narrator speaking. I'll grant you three wishes. Oh, heavens to betsy... well, I wish I were young and beautiful. And now I wish I were rich.... really rich. Yarr! Here's the map to me buried treasure! And now, I wish my cat were a handsome young man...........Oooooh, NICE. Ha, I'll bet you're sorry you had me neutered.

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"You cannot lick the system. You can, however, fondle it."

Be Careful What You Ask For by kaufman 2-18-03

I can't get that silly hot dog jingle out of my head. o/` Oh I wish I were an Oscar Meyer wiener, that is what I'd truly like to be ... Gott in Himmel! How did you know my name was Meyer Wiener? I'll grant you your wish and turn you into an Academy Award. And the award for best song goes to ... Celine Dion, for "My Song Will Go On and On and On." NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

The Devil is in the Details by kaufman 2-18-03

Film Critic Andy Dougan A new version of "Bedazzled" was released this week. The good news: it's more faithful to the Cook/Moore classic than the 2000 remake. The bad news: It's dumbed down for today's audiences, who won't figure out that the Devil is twisting every wish maximally. Thus, the wishes are just stated explicitly. Like this: And for my next wish I want to be a lesbian nun, bound to a vow of silence, jumping up and down on a trampoline, all the while as I make pffffffffft noises. Granted!

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

CC 171: Canada I by Trippingbillee 2-18-03

So the other day, I was walking home from a hard day at the office, when I came across a magical genie! He said he could grant me one wish. But I wasn't fooled. I knew it was some guy trying to swindle me out of my hard earned money! So I killed him! Turns out killing random strangers is illegal though, so now I have to go to Canada. The irony is that I've always wished that go to Canada! Isn't that silly?

CC 171: Canada II by Trippingbillee 2-18-03

Hi, is this Canada? Yes. I came here to escape the police, because I killed a man claiming to be a genie. Yeah, we get that a lot. Say, would you like some Canadian beer? It's satisfactory!

CC 171: Canada III by Trippingbillee 2-18-03

Hi. Could you point me to a safe place to hide? Kill a genie, eh? Yes. Well, I'd try the hockey stadium. Or that police station with those stupid guys in red coats who wear those dumb hats. That's about all that's here, unless you count the snow.

CC 171: Canada IV by Trippingbillee 2-18-03

Yes, I'm safe here in Canada! Time for a nefarious laugh! Hahahahaha. Excuse me, sir. Are you an U.S. citizen who viciously assaulted and murdered a man about two weeks ago? You fit the profile we were given. No, sir. But I am enjoying my stay in Canada. I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to bring you to the stupid police station with guys who wear dumb hats for questioning. Eh. Oh, drat! Now I'm going to have to face the consequences. No, in Canada prisoners go to hockey games and drink Canadian beer. And play in the snow.

CC 171: Canada V by Trippingbillee 2-18-03

What a crazy adventure! I killed an evil genie, went to the greatest country of all, and watched hockey! In fact, I have nothing left to do in my life. Except masturbate. Vigorously.

I've always found the concept of Canada funny. Does anyone actually live there? I'd like to meet that person someday.

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Sex Piano.

Nobody you should be concerned with. Just keep submitting those funny comics.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

I am aware of what I am doing. I actually assumed most of the regulars were from Canada.

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Sex Piano.

Wait a minute... Was that sarcasm? So if it was... hey! I don't insult your comics! Just because mine aren't funny doesn't mean you have to say that!

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Sex Piano.

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"You'll burn for this. Burn in jail!"

The only way to fly by Spankling 2-18-03

Sorry Spanks. I've got a toad boiling back home. Gotta fly. Don't tell me it's over already! Can't I go too? what? On my broomstick? Don't you think I would make a nice hood oriment for that stick? *wink* *sigh* Okay turn around and bend over, but this is the last ride! Life is good!

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

Its the Bargaining of the End by itsclark 2-18-03

I've been wandering this desert for days. Please... I must have water! Only on one condition: Upon death, your soul belongs to me! I agree. Anything! Just...

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"You'll burn for this. Burn in jail!"

Hurts so good by Spankling 2-18-03

You think you're tough? Let's find out just how tough! You asked for it. Ouch! Hey! How 'bout a safe word! Ouch! Call me when you get untangled. Come back and fight!

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

Hope you know how to hold your breath, bud.

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"You cannot lick the system. You can, however, fondle it."

Wet Dream of Genie by itsclark 2-18-03

Genie, some things are going to have to start changing around here! How do you mean, Master? For starters, I demand sexual gratification in a style of my choosing, twice daily! Oh, but Master, I do not think that... Then I'm loaning you out to Major Heely for some three-way action with you and the base fluzy. I owe him a favor!

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"You'll burn for this. Burn in jail!"

CC 171: Easy Money by Bargaintuan 2-18-03

I am the Genie of the Lamp! For releasing me you get three wishes. I only wish that were true. D'oh! I wish I hadn't said that. D'oh! I wish I could keep my damn mouth shut! ...

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Life is a lot like getting mugged; you get your kicks, you take your punches, and when it's over, someone else gets your cash.

CC 171: The old joke (19) by Devin 2-18-03

Please don't hurt me, the genie made-- your mama's so cheap, she has to PAY people to do her! YOU THINK YOU'RE SMART, DON'T YOU?! No, no, not at all! I'm not-- your mama's so cheap, the bum across the street turned her down for sex because he was too good for her! WHY YOU...! And let's not even mention how her johns pay her in food stamps-- um, please don't hurt me? You leave me little choice.

CC 171: The old joke (20) by Devin 2-18-03

See, I told you I'd help you. You made that guy so mad that all he did was pound you to a bloody pulp! Yeah... thanks... By the way, you want me to do something about your headaches? Yeah, why not? You can't make it any worse than this. You underestimate me. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA IT BURNS IT BURNS!!!!!!

CC 171: The old joke (21) by Devin 2-18-03

See if you can screw THIS wish up! I wish to be able to run as fast as a horse-- Wait a minute, I didn't say I wished to BE a horse! You didn't say that you DIDN'T either. Damned rules lawyer.

CC 171: The old joke (22) by Devin 2-18-03

I got it this time! I wish, without turning into a horse, that I'll be able to run as fast as a hor-- I wasn't finished. I know. Bastard.

CC 171: The old joke (23) by Devin 2-18-03

I'll show you! I wish... that we were married! Huh? WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN, DRINKING OUT ALL NIGHT WITH YOUR FRIENDS AGAIN?! HURRY UP AND TAKE OUT THE TRASH, YOU GOOD-FOR-NOTHING USELESS... What the hell was I thinking?

[Click to view comic: 'CC 171: The old joke (24)']

CC 171: Beat It! by Bargaintuan 2-18-03

I am the Genie of the lamp! For releasing me I will grant you three wishes. I wish I were rich and popular, so rich and popular that I could do anything I want and get away with it! Rich, popular, and could get away with anything... You've used your three wishes quickly! Alakazaam! OH, MY GOD! I'M MICHAEL JACKSON!!!

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Life is a lot like getting mugged; you get your kicks, you take your punches, and when it's over, someone else gets your cash.

Devin is all over this contest like stink on shit.
Only much funnier!

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"You'll burn for this. Burn in jail!"

quote:

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Devin is all over this contest like stink on shit.
Only much funnier!

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cc171: Inside of a dog, its too dark to read. by lara7 2-19-03

I wish I had a guy who would love me unconditionally. The Genie of the Forest grants your wish! Really? Oh, thank you! No problem. {snicker} I totally deserved it when you kicked me for chewing the toes from your shoes. I love you. Here's a mouse I caught for you. Dammit.

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When they invent BookFace, I'm -there-.

CC171:- Apple Advert by TheGovernor 2-19-03

God Damn piece of crap, stupid bloody PC, windows fucking crashing again right in the middle of my report, I'll kill you, you worthless pile of shit, Wait here. *sigh* I wish I was an iMac

CC 171: All Your Wish Are Belong To Us by bonwag 2-19-03

Thank you for rescuing me from a largely irrelevant but imminent danger. I can grant you three wishes. I wish for the exclusive ability to make the best, most universally beneficial wish possible. Done. Cool. So I'm the only one who has this knowledge? No one else? Nope. By the terms of your wish, it's your exclusive. Heh. What a shame I'm a selfish bastard. Goodbye, cruel world.

CC 171: This Comic Ends With A Character Uttering 'Moh!' by bonwag 2-19-03

Thank you for something nice you did for me. I grant you three wishes. I wish to make my first wish. ERROR: ILLEGAL DIVIDE BY ZERO Great. moh!

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exit, pursued by a bear

CC 171: Shrink Rap by kaufman 2-19-03

You wanted to see me. You are concerned about some issues? Yes, Dr. Freud. I fear that all my wishes are coming true, and I'm becoming terribly and despotically powerful. I see, and how long have you felt this way? Ever since I started making people see through their grinning mouths. Uh huh, and when exactly does this happen? When I wish eyes are smiling.