Entry 1:

CC: Worst things to Hear from a Doctor by punkrockskaboy 5-01-03

Before you pass out from the gas: What the hell does THAT do? SHIT! I am late for my tee time! Umm...excuse me ma'am, can you cover for me? AFTER surgery Nurse, have you seen my watch? Well, if it isn't Mr. Johnson, then who is it huh? Who? Any time: This'll hurt you a lot more than it'll hurt me. Do me a favor and hold my beer while I check your prostate.

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Welcome to Bohemia. Population: a lot Cash flow: a little

The better the medicine makes me feel, the worse my jokes get.

CC184: Whose Lion is it anyway? by mmyers 5-01-03

THINGS YOU DON"T WANT TO HEAR A DOCTOR SAY. OK, the bad part first. Hypothermia has been known to make some of your extremities fall off. The good part is...um, you'll always be giving a thumbs up...like the Fonz, ya know? Ayeee. MOVIES YOU'D LIKE TO SEE MADE. They're making a movie out of 'Dianetics'? I hope John Travolta is in it. CONFESSIONS OF A DANGEROUS STRIP CREATOR. Kaufman doesn't really even know what 'Orienteering' means. I just thought it made me sound mysterious.

CC184: Whose Strip is it? by mmyers 5-01-03

LITTLE KNOWN SECRETS ABOUT SC REGULARS. If you pay $2000 to PayPal, you'll get your own forumuser character, sort of like paying to get into SAG. THINGS NOT TO SAY TO AN ASSASSIN. I loved that movie 'Assassin' with Antonio Banderas and Sly Stallone. THINGS YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR A DOCTOR SAY. You know, while I've got my hand up here, we should do a puppet show.

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Peeing sitting down is the gift you give yourself.

Extend the deadline.

CC 184: It's Ironic Because It's Crap by BigEvilDan 5-02-03

UNPOPULAR HOBBIES Ah, nothing beats making unfunny comics without punctuation or captialization. WORST THING TO HEAR FROM A DOCTOR I'm so smart. Who needs proper spelling when you can make jokes about assrape? HOBBIES FOR THE INVULNERABLE I think I'll post these to the Read My Damn Comics forum.

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"Oh, look, a joke! How original! Thank you, but if I wanted my emotions stimulated pleasurably, I'd get a whore." - Donald B. Jones III

CC 184 by BigEvilDan 5-02-03

WORST THING TO HEAR FROM A DOCTOR Don't worry about it. I've been dead for weeks and nobody's noticed. MOVIES YOU HOPE THEY'LL MAKE Frankly Scarlett, I give a damn about everything, no matter how annoying. Just leave me alone Dr. Pedantic! LITTLE-KNOWN SECRETS ABOUT THE SC REGULARS Brad died three months ago, and Stripcreator has been impersonating him ever since.

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"Oh, look, a joke! How original! Thank you, but if I wanted my emotions stimulated pleasurably, I'd get a whore." - Donald B. Jones III

CC 184: blah! by boinky33 5-02-03

WORST THING TO HEAR FROM A DOCTOR You got cancer. MOVIES YOU HOPE THEY'LL MAKE The Lizzie Maquire Movie! REJECTED COMIC CONTEST IDEAS Do something about Dadaism.

Crap, I meant to make him say: NOT the lizzie maquire movie!

You're too late. The truth is out.

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"Oh, look, a joke! How original! Thank you, but if I wanted my emotions stimulated pleasurably, I'd get a whore." - Donald B. Jones III

10 points to Weasle for his non-sequiteur doctor.

40 to Kaufman for Extreme Twister and the colon mockery.

23 to Its for his IQ test.

120 to Scyess. Taylor, heh.

10 more to Its for recycling one punchline and making it funny.

6 to skaboy, one for each gag.

Minus five to Governor, for getting me to extend the deadline to Sunday.

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"Only things I approve of should exist." -some guy on the internet

Due to extended deadline and buttonmen down ... by kaufman 5-03-03

LITTLE-KNOWN SECRETS OF THE SC REGULARS Pssst pssst pssssst pssst psst. What was that? WHO sits naked in the dark at 3 AM watching Mork and Mindy reruns? REJECTED COMIC CONTEST IDEAS CC 196: Comics about Protozoa? That won't do. How about this? CC 196: Creative uses for Cream of Wheat. HOBBIES FOR THE INVULNERABLE What are you going to do with your vacation time? I'm becoming President for Life of Bolivia.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Ryan Stiles by TheGovernor 5-04-03

THINGS NOT TO SAY TO AN ASSASSIN Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me? WORST THING TO HEAR FROM A DOCTOR Good news. My cousin owns a funeral parlour, and if you tell him I referred you, you'll get 10 percent off INSTANT IQ TEST Actually I thought Minority Report was a brilliant film, with a well developed plot, and a great ending.

Colin Mochrie by TheGovernor 5-04-03

INSTANT IQ TEST Ooh, Popstars is on! HOBBIES FOR THE INVULNERABLE Russian Roulette? Hmm ok, sounds like fun THINGS NOT TO SAY TO AN ASSASSIN Actually yes, I was the TV executive responsible for cancelling "The Critic"

CC 184: hahahahahahha by boinky33 4-30-03

WORST THING TO HEAR FROM A DOCTOR What the fuck is that? MOVIES YOU HOPE THEY'LL MAKE Kangaroo Jack .... IN SPACE! THINGS NOT TO SAY TO AN ASSASSIN Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

Sorry if it's been done, I haven't read all the entries yet.

Things not to say to an assain/ Hobbies for the invunerable. by Kwaksplurge 5-04-03

HAHA! The joke's on you! I'm imune to all forms of pain short of of being c0rnh0led by a sandpaper d1ld0!

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Heggo.

17 points to Governor for Minority Report, just because I think agreeing with the majority is a sign of low intelligence.

And 2 more points and teh win to Scyess, for large quantities of teh funneh.

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"Only things I approve of should exist." -some guy on the internet

AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!
I HAD SEX WITH NEOVID FOR NOTHING!

quote:

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Ryan Stiles

--CC 184: hahahahahahha

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Woo! With another CC victory, I'm well on my way to that $40M movie deal, I can smell it.

New contest Monday, or whenever I think of something, whichever is sooner. (Let's all hope the latter is sooner.)

And a note to boinky -- I guess we know which one of us is better in bed.

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"Old" is the old new.

ARGH! Don't let Scyess win! He always comes up with those complicated-ass contests!

Geez... it's one thing if you want to rip off Callahan comics, but do you really have to enter them in a comic contest?

Oh. That'll be where I saw that. I thought it was familiar...

Well, shit. I'll just have to think of something original for the next one.

Congrats, Scyess.

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Please replace the handset, and try again.

Neovid said he faked his orgasms with you.

Not an entry of course, but I forget which thread this was in response to ...

Worst Conversations at the ... by Namgubed 7-03-02

Urologist ... Can you make it ... larger? Nurse!!! Bring the K-Y! Gynecologist ... Dr. Rosenbaum, at your cervix! D-oh! Proctologist ... Good lord! There's a dozen long-stemmed roses up your ass! Read the card! Read the card!

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"There's no point in beating a dead horse ... except, of course, for the pure joy of it." - A. Whitney Brown