Arabian Vs. Kajun: When Stereotypes Attack (1) by jes_lawson 10-09-03

I don't like the way I'm used on Stripcreator! I don't like the way I'm used on Stripcreator! JINX! JINX! Grr! Grr!

Arabian Vs. Kajun: When Stereotypes Attack (2) by jes_lawson 10-09-03

I'm sick of being used as either as a terrorist or an Iraqi! Bunch of arse! Try being portrayed as a drunken Scot week in week out! Pah! I'm wearing a turban. Arabs wear a ghutra. It's sacrilege! I've been drawn wearing a kilt and holding a pint of beer. I'm... ...A cross dressing Hawaiian with a fetish for beakers of urine? You're gonnae get a Glasgow kiss in a minute...

Arabian Vs. Kajun: When Stereotypes Attack (Finale) by jes_lawson 10-09-03

Your attitude insults and offends me, "Jock" Like I care, "Abdul" Heathen Transvestite! Towel-Head! Insults will get you nowhere! I, however, have slipped some anthrax into your lager! *Boak* Best pint of Tennents I ever...*hurk!*

Arabian Vs. Kajun: When Stereotypes Attack (Epilogue) by jes_lawson 10-09-03

Victory for the Arab League! ...who are you? My name is Kajun from a previous incarnation. You killed my avatar! Prepare to die! Arabians don't believe in reincarnation. Neither do the Scots. But in the words of Highlander... ¡Dos Pablos Nimos! Allah Ahkbar, that stings! *dies* "There can be only one!"

Everyone knows you can't kill an immortal. I anticipate Kajun back in the next round looking like his old self.

Rejected lines of dialogue:
"Aye, that Arab wasn't so bad. We both liked eating the parts of sheep other people throw away..."

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Please replace the handset, and try again.

Neal vs. Ranger (1) by mmyers 10-09-03

What ho, dweller of Middle Earth! 'Twould seem I do need to speak words with you. Man, I don't have time for this. I'm on my way to work. I don't even know you, dude. 'Lo, I am Imax the Wanderer, a half-elf from Underdark, and thou didst sit on my favorite seat at the McDonald's on 8th street. For that, we must battle! Man, I've got ten minutes to get uptown. Fuck off. What ho! Hold that cab so that we can ride together and split the fee. I don't get my allowance until Thursday!

Neal vs. Ranger (2) by mmyers 10-09-03

So as you can see, ladies and gentlemen of the board, if we focus on our steady clients instead of new ventures, we will see higher yields over a 5 year span. Excellent presentation, Neal. So it is a gradual increase instead of an immediate... *pant pant* What ho! Thou didst try to lose me in your labrynthian maze, but like the minotaur you are, I have found you. Prepare to be vanquished, minotaur. Man, that ain't no damn maze, it's office cubes, and I ain't no damn minotaur, I'm the guy who's going to call security. Call your demons, I shall vanquish them! But first, we shall battle. Now I'm +2 when using a rapier, so I think we should battle with rapiers. Also, I'm 2d4 on damage with it, so watch out! Man, I'm +size 11 and 1/2 to put my foot dead in your ass.

Neal vs Ranger (3) by mmyers 10-09-03

Then what happened, baby? I was about to put my foot in his D-and-D playing cracker ass, but then security pulled me off of him. Ruined my whole damn presentation. What ho! Get thee behind me, fair maiden! I shall defend thee from this monster! 'Lo, I am in your innersanctum, Neal the minotaur. Look man, you need to get the hell out of my house before someone gets hurt. We shall battle tonight, Neal the minotaur. Now, I have my bag of dice with me, one 20 sided, two 10 sided, two 5 sided, and the dreaded 100 sided. Choose your weapon. I'm going to get the water hose.

Neal vs Ranger (4) by mmyers 10-09-03

Nice shot, hitting him with that frying pan like that. I'll call the cops. Boy, white people really are as goofy as the comedians say. Thanks for picking him up, officer. We really appreciate it. Yup. Fucking kids and their role playing games. I gotta role playing game for 'em, it's called an 8 year hitch in the ARMY. Role play that! Man, I'm glad that's over. Let's eat dinner. I was thinking about making...oh no! Neal, WATCH OUT!

Neal vs Ranger (5) by mmyers 10-09-03

Looks like he slipped on this 100 sided dice. I'm afraid he's dead. Neal, my poor, poor Neal. The actual word would be 'die', the plural would be 'dice'. What can I say, I'm an asshole about word tenses. Several days later at McDonalds... So then Neal the minotaur was vanquished and the demon knights released me with a warning. Excellent, my little pet. You receive 1000 experience points. Next we need to set our sites on the evil King of California. Mwa-ha-ha!

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Peeing sitting down is the gift you give yourself.

01. Super Mari03: Adventures In Hell by umfumdisi 10-09-03

Curses! You found my secret lair. But how? Oh, yes, I shouldn't have put in that pipe leading straight down here. So, you don't have anything to say for yourself? Fine, I'll go ahead and tell you that I have the Princess. Stoicism, eh? Well, your sniggly mortal powers are no match for mine. I'll go over here and diddle the Princess while you fight my henchmen.

02. Super Mari03: Adventures In Hell by umfumdisi 10-09-03

i might be small, but i'm quick, and i'll give you typhoid Bwoi-Woi-Woink! crap, it's Catsuit Mario; i'm done for Okay, that was a gimme. But you won't like the next guy.

03. Super Mari03: Adventures In Hell by umfumdisi 10-09-03

that's right I'm a fireball moving in one direction. you'll never make it past me or my buddies JUMP! JUMP!

04. Super Mari03: Adventures In Hell by umfumdisi 10-09-03

JUMP! whoosh... JUMP! He jumped right over me! I suck. You do realize that the Princess is, like, twice your size. She probably won't have anything to do with you even if you do manage to save her. NEXT!

05. Super Mari03: Adventures In Hell by umfumdisi 10-09-03

I'm Satan's right-metacarpus man. All I have to do is run into you and you're dead. JUMP! SQUISH! And all you had to do to kill me was jump on my head? That doesn't seem right. I like your style, Mario. If you can defeat this next opponent, then you and I will battle to the death.

[Click to view comic: '06. Super Mari03: Adventures In Hell']
[Click to view comic: '07. Super Mari03: Adventures In Hell']
[Click to view comic: '08. Super Mari03: Adventures In Hell']
[Click to view comic: '09. Super Mari03: Adventures In Hell']
[Click to view comic: '10. Super Mari03: Adventures In Hell']
[Click to view comic: '11. Super Mari03: Adventures In Hell']
[Click to view comic: '12. Super Mari03: Adventures In Hell']

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Chicken Feather Bed Bugs Bunny Hop Sing Out Side Street Walker Texas Ranger Cookie Dough Boy Wonder Years

Damn funny stuff, umfum. Hey, was cloud cuckoo land a Lightning Seeds reference are was that really what the place was called in the game?

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Peeing sitting down is the gift you give yourself.

Um, both! I always thought the Seeds got that from the video game. It is the name of one of the lands.

[hr]

As y'all can see, I have no trouble posting more than five comics at a time, but, then again, I don't have the "quote" link in forums. Weird.

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Chicken Feather Bed Bugs Bunny Hop Sing Out Side Street Walker Texas Ranger Cookie Dough Boy Wonder Years

Holly Vs Triceratops. (1) by jes_lawson 10-10-03

And in this section, you'll see our exhibitions of fossilised prehistoric creatures! Cool! This museum is way better than battling giant robots! Hey! Don't I recognise you from some place? The first rule about being a paeleontologist, is that you do NOT talk about being a paeleontologist.

Holly Vs. Triceratops (2) by jes_lawson 10-10-03

Holly! An urgent mission from Fight Club HQ! Awww! And I was just about to look up the Thesaurus and finally see the Doyathinkhesaurus! They want you to travel back in time to save mankind again! Time travel? Aw, but that stinks! All those dumb paradoxes and explaining to the world press why Belgium vanished! Well, you know what they say... I know, I know: "The first rule of Time Travel, is that you do not , never have, and never will talk about Time Travel."

Holly Vs. Triceratops (3) Jurassic Fark by jes_lawson 10-10-03

Good luck in the Triassic era, Holly! *zzzip* Duh...over here, Gabe... Hey! Did you take a whizz in the time chamber... 65 million years earlier... ...again? Who the hell are you? You must be Mankind's champion. Smaller than I expected, and stinking of stale urine, but no matter. Follow me!

Holly Vs. Triceratops (4): Jurassic Fark by jes_lawson 10-11-03

So...you lizard guys see much fighting when Time Travelling? Oh yeah! Last week, I personally fought three rounds with President Schwarzenegger on the Moon! You're the guy I gotta fight? Heh. Dat's right, little missy! And I gotta warn ya, I'm feeling sexy this epoch! You won't be able to resist me! You don't look all that hot to me... Baby doll, I'm so horny, I'm smokin'!

Holly Vs. Triceratops (5): Jurassic Fark by jes_lawson 10-11-03

Enough talk, let's fight! You won't know what hit you, toots... Deadly Shining Penguin² Mune-Tsuki™ "Ah see skies of blue! And clouds of white!" Heh heh heh! What the...

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Please replace the handset, and try again.

Holly Vs. Triceratops: Jurassic Fark (6) by jes_lawson 10-12-03

I don't know how you survived that attack, but you won't survive... Skiddely-be-ba-da-ba-do-ba-za-ba-da-ba-doo! ...a Shaolin Soccer Beckham-Ryu Corner Kick! YIE-AR! That...that was plain confusing! Heh heh heh!

Holly Vs. Triceratops (7): Jurassic Fark by jes_lawson 10-12-03

I'm sooo like, gonna Proto-Infinite (±n) Euro -Shiñ Kick Ãssault you!!...gagh! "And I thinks to mah-self..." *gasp* ½µ³ Scientific Daito-Ryu Panty Raider Kick! "Whadda Wonderfurl Worrrllld!" *Gasp* OK, I give up, you win! How the hell am I having no effect on you? Well, I oughta stamp on your pretty little self right now, but I guess I could explain...

Holly Vs. Triceratops (8): Jurassic Fark by jes_lawson 10-12-03

I...I tried everything I knew...It's like you're invunerable! Us Walkin' Lizards have learned to harvest Universal Energies and such. We're everywhere and nowhere at once, like! Wow! So what was with the Nat King Cole? Freeform Be-bop and crooner standards help centre da mind. Dat's ya foist lesson! Awesome! What's Lesson 2? Deflecting Extinction-Level Event asteroids and stuff? Woah, missy! Some things we just ain't never gonna need to know! Dat's playin with fire! Fire, I tells ya!

Holly Vs. Triceratops (Finale) by jes_lawson 10-12-03

65 million years and a few days later... Tyler! I lost the fight, but the Dinousars taught me the secrets of the physical Universe! Well whoop-de-freaking do! There's only one place for losers, Holly! And in this section, you'll see the pickled remains of Hollicus Loserus. Note the close fitting blouse and short primitive skirt it used to distract its opponents... Gee! It looks so lifelike, Mister Durden! Where did you... The first rule of being a paeleontologist is that you do NOT talk about being a paeleontologist!

Now I think about it: 1st panel, last strip, should have had Holly shouting for Gabe and being surprised to see Tyler. But anyway...

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Please replace the handset, and try again.

Jeez, it seems like only last year when I submitted Lenny vs. Death... and now I got two series way overdue? Oy! I'm on it.

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What others say about boorite!

Stripsurvivor 1 by boorite 10-17-03

One parachute left! If we're going to get off this plane alive, we have to work together. What you got in mind? Help me put on the parachute...? Fuuu-uuu-uuuuuck you!

Stripsurvivor 2 by boorite 10-17-03

We both want the parachute. We have to settle this somehow. How about a knife fight? How about SAT scores? 680 Math, 700 Verbal. How about a knife fight?

Stripsurvivor 3 by boorite 10-17-03

Before we commence our knife fight, we have to agree on rules... Yo, man, I saw Butch and Sundance, a'ight? Great movie, but I could have done without the Burt Bacharach. The point is, I am not gonna let you kick me in the balls. Look, a baby wolf! Saw that one, too.

Stripsurvivor 4 by boorite 10-17-03

Forget the knife fight. Let's face off in comedy improv. I imitate you, and you imitate me. Funniest man wins. Hold on a sec. I got to dress for the part. Oh, that's much better. Whitest gear I got on hand.

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What others say about boorite!

Stripsurvivor 5 by boorite 10-17-03

Here we go. I'm you, and you're me. Got it. Ready, set, go! Say hizzo ah beez bussin' mah foot all up in yo azz in da hizzo-fizzuckin' house! Greetings, I am a white man. Please disregard my awkward gait, as I am attempting to shell walnuts with my butt cheeks. I do not walk like that! "Hizzo-fizzuckin' house?"

Stripsurvivor 6 by boorite 10-17-03

Wait. How we gonna decide who's funnier? We let the people of America decide! To vote for Pimp, call 1-900-PIMP To vote for Jon, call 1-900-WIMP

Stripsurvivor 7 by boorite 10-17-03

The results are in! I got 34,417,967 votes. I got 34,417,942. Yay! I win the parachute! Hey, no hard feelings, right?

Stripsurvivor 8 by boorite 10-17-03

Wait a damn minute. What was the margin of error on that phone poll? Plus or minus 3 percent. Shee-it! I only lost by 25 votes out of 34 million! Which means it's statistically just as likely that I-- WELL THAT'S ALL THE TIME WE HAVE TODAY, FOLKS!