It gets bloody

Flame Warriors

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

NOOOOOOOOOOOO! *sob*

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I am not 16 going on not 17, I know that I'm naive.

I'd be grateful if you signed.

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I am not 16 going on not 17, I know that I'm naive.

Jessica Lynch rescue faked

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

Even if it wasn't fake...
[Click to view comic: '"Saving" Private Jessica Lynch']

Very good comics.

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Yes, I'm William Blake. Do you know my poetry?

NO!

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

Wow! This guy really likes Gary Busey.

And you thought this was just an expression...

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Please replace the handset, and try again.

New Honda commercial in the UK

quote:

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Very important that you understand: There are no computer graphics or digital tricks in the film. Everything you see really happened in real time exactly as you see it.

The film took 606 takes. On the first 605 takes, something, usually very minor, didn't work. They would then have to set the whole thing up again. The crew spent weeks shooting night and day. By the time it was over, they were ready to change professions. The film cost six million dollars (holy ----!) and took three months to complete including a full engineering the sequence. In addition, it's two minutes long so every time Honda airs the film on British television, they're shelling out enough dough to keep any one of us in clover for a lifetime. However, it is fast becoming the most downloaded advertisement in Internet history. Honda executives figure the ad will soon pay for itself simply in "free" viewings (Honda isn't paying a dime to have you watch this commercial!).

When the ad was pitched to senior executives, they signed off on it immediately without any hesitation -- including the costs.

There are six and only six hand-made Accords in the world. To the horror of Honda engineers, the filmmakers disassembled two of them to make the film. Everything you see in the film (aside from the walls, floor, ramp, and complete Honda Accord) are parts from those two cars.

The voiceover is Garrison Keillor.

When the ad was shown to Honda executives, they liked it and commented on how amazing computer graphics have gotten. They fell off their chairs when they found out it was for real.

Oh. And about those funky windshield wipers. On the new Accords, the windshield wipers have water sensors and are designed to start doing their thing automatically as soon as they become wet. It looks a bit weird in the commercial.

As amazing as this is, it's actually based o! n an ear lier film from the seventies called "How Things Move" by two Swiss self-destructing artifacts artists (say that ten times fast). In that film, a similar set-up with household objects goes on for thirty (thirty! three-zero!) minutes with air jets and fire and chemical reactions. You can get the video on amazon.com. Or not. Spend your twenty bucks on a latte at Starbucks.

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Probably seen before, but:

Star Trek TNG movie plotter

My results follow.

Star Trek:Titties

Written By:Boorite
The film opens with some really annoying credits that make the audience's eyes hurt.

After the credits, we see a squid raiding a school of shrimp. This confuses the audience to no end.

Next, we cut to the Enterprise. Throughout the movie, the ship interiors are filmed too dark to see things clearly.

Here, we see the TNG crew. They are catering a bar mitzvah. This scene is lame.

During this scene, Picard whines about incontinence.

The crew is then interrupted! As a result, the TNG crew must wipe out the asparagus people of Reemus Cluster. Thus, beginning their mission.

When they arrive at this mission, Data smokes an exploding cigar. This scene is embarrassing.

But suddenly, there is an action scene involving Honda scooters! This scene could have been very action-packed, but is very short, unfortunately.

Later on, Picard finds out that Ersatz intends to defend the asparagus people using scary weapons, and thus the plot of the film finally begins.

Soon, a member of the TNG crew talks to Big Head Todd and the Monsters, who is recognized by many TNG fans, though this person doesn't really help the plot.

Then, Ersatz, the film's obvious bad guy, is revealed. But Ersatz is not REALLY that bad, because is fond of asparagus.

The crew then learns that The Reemus Cluster is in grave danger! And they must come to the rescue!

A few minutes later, there is an embarrassing scene where Data sings 'I Wanna Fuck You in the Ass.' The audience groans.

And later, Worf is even more embarrassing because he gets fucked in the ass by Data. This ticks off many Klingon fans in the audience.

Later on, Troi, who had nothing else to do in the film, beats a lesbian at racquetball. Unfortunately it doesn't help the plot.

A little later, the crew goes AWOL and defects to the Klingon Empire. The audience doesn't laugh, however.

Picard and his Away Team beams to the cauldron of an active volcano. Which looks almost cinematic, but not quite.

Crusher and Geordi do absolutely nothing for the duration of the film.

Soon, the audience gets a feeling of Deja Vu. Because the crew goes to SeaWorld. This seems verrrry familiar...

Then, for no reason, someone in the film says 'Cunt me for a God-fucker!' Nerds in the audience think this is cool and edgy.

The crew discovers that Ersatz has a meat grinder attachment for a Cuisinart! This makes things very dangerous!

Then, one of the crewmembers says 'I've died and I can't get alive!' Even though this makes no sense.

In their attempts to stop Ersatz, the Enterprise does the Hokey Pokey. This looks really cool... but doesn't stop Ersatz.

Soon, Riker shoots at a homeless man. But this accomplishes absolutely nothing.

There is a final showdown in a nebula called Gladys Knight and the Pips. In a fit of rage, Ersatz attempts to activate his meat grinder attachment for a Cuisinart! Time is running out, so Picard beams over and attempts to stop him.

Eventually, Picard violently and mercilessly kills Ersatz by pushing him in front of a space-bus. Picard is almost killed in the process, but luckily Martha Stewart saves Picard at the last moment.

Later, Picard contemplates on what has happened. As a result of this mission, Picard has resolved his problems with incontinence. Picard then gives a boring speech about the importance of relief pitching.

The TNG crew then beams back to the Enterprise, which warps off into space.

The TNG theme plays on the soundtrack.

THE END

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What others say about boorite!

Star Trek:Anomaly

Written By:Ken Kaufman
The film opens with some really annoying credits that make the audience's eyes hurt.

After the credits, we see A dying guy saying, "Rosebud.". This confuses the audience to no end.

Next, we cut to the Enterprise. Throughout the movie, the ship interiors are filmed too dark to see things clearly.

Here, we see the TNG crew. They are playing the Biscuit Game. This scene is lame.

During this scene, Picard whines about his head's albedo.

The crew is then interrupted! As a result, the TNG crew must summon Cthulhu. Thus, beginning their mission.

When they arrive at this mission, Data starts generating gravitons by himself. This scene is embarrassing.

But suddenly, there is an action scene involving a food fight on the holodeck.! This scene could have been very action-packed, but is very short, unfortunately.

Later on, Picard finds out that Dubya wants to cut taxes for the rich., and thus the plot of the film finally begins.

Soon, a member of the TNG crew talks to Tribble # 1,569,214, who is recognized by many TNG fans, though this person doesn't really help the plot.

Then, Dubya, the film's obvious bad guy, is revealed. But Dubya is not REALLY that bad, because is too stupid to understand anything.

The crew then learns that Disney World is in grave danger! And they must come to the rescue!

A few minutes later, there is an embarrassing scene where Data sings 'In A Gadda Da Vida (the long version).' The audience groans.

And later, Worf is even more embarrassing because he was caught doing "I'm a Little Teapot". This ticks off many Klingon fans in the audience.

Later on, Troi, who had nothing else to do in the film, goes back in time to the first Enterprise and lets Porthos hump her leg. Unfortunately it doesn't help the plot.

A little later, Riker reads the collected comics of sub_m7. The audience doesn't laugh, however.

Picard and his Away Team beams to the slums of Detroit. Which looks almost cinematic, but not quite.

Crusher and Geordi do absolutely nothing for the duration of the film.

Soon, the audience gets a feeling of Deja Vu. Because a whale joins the crew. This seems verrrry familiar...

Then, for no reason, someone in the film says 'DATA WILL CORNHOLE YOU!!!' Nerds in the audience think this is cool and edgy.

The crew discovers that Dubya has a nasal passage cleaner! This makes things very dangerous!

Then, one of the crewmembers says 'moh!' Even though this makes no sense.

In their attempts to stop Dubya, Wesley is eaten by nanogerbils. This looks really cool... but doesn't stop Dubya.

Soon, Riker shoots at wirthling's head on a skeet range. But this accomplishes absolutely nothing.

There is a final showdown in a nebula called Fanta Shokata. In a fit of rage, Dubya attempts to activate his nasal passage cleaner! Time is running out, so Picard beams over and attempts to stop him.

Eventually, Picard violently and mercilessly kills Dubya by singing "I'm Henry VIII, I Am" over and over until he hangs himself. Picard is almost killed in the process, but luckily Jesus saves Picard at the last moment.

Later, Picard contemplates on what has happened. As a result of this mission, Picard has resolved his problems with his head's albedo. Picard then gives a boring speech about Amway.

The TNG crew then beams back to the Enterprise, which warps off into space.

The TNG theme plays on the soundtrack.

THE END

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Star Trek:Stripcreator

Written By:Big Evil Dan
The film opens with some really annoying credits that make the audience's eyes hurt.

After the credits, we see two asian girls floating in a white limbo. This confuses the audience to no end.

Next, we cut to the Enterprise. Throughout the movie, the ship interiors are filmed too dark to see things clearly.

Here, we see the TNG crew. They are throwing rocks into the Neutral Zone. This scene is lame.

During this scene, Picard whines about poor spelling.

The crew is then interrupted! As a result, the TNG crew must make comics on the internet. Thus, beginning their mission.

When they arrive at this mission, Data gets a circus dog. This scene is embarrassing.

But suddenly, there is an action scene involving a Segway chase! This scene could have been very action-packed, but is very short, unfortunately.

Later on, Picard finds out that that WWE wrestling is staged, and thus the plot of the film finally begins.

Soon, a member of the TNG crew talks to Seven of Nine's breasts, who is recognized by many TNG fans, though this person doesn't really help the plot.

Then, Tobor, the film's obvious bad guy, is revealed. But Tobor is not REALLY that bad, because is programmed to cornhole.

The crew then learns that Uranus is in grave danger! And they must come to the rescue!

A few minutes later, there is an embarrassing scene where Data sings 'I Like Big Butts.' The audience groans.

And later, Worf is even more embarrassing because he makes really lame comics. This ticks off many Klingon fans in the audience.

Later on, Troi, who had nothing else to do in the film, senses idiocy. Unfortunately it doesn't help the plot.

A little later, Data's dog humps Picard's leg. The audience doesn't laugh, however.

Picard and his Away Team beams to the outhouse. Which looks almost cinematic, but not quite.

Crusher and Geordi do absolutely nothing for the duration of the film.

Soon, the audience gets a feeling of Deja Vu. Because Picard finds God, only to discover it's Shatner's ego given physical form. This seems verrrry familiar...

Then, for no reason, someone in the film says 'SCROE!' Nerds in the audience think this is cool and edgy.

The crew discovers that Tobor has a giant robot penis! This makes things very dangerous!

Then, one of the crewmembers says 'Moh!' Even though this makes no sense.

In their attempts to stop Tobor, Riker explodes. This looks really cool... but doesn't stop Tobor.

Soon, Riker shoots at Troi. But this accomplishes absolutely nothing.

There is a final showdown in a nebula called background3. In a fit of rage, Tobor attempts to activate his giant robot penis! Time is running out, so Picard beams over and attempts to stop him.

Eventually, Picard violently and mercilessly kills Tobor by poking him in the eye like the Three Stooges. Picard is almost killed in the process, but luckily asiangirl1 saves Picard at the last moment.

Later, Picard contemplates on what has happened. As a result of this mission, Picard has resolved his problems with poor spelling. Picard then gives a boring speech about grammar.

The TNG crew then beams back to the Enterprise, which warps off into space.

The TNG theme plays on the soundtrack.

THE END

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"Oh, look, a joke! How original! Thank you, but if I wanted my emotions stimulated pleasurably, I'd get a whore." - Donald B. Jones III

Someplace for Spankling

I live way too close to that place.

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...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

These seem a lot alike... or is it just me.

Star Trek:Last Lunch

Written By:Spankling

The film opens with some really annoying credits that make the audience's eyes hurt.

After the credits, we see tame wolves licking a screaming ferangie. This confuses the audience to no end.

Next, we cut to the Enterprise. Throughout the movie, the ship interiors are filmed too dark to see things clearly.

Here, we see the TNG crew. They are fixing a 19th century toilet. This scene is lame.

During this scene, Picard whines about the lack of Viagra in Romulin space.

The crew is then interrupted! As a result, the TNG crew must sing backup for a new Elvis impersonator. Thus, beginning their mission.

When they arrive at this mission, Data kills the Disney Goofy. This scene is embarrassing.

But suddenly, there is an action scene involving underwater skateboards! This scene could have been very action-packed, but is very short, unfortunately.

Later on, Picard finds out that Data is the ultimate Borg, and thus the plot of the film finally begins.

Soon, a member of the TNG crew talks to Spock, who is recognized by many TNG fans, though this person doesn't really help the plot.

Then, Skeeter, the film's obvious bad guy, is revealed. But Skeeter is not REALLY that bad, because loves dead puppies.

The crew then learns that Free beer is in grave danger! And they must come to the rescue!

A few minutes later, there is an embarrassing scene where Data sings 'Mississippi Mud.' The audience groans.

And later, Worf is even more embarrassing because he is hung like a gerbal. This ticks off many Klingon fans in the audience.

Later on, Troi, who had nothing else to do in the film, sits on Crusher's face. Unfortunately it doesn't help the plot.

A little later, Troi does that Monroe skirt thing. The audience doesn't laugh, however.

Picard and his Away Team beams to the open sewer. Which looks almost cinematic, but not quite.

Crusher and Geordi do absolutely nothing for the duration of the film.

Soon, the audience gets a feeling of Deja Vu. Because Search For Spock. This seems verrrry familiar...

Then, for no reason, someone in the film says 'crank-hose!' Nerds in the audience think this is cool and edgy.

The crew discovers that Skeeter has a pooper scooper! This makes things very dangerous!

Then, one of the crewmembers says 'Suck this!' Even though this makes no sense.

In their attempts to stop Skeeter, Data interfaces with an iMac. This looks really cool... but doesn't stop Skeeter.

Soon, Riker shoots at Worf. But this accomplishes absolutely nothing.

There is a final showdown in a nebula called Ample Ass. In a fit of rage, Skeeter attempts to activate his pooper scooper! Time is running out, so Picard beams over and attempts to stop him.

Eventually, Picard violently and mercilessly kills Skeeter by small pox and ass rape. Picard is almost killed in the process, but luckily Evil Picard saves Picard at the last moment.

Later, Picard contemplates on what has happened. As a result of this mission, Picard has resolved his problems with the lack of Viagra in Romulin space. Picard then gives a boring speech about washing hands before you eat.

The TNG crew then beams back to the Enterprise, which warps off into space.

The TNG theme plays on the soundtrack.

THE END

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

Big Boy

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

http://www.asksnoop.com/ What?

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

Put me in coach. I'm ready to play. I feel the need to share something here about my day. I was biking around a popular park today when I spotted one of 7 or 8 softball competitions going on and decided to stop and watch.

This one featured women. Big ones. At least on the team wearing black and orange. Several had torn the sleeves off their t-shirts to show off biceps that rolled athletically as they swung two or three bats to warm up.

Then I noticed the catcher, number 69 (I swear). She stood almost 6 feet tall (around 1.8 meters). She was a bit more slender than her teammates with long firm legs and short black hair. Her tanned bicep sported a tattoo of barbed wire and roses. From her knees she fired the ball back to the pitcher to make it pop in the leather. I didn't get a chance to see her try to throw out a runner stealing a base. No one ever tried.

The best part was her uniform. Instead of wearing shorts like her teammates she chose to wear a short, pleated black skirt like they did in the film "A League of Their Own." Mind you, this was the catcher. From my outfield seat I could see the flash of white cotton every time she squatted down to take a pitch. Odd choice to wear white under that black skirt.

She was up to bat 3 times in the five innings I watched. She had two doubles and a triple. On the triple she slid in hard and knocked the defender over to keep from being out (the ball fell out of her glove). She scored every time. I shouted and whooped over the outfield fence every time she got a hit or scored. The other team’s center fielder flipped me off once. I guess I was supposed to be in the crowded bleachers they had to one side and just clap a little now and then.

Anyway, her team won easily. The other team had some scary big women too, but they couldn’t hit run and throw like the Girls in Black. I’ll never forget number 69 squatting behind the plate.

Now back to your regular scheduled bullshit.

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

This has GOT to find a way into my schedule!

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

"You keep using that word, I do not think it means what you think it means."

Fun Guy!

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

Pimple TV

For you Kaufman

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

Total babe. No arms. Who cares? Baby, you can drive my car.

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

Those cats are hilarious, just because in every one they look like they want to kill you.

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Poop.

Why.. Because I can.

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Star Trek:Inda Hood

Written By:Flease The Lemur
The film opens with some really annoying credits that make the audience's eyes hurt.

After the credits, we see pimp driving around in a pimp mobile. This confuses the audience to no end.

Next, we cut to the Enterprise. Throughout the movie, the ship interiors are filmed too dark to see things clearly.

Here, we see the TNG crew. They are having a massive hip-hop block party/drug indused orgy. This scene is lame.

During this scene, Picard whines about not having enough fat Js.

The crew is then interrupted! As a result, the TNG crew must the corner store for codoms, beer and Cheetos. Thus, beginning their mission.

When they arrive at this mission, Data is trying to talk in ebonics. This scene is embarrassing.

But suddenly, there is an action scene involving a gun fight on the coner of 5th and Oak! This scene could have been very action-packed, but is very short, unfortunately.

Later on, Picard finds out that that Douba G. Nasty is trying to take all his bizzniches, and thus the plot of the film finally begins.

Soon, a member of the TNG crew talks to Fifty Cent and Q, who is recognized by many TNG fans, though this person doesn't really help the plot.

Then, Douba G. Nasty, the film's obvious bad guy, is revealed. But Douba G. Nasty is not REALLY that bad, because shot Troi.

The crew then learns that The Ghetto is in grave danger! And they must come to the rescue!

A few minutes later, there is an embarrassing scene where Data sings 'Inda Club.' The audience groans.

And later, Worf is even more embarrassing because he still thinks there's a drug induced orgy going on. This ticks off many Klingon fans in the audience.

Later on, Troi, who had nothing else to do in the film, gets shot and dies. Unfortunately it doesn't help the plot.

A little later, 50 cent pimp slaps Geordie La Forge. The audience doesn't laugh, however.

Picard and his Away Team beams to the Ghetto. Which looks almost cinematic, but not quite.

Crusher and Geordi do absolutely nothing for the duration of the film.

Soon, the audience gets a feeling of Deja Vu. Because the all meet themselves in a different universe.. (Wait, that from the TV show.) . This seems verrrry familiar...

Then, for no reason, someone in the film says 'Cock nibblers!' Nerds in the audience think this is cool and edgy.

The crew discovers that Douba G. Nasty has a Super Tek 9! This makes things very dangerous!

Then, one of the crewmembers says 'Jesus Christ on a Pogo Stick!' Even though this makes no sense.

In their attempts to stop Douba G. Nasty, an El Camino explodes. This looks really cool... but doesn't stop Douba G. Nasty.

Soon, Riker shoots at himself. But this accomplishes absolutely nothing.

There is a final showdown in a nebula called The Strip Mall. In a fit of rage, Douba G. Nasty attempts to activate his Super Tek 9! Time is running out, so Picard beams over and attempts to stop him.

Eventually, Picard violently and mercilessly kills Douba G. Nasty by eating his eyes with a dull spoon. Picard is almost killed in the process, but luckily 50 Cent saves Picard at the last moment.

Later, Picard contemplates on what has happened. As a result of this mission, Picard has resolved his problems with not having enough fat Js. Picard then gives a boring speech about ghetto life.

The TNG crew then beams back to the Enterprise, which warps off into space.

The TNG theme plays on the soundtrack.

THE END

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Shame on Us for All We Have Done. May God Have Mercy on Our Dirty Little Hearts.