In response to il_schmucko's wonderful set, I offer this tribute:

Never ride It's A Small World maxed out on meth and PCP by kaufman 7-13-03

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

CLOSED! If your entry gets in within 5 minutes of this post, I'll count it.

running judge.exe...
judging
Results in 1-10 hours

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Sex Piano.

*bites lip*

Okay. First off, let me say this.

WHEW!

That was like an orgasm that wouldn't stop. Seriously, I laughed out loud at way more comics than I ever do. Which really sucks, because about five of you completely deserved to win this.

I really liked all the Shakespeare stuff, but it wasn't all that funny.

Here are the comics I laughed at. I realize there are a lot.

Bargaintuan: A letter from Satan, for Fans of "Memento."

Kaufman: Flushed with Embarassment - (note) I love thinking about how many people go through life, immediately realizing after an experience that it will make a great story.
Ask us about our vows of silence, Director's cut

CrunchyCheese: Deaf-Mute Pillow Talk, the evolution of invention

KungChiFu: The Stripcreator UN Series

Boinky33: Moses, An Evil Discussion, Trippingbillee tries to judge the contest (only because its true)

il_schmucko: Are you trying to seduce me, Mrs. Simpson?

not_scyess: Cromagnon Man Thaws just in time to discover land mines

boorite: Death of a Salesman, Great Tragedies Volume 4: Urban renewal

Choadwarrior: Differences of Opinion

dcomposed: Poo bag, Robot hiding games, rage against the machine.

mmyers: Filing Clerk VIP, the saga continues

umfumdisi: Detour France

Ok. Sorry if you didn't get mentioned. I either laughed or I didn't.

And now for the four finalists...

Moses by boinky33 6-26-03

Contest 196: Are you trying to seduce me, Mrs. Simpson? by il_schmucko 7-09-03

Differences of Opinion by choadwarrior 7-09-03

We at priestsforlife.org object to your schools bringing in Planned Parenthood to speak to high school health classes. Furthermore, you should be aware that you are exposing yourself to litigation. Our conduct is appropriate--parents are informed of the curriculum and the nature of guest presentations and given the opportunity to remove their kids from class without prejudicing their grades. You don't understand...we feel Planned Parenthood perpetuates child abuse by presenting abortion as an option and by not informing parents that their children are sexually active. Just like the Catholic Church perpetuates a never-ending cycle of abuse by concealing allegations of molestation by priests who it then transfers to other parishes where they can prey on new victims? No, that's different --we don't kill babies--and you fail to recognize that priests are important role models for youth who are looking for emotional guidance in their adolescence. Ooooh...Now I get it! You're afraid if all the unwanted babies aren't born, your supply of vulnerable children looking for love and acceptance from an adult, no matter how creepy, will disappear.

Director's Cut by kaufman 7-10-03

A simple beginning, yes. I chose the Asian girls as they represent the majority of humanity -- the most populous continent, the most populous gender, etc. Over 450,000 times I have been paraded out to sit in the left half of a comic panel. And half the time, I'm not even used. Boy, my feet hurt. No wonder, one is three sizes longer than the other. To think I could have had the role of "Cathy." But instead, I took on this one. What a mistake. Every day, I wind up offering blowjobs to total strangers. Let me tell you, I'm fed up with this! The bland white background begs for color. In act II, I give them personality, something that will be gripping and leave you saying, "I want to know them better." My name is Mai Lin. I grew up in a family of six in a small town. I have harvested rice since age 5, even though sometimes the monsoon floodwaters would reach up to my eyes. Hence the algae on me. Absolutely no oral sex, I tell you. I'm through. Do I need to spell it out? N O. M O R E. B L O W J O B S. And I'm not eating that slimy biscuit either. I much prefer lo mein. Or even dog meat. And now for the Kaufman touch. John Landis had his "See You Next Wednesday." My calling card is a bit different. See how many China puns you can find in this panel. Want Tibet that I've been Shanghaied into making this comic? It's Mao ore never, I was told, which Confucius me because the Hong Kong of the horn of the car behind me was Peking just then. Help, I'm being twisted to the author's will! Let me spell it out. Ess you see kay why. Ess you see kay why. Eff eye vee eee. Dee oh ell ell eh aitch! Oh, the humiliation. Oh, the humanity!

AND THE WINNER IS.....

Boinky33, for "Moses."! While there were many brilliantly funny strips in this CC, this one made me laugh the hardest. I think it was the choice of Russ for Moses.

Thank you everyone for participating like crazy. Now I just feel really bad that so many great strips didn't win.

Anyways... take it away, boinky.

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Sex Piano.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhh..........?

wait....

wait....

wait....

I won?....

I WON!!!!!!!!

*ejaculates*

*humps trippingbillie's leg*

new contest up soon!!!!!!

Obviously not an entry... *sigh*

The Grateful Dead by flickguy 7-14-03

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

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This is not my empire.

That would have made the finals.

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Sex Piano.

well, here's one that wouldn't have been rules-compliant, but it was inspired by this contest (and particularly by the mini-contest):

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"I don't know who you are, schmucko, but you rule." - lara7 | christ@myself.com