time to pull out your thumb now, Kajun

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Chicken Feather Bed Bugs Bunny Hop Sing Out Side Street Walker Texas Ranger Cookie Dough Boy Wonder Years

The Battle Royal is behind schedule.

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This is my signature.

Of Wishes And Fishes by BigEvilDan 11-04-03

Yes, I caught a fish! At last my men can eat. I'm not just any fish, I'm a magic fish. Let me go and I'll grant you a wish. Very well. I wish this war would end so we could all go home. Yeah, I'll get right on that. ...so then he just lets me leave! Ha, what a moron!

Although I blame him for the writer's block that delayed this entry for so long, redfish wins.

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"Oh, look, a joke! How original! Thank you, but if I wanted my emotions stimulated pleasurably, I'd get a whore." - Donald B. Jones III

*blue vs csa coming soon*

Jimmy and the Time Machine (1 of 9) by TheGovernor 11-13-03

Hello Professor Blatherskite Ive got terrible news Jimmy! My apprentice, Eric Von Cataract, turned out to be an evil genius, he's used my latest invention, a "Time Machine", to go back in history and change the past! But professor, nothing seems to have changed.. Fortunately Jimmy I took the precaution of installing a "Time Effect Stopper Thingy" onto the lab. On the outside world things are changing, for example the new Star Wars Prequels no longer exist So nothing of value has been lost then?

Jimmy and the Time Machine (2 of 9) by TheGovernor 11-13-03

Jimmy I'm going to need you to go back in time and stop Von Cataract and put right the timeline, hurry, my instruments tell me that Arnold Schwarzenegger is now Governor of California.. Erm Professor that actually happened No, surely this must be a distortion in time caused by an evil mad-man Nope, all down to the celebrity obsessed gullibility of the voters, and the Republican Party Well I was right that evil was involved anyway

Jimmy and the Time Machine (3 of 9) by TheGovernor 11-13-03

Ok Jimmy, you suit up, and I'll calibrate the time circuits, I’ve tracked Von Cataract to the second half of the nineteenth century, in the middle of the American Civil War Ok Professor Right, now when I press this button you should be transported back in time, here goes *click* Oops sorry Jimmy, wrong button *sigh*

Jimmy and the Time Machine (4 of 9) by TheGovernor 11-13-03

Ah here's the right button *click* Good luck Jimmy.. Thanks Professor.. 1862. Texas. Wow it worked, either that or I'm on the set of Rawhide

Jimmy and the Time Machine (5 of 9) by TheGovernor 11-13-03

Hello, Mr Cowboy Sir, Im from the future, I need your help Maan, I knew I shoulda never smoked that injun waccy tobaccy, how did you get here? Well the professor started the rotor turbines on his time machine and I re-appeared right here. Rotor Turbines? Time Machine? Look sonny I dont quite get the science of this here fiction, but I'll help ya anyways.. Thank you, I'm looking for a man called Eric Von Cataract.. Suure I heard of him, he's got a fort just over them there hills you can't miss it. Now im gonna go lie down, I must be havin one of those injun vision quests.

Jimmy and the Time Machine (6 of 9) by TheGovernor 11-13-03

Man, it's good to be out of that time suit. It's too hot, I'll pick it up later on my way back... Shit the North are attacking!! Shoot, its only a kid. Hey sonny dont you know its dangerous to wear blue around these parts, thats the uniform of the Union, What you doing round here anyway? I'm here to see Von Cataract Ahh, you must be Jimmy, he said you'd be coming, I've got orders to take you in

Jimmy and the Time Machine (7 of 9) by TheGovernor 11-13-03

Ahh, young Jimmy, I thought the crazy Professor would send you. You know Ive never understood why Mad Scientists with time machines always have young boys as friends, seems a bit strange really.. Von Cataract! What evil scheme are you up to this time? Quite simple really, using my 21st century tactics, and laser guns I intend to win the Civil War for the South! And why do you want to do that? Because if the South win, in the future The Dukes of Hazzard is still on TV Well I guess that makes sense

Jimmy and the Time Machine (8 of 9) by TheGovernor 11-13-03

But Von Cataract don't you remember the Professor's warning about using time travel to fix the television scheduling... Beware the use of time travel to fix the television scheduling, it's too risky. Think Cause and Effect. Make one small error and you could end up extending the Cosby Show by five seasons You're right Jimmy, we can't risk it, not even for the Dukes of Hazzard. I'll return the past to how it should be and we'll go back to the future Shame though Von Cataract, that was nice work on the deletion of the new Star Wars movies. If it weren't too risky Id opt for the Matrix sequels aswell.

Jimmy and the Time Machine (9 of 9) by TheGovernor 11-13-03

Present Day. Laboratory. Good work Jimmy Everythings back to normal, you saved the future of television So whats on the TV tonight? Pop Idol, and a celebrity Survivor, followed by four hours of reality cop shows, and repeats of last series Who wants to be a Millionaire Ack! I'll continue the research

For the purposes of the Battle Royal, Blue wins.

Just to keep things moving, those who have finished their Round 1 duties can have their first Round 2 assignments. Those are in red. Round 1 matches still in basic black.

[list][*]attitudechicka: Dexx (forumusers) vs. Cthulhu (dexx)
[*]Big Evil Dan: Spigot (jerkcity) vs. Kaufman (forumusers)
[*]boinky33: Cow (kaddar) vs. Fuzzy (forumusers)
[*]boorite: Elephant (dexx) vs. Lara7 (forumusers)
-and- Attitudechicka (forumusers) vs. Maura (dieselsweeties)
[*]crabby: Gabe (kofightclub/pennyarcade) vs. Rocker (submitted)
[*]Drexle: Deer (holiday) vs. Killersquirrel (kofightclub)
-and- Clango (dieselsweeties) vs. Phil (goats)
[*]evil_d: Feetforears (threereasons) vs. Jael (forumusers)
[*]fuzzyman: Bobby (submitted) vs. Penguin (kofightclub)
[*]habnem: Monkey (kaddar) vs. Snowman (holiday)
[*]itsclark: Diablo (goats) vs. Mrstinkybutt (submitted)
[*]jes_lawson: Helmut (wigu) vs. Skeleton (dexx)
[*]KajunFirefly: Brunette (kaddar) vs. stickman (explodingdog)
[*]kramer_vs_kramer: Deuce (jerkcity) vs. Evil (kaddar)
[*]mmyers: Bigevildan (forumusers) vs. Reaper (dexx)
[*]TheGovernor: Littlegirl (threereasons) vs. Sickobunny (dexx)
[*]umfumdisi: Russ (kofightclub) vs. Brad (forumusers)
[/list]

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Cow (kaddar) vs. Fuzzy (forumusers) by boinky33 11-14-03

errr.... That answers the question: Can you blow up a man just by looking at him hard?

I suppose that's what I get for killing off the bull simply because it was a Kaddar character.

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...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

Sorry for making you wait so long. Doubly sorry for making you wait so long for this comic. But, what can I say... it amused me and I didn't have any other ideas.

SCBR, Round 1: Feetforears vs. Jael by evil_d 11-16-03

wehn a man loves a women, HE NALE'S THE FUCKIN BITCH! Ooh, sounds exciting, honey. Okay, let's go! Later:

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The what mentioned above is total fiction. Please don't take it seriously!

Man, if I'm slacking off, then you people are definitely slacking off. Get off your asses, slackers!

SCBR, Round 2: NeoVid vs. Scientist (1/2) by evil_d 12-04-03

Alright, doc, put your hands up and don't move! This is a robbery! I'm here for your high-tech inventions! You may have the advantage now, scoundrel, but not for long! With this time machine, I'll travel into the future and come back with a weapon against which you'll be powerless!

SCBR, Round 2: NeoVid vs. Scientist (2/2) by evil_d 12-04-03

...what, that's it? He just disappeared? That's the beauty of time travel. Any of an infinite number of reasons could have prevented him from coming back. And I don't have to explain what happened. You mean you'll never know what happened. Yeah, that's what I mean. So what did you get from the old man? A robotic combat suit? A solar-powered hovercar? An inflatable camera? Anatomically correct female androids, man.

My apologies to my colleages; I'm sure Scientist would have been much easier to write strips for than NeoVid, but my muse doesn't give me a lot of options.

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The what mentioned above is total fiction. Please don't take it seriously!

I wrote this strip and never posted it.

Big Evil Dan vs. The Reaper by mmyers 11-19-03

Big Evil Dan, I am here to end your existance and claim your soul. I'm too young... waitaminute, you don't scare me. Seasons don't fear the reaper, nor do the wind or the sun or the rain, I can be like they are... Please stop. Come on baby, don't fear the reaper, take my hand, we'll be able to fly, don't fear the reaper...guitar solo! Nerr-nerr-nerr... Great, now I've got that song stuck in my head again.

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Peeing sitting down is the gift you give yourself.

i don't have any real excuses, so i'll lie and say we took a six-week honeymoon. boy, am i tired of shagging.

Monkey vs. Snowman 1 by habnem 12-10-03

Oh, the weather outside is frightful... but the fire is so delightful... and since we've no place to go... What--are you trying to curry my favor? Actually, I'm trying to lull you into overconfidence. Overconfidence? I'm not planning to win this fight; I don't even have arms! Good point.

Monkey vs. Snowman 2 by habnem 12-10-03

Guess I'll dispense with you now. All righty, but first I have a fun trivia fact for you. Trivia? I love trivia!!! Did you know Santa's reindeer are carnivorous? I thought they ate fairy dust... Aww, fuck it. I'll just die now.

advantage, snowman.

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- christ@myself.com - fuck a cat, kill yourself - my alter ego has five stars

Helmut Versus Skeleton - 1 by jes_lawson 12-29-03

Good evening, and welcome to Third Eye, our in-depth look at the stories behind the scenes, behind the stories. This week, a shocking insight into the world of organised potato growing. Each week, millions of potatoes are being grown on so called "farms", right under the noses of the authorities!

Helmut Versus Skeleton - 2 by jes_lawson 12-29-03

LIVE I'm here with Helmut Letchmann, a so-called "potato farmer", at a remote location in Idaho. Good morning! LIVE Mr. Letchmann, is it true you are knowingly and willfully growing and selling potatoes for mass consumption at a profit? Well sir, not in so many words, but... "...and in yon warehouse over there's where we store them before they're shipped around the country." My God! It's endemic!

Helmut Versus Skeleton - 3 by jes_lawson 12-29-03

What a weird day that was! They were treating me like I was some sort of drug lord! Well, I just grow potatoes and ain't never done nothing else, not never, no sir! Ain't no skeletons in my...crud! Moh!

Helmut Versus Skeleton - 4 by jes_lawson 12-29-03

Wh-who are you? I'm all your dark secrets that you thought would never escape. Oh no! Like the time I dressed as a woman so I could spy on Fran Dreschler in the ladies room? Exactly! And the time I put sarin in the town water supply so's I could get the job on the potato farm without any competition? Uhh...sure! Let me just...get my notebook, for no particular reason...

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Please replace the handset, and try again.

Helmut Versus Skeleton - 5 by jes_lawson 12-29-03

Wait a minute...I know what you're here to do! You're going to kill me! Uhh... And I know how it'll happen too! There'll be a big explosion, and lots of burning buildings, and you'll be left saying...

Helmut Versus Skeleton - 7 by jes_lawson 12-29-03

AGH! So this is how it ends! Blown up by all my dirty secrets come back to haunt me! Actually, I'm one of three spirits sent here to make you change your ways But, seeing as you've left the gas on and blown yourself up, it seems kind of pointless now. Moh...

Helmut Versus Skeleton - Epilogue by jes_lawson 12-29-03

...and then the gas exploded and it blew him to Kingdome Come! That's the third time this month! What is it with you and explosions? I dunno. I just seem to have that sort of effect. Maybe I should be the last spirit to visit our victims? Well, the Spirit of Christmas Future and I quite like the way we don't have to do any work when you've finished, so, no.

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Please replace the handset, and try again.

Yet Another Spinoff by fuzzyman 12-29-03

This Week on "Law and Order: Criminal Celebrity Squad," Detective Penguin goes undercover as an erotic professional... For the "Whip the Bobby" roleplay it will be $50 a lash, payable in advance. Tee hee! Wait a second... You look familiar. That white face... the wide smile... the missing nose... Michael Jackson, you are under arrest!

Penguin wins.

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...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

Things you'll never ever win at: Number 17 by TheGovernor 12-29-03

A staring contest against a little girl *Blink* Damn!

So like, there's no way this was worth the wait, but here's the first of them:

Killer Squirrel vs Deer 01 by Drexle 12-29-03

Oh my god! It's been so long, my dear! How have you been? Is that you chucky? Wow, you haven't changed a bit! Still wearing the same diaper you were in 2001! I get so many comments on it that I just coudln't bring myself to take it off, you know? Well you could change it and put on another one... but forget the diaper, it's so good to see you again!!! I know, we have so many old times to catch up on! Hey, do you remember that time...

Killer Squirrel vs Deer 02 by Drexle 12-29-03

Back in the year 2001... Hey buddy, check it out! Look at that fine piece of ass over there! Oooh, where?! I want me a piece!

Killer Squirrel vs Deer 03 by Drexle 12-29-03

Wait, where are you going? SPLAT! !!! Sigh... AAAAAHHH!!! Got a piece!

Killer Squirrel vs Deer 04 by Drexle 12-29-03

You can't keep doing this, Chucky. What? I left you the mouth, man. Look, if you don't want it, I'll go back and get that too! SPLAT! Chucky, that's not what I...

Killer Squirrel vs Deer 05 by Drexle 12-29-03

Aaaaaahahahahaha!!! Hahahahaha! BWAAAA-hahahahahha! Aaaahahaha hahahaha!!! You know, I don't think I remember that night. Well you were hitting the acorn rum pretty hard and heavy...