Since we're moving to a new page, here's the full list of assignments determined to this point, including the entire first half of Round 2. Round 1 matches are in black, Round 2 in red.

[list][*]attitudechicka: up to date
[*]Big Evil Dan: Spigot (jerkcity) vs. Kaufman (forumusers)
[*]boinky33: up to date
[*]boorite: Elephant (dexx) vs. Lara7 (forumusers)
-and- Attitudechicka (forumusers) vs. Maura (dieselsweeties)
-and- Alien 1/2 (kaddar) vs. Clown (threereasons)
[*]crabby: Hooker (wigu) vs. Descolada (forumusers)
[*]Drexle: Clango (dieselsweeties) vs. Phil (goats)
-and- Kajun (forumusers) vs. Zoe (wigu)
[*]evil_d: up to date
[*]fuzzyman: up to date
[*]habnem: up to date
[*]itsclark: Diablo (goats) vs. Mrstinkybutt (submitted)
-and- Crabby (forumusers) vs. Boozer (wigu)
[*]jes_lawson: up to date
[*]KajunFirefly: Brunette (kaddar) vs. stickman (explodingdog)
-and- Elf (holiday) vs. Tyler (kofightclub)
[*]kramer_vs_kramer: Horse (submitted) vs. Trex (submitted)
[*]mmyers: up to date
[*]TheGovernor: Cat (kaddar) vs. Jon (goats)
[*]umfumdisi: Russ (kofightclub) vs. Brad (forumusers)
[/list]

Full brackets visible here.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

SCBR Round 2: Russ v Brad 1 by umfumdisi 1-05-04

Welcome to Virtual Battle Arena, LLC. I'll be your butt-whipper today. We offer a wide variety of virtual worlds in which to kick ass. Hmmm, the quiet type. Perhaps you would like to fight under the laws of LUNAR PHYSICS!

SCBR Round 2: Russ v Brad 2 by umfumdisi 1-05-04

Ho-Ha! Poor choice my friend! I am well-trained in Lunar Loggerheads. Still no answer or action, eh? Well, let's try...THE CENTRE OF THE EARTH!! Alright, you're starting to piss me off. You paid your $19.95, bud. Either kick my ass or quit wasting my time.

SCBR Round 2: Russ v Brad 3 by umfumdisi 1-05-04

I'm sorry. I'd love to fight you, but there's one problem... What's that? I'm Canadian. Poor kid, you don't even know HOW to fight! I knew I should have spent my $20 on hockey tickets. Slow down, partner. I'll put us in the Canadian wilderness. Maybe that will inspire you somehow.

SCBR Round 2: Russ v Brad 4 by umfumdisi 1-05-04

Wow, I do feel a BIT more confident. Great, now I'll just insult your heritage until you take a swing at me. Well good luck finding anyting wrong with Canada... Maple Leafs SUCK. Devils rule hockey! Hey that's kinda out of line, there. Hey, I have two US quarters in my pocket, I think I'll buy Saskatoon!

SCBR Round 2: Russ v Brad 5 by umfumdisi 1-05-04

The exchange rate isn't THAT bad, eh. Your mother was an igloo and your father smelled of Quebecois! That hardly makes sense. Moulson is piss on tap! If you don't stop, I might get upset. Blue Rodeo couldn't carry a tune in a toque.

[Click to view comic: 'SCBR Round 2: Russ v Brad 6']

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Chicken Feather Bed Bugs Bunny Hop Sing Out Side Street Walker Texas Ranger Cookie Dough Boy Wonder Years

Late? I don't know what you're talking about.

Kaufman vs. Kaufman by BigEvilDan 1-08-04

Nice costume. Are you here for the Kaufman Impersonator's convention too? Yes. I see you're dressed as *snicker* Stripcreator Era Kaufman. Hey! That's when he was still funny. After Stripcreator, he just strung together random words and called it art. Yes, but he was rich and had regular sex with his hot wife Yoko. Yoko was his cat! Really? I should do some research before coming to these things.

Klassic Kaufman wins.

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"Oh, look, a joke! How original! Thank you, but if I wanted my emotions stimulated pleasurably, I'd get a whore." - Donald B. Jones III

Phil vs Clango 01 by Drexle 1-09-04

Hmmm.... If I just move the Rook here, there's no escape for him. Bzzzt! Moving King Knight to E4. Checkmate!

Phil vs Clango 02 by Drexle 1-09-04

Okay, that was a good match. Let's have another. Bzzzt! Affirmative!

Phil vs Clango 03 by Drexle 1-09-04

Fifty games later... ... Bzzt! Checkmate! Victory achieved in three moves. That makes fifty consecutive wins. A new record!

Phil vs Clango 04 by Drexle 1-09-04

Bzzzt! What are you doing? Oh, just giving your chess circuitry an upgrade.

Phil vs Clango 05 by Drexle 1-09-04

Bzzzt! What kind of upgrade? Oh, well I'm replacing your processor chip. I'm giving you a new Frito-Lay VI, with extra sour cream and vinegar.

Phil vs Clango 06 by Drexle 1-09-04

Five minutes later... *Choke... sob...* Bzzt! Checkmate! Victory in two moves!

Phil just can't win, so I guess that means Clango does instead.

I don't suppose anyone who isn't currently involved in the Battle would like to take over my entry for this round? I'm having one of my regular Writer's Block escapades.

quote:

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I don't suppose anyone who isn't currently involved in the Battle would like to take over my entry for this round? I'm having one of my regular Writer's Block escapades.

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Ok, we have a Special Guest Kramer. Have fun!

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Just call me Mr. Koffee. Because everyone knows that Koffee and Kramer go together! *rimshot*

I actually put some continuity to the battle. Dunno why, maybe to make things last longer. Transformers references abound...

SCBR Round 2: Horse vs. TRex 1 by Xuanwu 1-19-04

Feels good... I concur. Meanwhile... What you want? Only you can save SC...

SCBR Round 2 - Horse vs. TRex 2 by Xuanwu 1-19-04

Go away. Me no have time for you. But we need you to destroy one of the new defaults! You're our only hope, Trex. Me am no Trex. Me have new name now! I'm afraid to ask. What is it? Me Grimlock! The geek factor for this battle just went off the scale...

SCBR Round 2: Horse vs. TRex 3 by Xuanwu 1-19-04

Why should me, Grimlock, help you? If you don't, the new defaults will cause a spontaneuous existence failure in SC and wipe out all comics in existence. Me, Grimlock, no care what happen to silly comics. Um... Then because Horse said you were full of "Beryllium Balogne"? Grr! Me, Grimlock, kick butt! Quoting the movie. I feel so dirty.

SCBR Round 2: Horse vs. TRex 4 by Xuanwu 1-19-04

The battle begins! Hey, TRex! Grr! Me not Trex anymore! Me Grimlock! Awe, that's a shame. You're old name was more popular with young people! Why that? Silly Grimlock, TRex is for kids! Why Horse hurt my head?

SCBR Round 2: Horse vs. TRex 5 by Xuanwu 1-19-04

Why you here - er, why are you here? Stupid Horse make fun of Grimlock! Me, Grimlock, kick Horse's butt! What are you going to do? Pour that cup of coffee on me? This not cup of coffee! This cup of WHUP @$$! Are you the love child of the Incredible Hulk and Steve Austin or something? Me Grimlock not love child! Me, Grimlock, king!

Stay tuned for the conclusion...

The end:

SCBR Round 2: Horse vs. TRex 6 by Xuanwu 1-19-04

All right, so you're here to kill me. Yes! Me, Grimlock, kill stupid Horse! One problem: you see what's in my hand? It's a shiny quarter. It's the sum total of all my assets. Ha! What can quarter do against me, Grimlock? Me, Grimlock, laugh at Horse's "assets!" Ha ha ha! COIN TOSS! Augh!

That last bit is an FF9 reference. Dunno if anyone will get it. I was originally thinking of having TRex/Grimlock win, but the "coin toss" thing was too good to pass up.

SC Battle Royale: Brunette vs Stickman by KajunFirefly 1-25-04

Oh man, this is going to be so easy. How do you mean? Well, you're the most suicidal guy on this website, by the next panel you'll have stuck a nail in your head and I'll be victorious. Dammit, is there any way to stop it? No, wait, what's happened? Dunno, here's a note, says you've got cancer.

SC Battle Royale: Elf Vs Tyler by KajunFirefly 1-25-04

Instead of fighting to the death, why don't we call a truce? Here, I bought you this present. I really don't think that's how we're supposed to do things, either one of us dies, or we both do. No no, that'll never do, I have Christmas spirit all year round, here, take this present. Well, I didn't really get you anything, I mean, I didn't know... You probably should have set that timer a little longer.

God, it's been so long since I posted anything in a comic tag.

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Dad was flammable

This just in: Since I've been unable to raise a reply yea or nay from boorite, ivytheplant is taking over for him.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

SCBR Round 1: Elephant vs Lara by ivytheplant 2-01-04

Heh heh... Atomic Wedgie! Boo-yeah!

SCBR Round 1: Attitudechicka vs Maura by ivytheplant 2-01-04

Okay you pixellated primadonna! Prepare to be pounded! Allitery will get you knowhere, bitch! Poor punundation on your part won't parry me! Cease this wretched dialogue! Perhaps your proficiency was only preposterous pipe phantasy. ARGH!!

SCBR Round 2: Alien 1/2 vs Clown by ivytheplant 2-01-04

As a citizen of Ivytopia, I demand that you cease and desist all clowning and clown-related activities. Awww...you made Bungo a saaaad clown! You leave me no choice but to destroy you. *Sith Lord windpipe crush* Choke! *dies* It was for the good of humanity and the Ivytopian Empire. Let this be a warning to all clowns. Your kind are not conducive to the advancement of humanity.

Will have the Jon v Kaddar Cat thing done quite soon, appols for the delay.

Wow, it's only been two weeks, since I promised this one, it may be August again before we get this thing resolved. Anyway here it is.

How Jon cut the weekly food bill... by TheGovernor 2-13-04

Hmm Jon's been shopping again, I guess its time for my pre-dinner Lasagne topped off with a few burgers and a mountain of chips, before the second lasagne, then maybe I'll kick Odie off the table... Thanks, I should have thought of that a long time ago. No problem, but I'd advise you steer clear of the Chow Mein at Mr Wongs Chinese Restaurant for the next couple of weeks.

With a loving nod to Mr Davis.

Oh, thank you.

MikeyG will be stepping in for the absent itsclark. This should propel us completely out of Round 1, and I'll be subsequently posting the remainder of Round 2.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Oops! I'll see if I can bribe a mod to kill that post. Here's the real twosome of Diablo vs. MrStinkybutt:

Diablo vs. Mr. Stinkybutt 1 by MikeyG 2-23-04

Hey, Mr. Stinkybutt. Hey, Diablo. Say, I saw you coming out of that old water park over there. I've got a proposition for you. I'm listening... If you lick the area between my balls and my ass, I'll take you to that brand-new waterpark back this way, I'll pay. Why would a chicken toss a choad? To get to the other slide.

Diablo vs. Mr. Stinkybutt 2 - Finale by MikeyG 2-23-04

I think I'm going to have to decline your offer to tonguewash your grundle, stinky. Well, you've insulted my integrity by refusing to slobber my schwanz. Prepare to duel. Fine. I'll mastermind your demise like Liddy masterminded Watergate. Well, let me tell you something... Chicken, Gordon blew.

Winner is MrStinkybutt!

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

Round Two!

Crabby vs Boozer by MikeyG 2-23-04

Boozer, I have come for the ancient, sacred bottle of Goofy Juice. Aha. I knew this day drew nigh. How nigh I knew this day was nigh I did not know. Prepare to meet the wrath of my glasses. Now I know you, demon. Thou art Crabby, Eternal Holder of the Glasses Cosmic. Thou art truly not how mine own imagination had rendered thee. Look, I had the flu really bad for a couple of weeks, okay? I just have to eat more protein. Does that have anything to do with why you're stabbing that baby in the middle of its forehead with the bottle?

Crabby vs. Boozer 2 by MikeyG 2-23-04

It appears to be a baby to the naked eye, but it is actually an elaborate guise for my nipple catheter! Why the hell do you have a nipple catheter? Because my powers, like yours, are tied to the intake of sacred booze. And you have found a way to perpetually pump it into your bloodstream! Yes! Are you not impressed with my sheer genius? Not really, buddy. If you think about it, a beer helmet serves essentially the same purpose and only looks half as retarded.

Crabby vs Boozer 3 by MikeyG 2-23-04

I have been anticipating this moment for many years. Due to that fact, my right arm appears to be frozen in place. While I imbibe from the sacred bottle of Goofy Juice, you appear to draw power from a bottle of Silly Sauce. A fight to the death is called for, then. En guarde! Winner takes the other's Happy Water. If you lose, I'm draining the Happy Water on your face.

Crabby vs Boozer 4 - Finale by MikeyG 2-23-04

We must duel honorably, for the code of the Sot-erai demands it. Ok. Let's do this thang! POW! SMACK! Dude, that sucked. Totally. Well, I think I lodged my bottle of Silly Sauce in your ass somehow. I guess you win. I never would have known until you told me, either. Go figure.