I don't have my own son to give bad advice to, so I make comic strips.

Saturdays in the park with my stepson by mmyers 7-22-03

We don't talk enough, Scot. What would you like to talk about? I'd like to know more about you, Mike. Got any advice for a kid turning 15 next week? Advice? Let's see. Ok, when you're going out drinking, take a sinus pill before you go to sleep and you won't have a hangover. Doesn't it seem kind of pathetic to have a plan set out for not getting a hangover? Sure, but eventually you get sick of hanging your head over the toilet and saying you won't drink again. Eventually, you admit you are and you try to find ways around it. Getting older is sad.

Saturdays in the park with my stepson (2) by mmyers 7-22-03

You got any other advice for me, Mike? Well, I'm not advocating drug use in any way, but when I was a kid, they used to try and scare us with talk about 'acid flashbacks'. Right, the LSD detaching from your spine and causing short acid trips. Sure. Well that's all bullshit, man. In fact, I wish I'd have flashbacks because it's be a shitload cheaper than buying more acid. Seems weird that they'd say something like that, you know, without any kind of foundation. Hey man, they look it like "fear, not information", you know? Hey, let's take a short cut through this blackhole, dig?

Saturdays in the park with my stepson (3) by mmyers 7-23-03

Another thing, Scot, and I'm not endorsing cheating on your spouse, by any means, but one day, you might accidently cheat on your spouse or loved one. Now when this happens, you might come home smelling like sex and you won't be able to take a shower. Now the best way to cover is fill up your tank with gas, And as you're filling it, spill some on yourself. The smell will be so strong that it will cover up any residual after sex smell. You know that you're marrying my mom, right?

Saturdays in the park with my stepson (4) by mmyers 8-26-03

I'll give ya another good piece of advice, Scot, always do your grocery shopping during the daytime, particularly on weekdays. That seems to make sense. Because the crowds are less and they are more apt to have sales on slower days, right? Well that and that during the daytime is when strippers do all of their grocery shopping, probably because they work late nights. Now most of the time, I see them in the dairy aisles... We should probably be heading home.

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Peeing sitting down is the gift you give yourself.

Sundays in the park with my stepson (5) by mmyers 9-03-03

When I was your age, Scot, little girls looked like little girls. Women didn't start getting boobs until they were 17 or 18, and sometimes not at all. And older women looked old, too. Now with surgery and stuff, older chicks look like they're in their 30s. Teenage chicks looking older, older chicks looking young... I tell you, man, it's a great time to be alive.

Sunday's in the park with my stepson (6) by mmyers 9-27-03

I just found a shirt from a stripclub in the laundry! Did you go to a stripclub last night and lie about it? I did, but technically the lying is as much your fault as it is mine. How the hell can you think that? Because it takes two people to lie, Michelle, one to tell the lie and one to believe it, but don't worry, I forgive you. And did that work? Well, it worked in the way that I met your mom at the stripclub and she gave me a couch to sleep on after Michelle kicked me out. The rest is history.

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Peeing sitting down is the gift you give yourself.

Fucking rock!

Excellent.

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Dad was flammable

Great flow.
Excellent Comedy.
Awesome!

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troelsea at gmail dot com

I enojoyed it so much when I read it the second time I started from the last to the first! (That's a good thing) =D

After a refreshing day of lounging around the computer desk with a cool bottle of the freshest bottle of Budwieser in town in one hand and a hand-rolled marijuana ciger in the other, I sit, now, in front of the life giving glow of the moniter wondering,"Can I get enough of mmyers strips?" The answer? No...no, I cannot.

When my dad dies, I hope my mom marries mmyers so he can impart his wisdom to me as well.

More advice, just in time for the holidays.

Saturdays in the park with my stepson by mmyers 11-25-03

Fucking A, man, nature's a fucking beaut, ain't she? Trees and air and shit. Yup. Mother nature should be respected and admired for all she does and the simplicity with which she does it. An interesting fact about mothers and women in general and something you should know, when a woman takes her purse with her to the bathroom, she's probably on her period. Why is that something I should know? One time I asked a chick why she was taking her purse to the bathroom and she said, all shitty like, "Because I'm on my period!" Now I can't get it out of my head. I had to tell someone. Ignorance is bliss.

Saturdays in the park with my stepson (2) by mmyers 11-25-03

Man Skot, no matter how much cash they say is going to charity, never attempt to jump boxes of kittens in a bulldozer. Oh sure, they cheer you when you clear 'em but they'll boo your ass when you don't. It's all bullshit. You didn't really do that, did you? Naw, little dude, I was just shitting ya. Heh. Uh-oh, a Police officer. Let's hide under that car, you know, just for kicks.

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Peeing sitting down is the gift you give yourself.