Mile High as a Kite. by smamurai 10-16-03

WE'RE GONNA CRASH! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE! OH MY GOD! Aim for some trees. You know we were cruising at 27,000 ft. before we hit that other plane. So what ypu're saying is that even at terminal velocity it's gonna take us about five or so minutes to hit ground zero? Yep, pretty much. God I'm bored. Got any fast acting laxitives? There's a coupla lines in it for ya. [sniff]

Ahh, the short attention span of habitual drug-users is always good for a laugh. As is the short attention span of habitual drug-users.

btw I do know how to spell samurai, that's no typo there mister.

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GOVT. Warning: Do not smoke around children they will badger you for fags.

Now that's a hot babe. by smamurai 10-16-03

Are there any recent mothers on the plane? I have always wanted to juggle 5 new-born babies. Sure why not? I mean we're all going to die in about two minutes, we might as well enjoy a little cabaret. here, I have twins you can use. I'm sure others will help. You guys are great. Now I have 5 babies, I can't believe I'm actually getting to live out my dream. Have fun with it. Start the show already. Also does anyone have any lighter fluid? Now that's just sick.

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GOVT. Warning: Do not smoke around children they will badger you for fags.

That one is gold.

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AFROMANS MOVE

smamurai, you are quickly worming and festering a place into my cold, dark heart. Many thanks.

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Peeing sitting down is the gift you give yourself.

We Can Edit Around This, Right? by smamurai 10-16-03

Hi there kid. I can see you're going through a lot of stuff right now. Trust me you are not weird. I'm Geoff and I'm a child-psychologist. If you just let me in I promise I can help ease your pain. You can't help me, no-one can. The other kids call me weirdy-weirdy-weird-beard even though I have no facial hair. I'm scared and lonely and I'll never trust you. Ok so I trust you now and I'm willing to tell you everything. I SEE DEAD PEOPLE. Ok can I go now? You won't be able to help me. You should stay away from me. Now listen son I am not going anywhere. If you stick with me we can get you through this. I know you believe you can see dead people but I'll make you see that's just not possible. I know in the script, at the end you're a ghost and everything but I really think wardrobe might have fucked up a little with your outfit. I just think the sheet thing has ruined the twist a little. It has a bit, hasn't it?

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GOVT. Warning: Do not smoke around children they will badger you for fags.

Quite nice. =D

Ewe Dirty Dirty Man! by smamurai 10-17-03

A field, somwhere in Wales... Hello Cadfan my boyo. I wonder where Dyfan has got to. He's usually here at the crack of dawn warming up the ladies for us. So you haven't heard then Huw? He got himself arrested yesterday. Terrible scene it was too. By all the daffodils! What did he do this time then? He was caught masturbating using a sheep-skin glove. Naked he was, in the middle of the street. How unlucky can you be eh? What did they charge him with then? Necrophillia!

I'm a machine.

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GOVT. Warning: Do not smoke around children they will badger you for fags.

Wrestling Academy: Round1 by smamurai 10-17-03

I totally aced the English literature test man. I got like 92%. I studied for it too. That's cool man. I failed it miserably. It's lloking like I'm gonna fail the whole class. Everyone is disappointed in me. Really? What did professor Stone Cold say? I bet he was pissed at you. He said...... YOU NEED TO DO SOME HOMEWORK ON THOSE ABS SON. HELL YEAH etc.

Might make a series, might not.

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GOVT. Warning: Do not smoke around children they will badger you for fags.

The Funky 'Fro Fiasco by smamurai 10-17-03

Say handsome, that's some slick lookin dreads you got there. You know I've been bald from 4th grade, and I know that round about this time of night you take a shit out the window through a colander. I do indeed, so what's your point? Are you going to take responsibility for the shit on my head this time. Not without proper D.N.A testing no. I'm never eating spaghetti at your house again.

Thanx 4 tha love y'all, 4 tha love y'all, 4 tha love y'all, people killin people dyin, cross the desert swam the shore, don't go chasin waterfalls.

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GOVT. Warning: Do not smoke around children they will badger you for fags.

Star Trek : The search for new plots. by smamurai 10-20-03

The ship is in trouble, something or someone is threatening the ship somehow, if the situation doesn't improve she`ll be blown or ripped to bits, what can we do? We`re doomed Cap'n, we dont have anything on the ship that we can possibly use to counteract this deadly peril. Is there not something on the ship that perhaps we can tweak a little, and by tweak I means reverse its polarity or maybe bolt it onto another piece of the ships technology to somehow solve this? There is such an item or items, but Cap'n it will be dangerous the chances of our surviving such a course of action are like, really close to nil. We will probably die just as badly. Just make it happen Spork, if we do nothing we will die anyway. So go ahead and do the thing with the thing already. Ok I just did it. Did you feel the shaking when I did it Cap'n? I can't believe it but we made it through. Ok so shall we do this again, say.......same time next week?

more shit.

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GOVT. Warning: Do not smoke around children they will badger you for fags.

The names Boss, James Boss. by smamurai 10-21-03

Good afternoon Mr.Boss. It's good to have you back, did you enjoy your honeymoon? I've had better. Say, what's with the icy temp in here? But the heating is on full blast sir, I'm sweating like Kobe over here. And you are also very stupid. I am talking about that fridgid secretary. When I asked her where my usual blond good-looking secretary was she called me a sexist pig. What's up with that cold bitch? Try to tone down the man-hating a little, it's freaking me out. You should take notes from my other secretary, she's a team player. It's not in my job description to answer the phone 'tits-out'.

Shit + 1

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GOVT. Warning: Do not smoke around children they will badger you for fags.

No Mr.Boss, I expect you to take a drop. by smamurai 10-21-03

Get a move on Cindy, I dont want to be late for my tee-off with Dr. Poppers. PICK UP THE BAG, DONT DRAG IT WOMAN. Ahhhh! Mr. James Boss, we have been expecting you. Dr. Poppers! Care to tell me about your plans for worldwide distribution? All in good time Mr.Boss. But first, let us play a game. Say, that's a stunning filly you have caddying for you Dr.Poppers. Mind if I have a crack at her? Be my guest Mr.Boss, ha ha ha good luck though, she is a feisty man-hater. I had the hardest time getting her to caddie top-less.

some shit with your shit sir?

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GOVT. Warning: Do not smoke around children they will badger you for fags.

Your name is awesome. Your comics are awesome. Your sig is awesome.

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Batman created by Bob Kane

I love you.

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GOVT. Warning: Do not smoke around children they will badger you for fags.

Wizards Rules by smamurai 10-22-03

The First rule about being a wizard is, You do not talk about being a wizard. The second rule about being a wizard is YOU DO NOT TALK ABOUT OUR SMALL WIZARD COCKS! ..?.. You dig? But I don't have a small wizard cock. Yes, I am a wizard, but my cock is on the happy side of average. It's not a mutually inclusive deal. Good work son, I see you have been reading the manual. I'm not lying. I can show you it if you like.....what manual?

he's done it again. *somewhere in the distance someone starts slow clapping*

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GOVT. Warning: Do not smoke around children they will badger you for fags.

Wizards Rules: wand envy by smamurai 10-22-03

Well done son. Even under my harsh questioning you have failed to break down and admit the truth about your small wizard cock. You're a credit to the trade my boy. Look, how long have you been a wizard? Well since I was born, we all were. Wizards are born wizards, and they will die wizards. And how many other wizards cocks have you seen in your lifetime? None, but my doctor said.... ..That's just what people say to wizards who have small cocks. Your a wizard for crying out loud, if he told you any different you would have fried him.

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GOVT. Warning: Do not smoke around children they will badger you for fags.

Very nice, but I'm afraid your humor might be over some people on heres heads. I personally thought it rather sick and humorous so you're being added to my list. Only suggestion would be to pay better attention to spelling and spacing, although we all have our moments. As far as getting paid... accept my compliment as payment in full.
H-D *<}:o)

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Heavy-Duty *<}:o)

I do get a bit wordy sometimes, in fact I have to cut a lot of the stuff I start out with before I can fit it in the boxes. So sometimes I have to sacrifice the gaps after full-stops to get the word in that I want to use. I'm glad you like my stuff.
But dude, spelling mistakes? I just read them all and I couldn't spot one.

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GOVT. Warning: Do not smoke around children they will badger you for fags.

Wizards Rules: Little Cocky Bastards by smamurai 10-23-03

*sob* Awwwwwwwwww *sniff* Dear God *sob* I have nothing left to live for. All my life I believed that all wizards had small wizard cocks. I'm ruined, my 2nd rule is a sham. Oh the shame, I am the only wizard with a small wizard cock. Hey, hey, hey man. Look I was only joking. I too have a small wizard cock, we all do. I have a tiny wizard cock tis true. We are the same. Aha! Psyche! You fell for the oldest trick in the book. Now that you have broken the 2nd rule I will tell all the other wizards. You will be banished from our coven You disgust me. Oh for fucks sake. I only said that so you would'nt do anything crazy like kill yourself. I'm seriously hung man.

Wizards Rules: A conspiricy unmasked. by smamurai 10-23-03

*sobs* Jesus Christ man I can't believe you did that. I had to. Oh man I'm ruined. Why did you do that? I had to. Can I see it again? No, mister grabby-hands.

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GOVT. Warning: Do not smoke around children they will badger you for fags.

Davey Bane : He love the free blow. by smamurai 10-28-03

Hey Davey Bane, What's up with your expanding waistline? It's all the protein I have been taking. I am in training. What are you training for this time? I'm going to enclose myself in a cramped box for forty days and nights. My only sustenance will be liquid, fed to me through a tube. You're going to stay in the toilets at the railway station giving blow-jobs to complete strangers again, aren't you? Be amazed as my self-respect, vanishes into thin air.

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GOVT. Warning: Do not smoke around children they will badger you for fags.

Davey Bane: Sweets magic by smamurai 10-28-03

Ok now give me your hand. Put them down here beneath my hands. Can you feel any warmth? Yes I can, it's like there is a heat on my hands. Keep focussing. Now it's going to get hotter and hotter. You will want to pull your hands away but you must focus. Look straight into my eyes. Ow I can really feel it. It's hot! It's burning me! Here it comes and....THERE! Is this the pop-tart you were thinking of? Be careful it's hot. Nice catch. Hey it's strawberry! Strawberry was the pop-tart I was thinking of.

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GOVT. Warning: Do not smoke around children they will badger you for fags.

That's some of the funniest shit I've seen in a long time :D