Buyin' Condoms: Puppets by Hans_Gruber 11-23-03

Buyin' condoms this very moment at a CVS on Skywalker Ranch... Yessiree, these'll do perfectly... See, um, I'm supposed to take part in an auto-asphyx orgy in the, ahem, climax of 'The Muppets Gangbang the Alphabet People'... I know that's George Lucas's erect penis under that sock puppet. Ahem... May the force be with you.

Buyin' Condoms: The Spaniard by Hans_Gruber 11-23-03

Buying condoms this very moment at a CVS outside Barcelona... Hello, my friend... It is my intent to buy ten thousand condoms from your humble store. I fear the AIDS. Translated from Bull: I hate you filthy spics. Let us dance then, mighty bitch!

Buyin' Condoms by Hans_Gruber 11-23-03

Buying condoms this very moment at a CVS in downtown Atlanta... Um... Hello. I would like to buy this spindly little sea creature sealed in tin foil... After filling it with water and poking tiny holes into its delicate skin, I will make a delightful play toy for my Brahmin children... Infidel pervert. Yes. I know.

Buyin' Condoms: The Amish by Hans_Gruber 11-23-03

Buying condoms this very moment at a CVS outside the Ozarks... Oh, sister, these artificial teats will be the perfect prosthetic for my cow Bessy... See, Bessy lost her udders in a barn-raising mishap... You'll burn like the rest of us, Weedy. (Gulp) Ever see 'Witness'?

The only time I ever believe drug store clerks are honestly wishing me to "have a good day" is when I buy condoms.