THE ADVENTURES OF HONKY THE GIANT SNOT-RAG by biped 4-01-04

One day, Honky the Giant Snot-Rag inadvertently burst onto the rap scene... People blow their noses in me all the time. Nice meter, dawg...now make it rhyme! That's why I'm always full of slime. Damn, that's tight! It oughtta be a crime! Um...er...I think I'll become the first snot-rag mime. Whoa, hol' up now...you lost me that time.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

"DEAD DOG PLAYTIME" starring Goo-Goo and Ying-Yang by biped 4-02-04

We're looking for dead dogs to play with. Yeah! I like to set 'em on fire! I like to put explosives in them and blow them up in Taco Bell parking lots. I like to throw 'em off freeway overpasses onto speeding cars! I like to diaper them, put them in a stroller, and wheel them around the mall so people will be horrified. I like to put 'em in bed with Gramps and Meemaw!

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Your kind of humour kind of reminds me Maddox from xmission with a dose of madtv and the sense of humour of a sober Charles Bukowsky

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There was once a man who said:"nothing is true!". Although later it was found out that he was lying.

Thanks -- I didn't know who Maddox was so I looked up his website and have been laughing my ass off. I especially liked the "I Am Better Than Your Kids" section.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

LATE NIGHT with DOG ON BALL by biped 4-05-04

Monologue And now...HEEEERE'S...DOG ON BALL!!! HEE HAW!!! ME JUST FLY IN FROM VEGAS!!! BOY, ME ARMS TIRED!!! BEEP-BEEP!!! First guest -- Ridley Scott Well, Dog On Ball...I consider my latest directorial effort to be a distinct stylistic departure from -- MEOW!!! ME LIKE HOPALONG CASSIDY MOVIES!!! WHO AM YOU, BUTTFACE? GRRRR!!! Second guest -- actor Billy Zane ...so, right after Jim Cameron yelled "cut", I said to Kate Winslet, "Kate" -- HEE HAW!!! ME GET CHAINSAW AND KILL YOU WITH IT!!! VROOM-VROOM!!! ME RACE CAR!!!

THE NEW NON-OFFENSIVE AMOS 'N' ANDY SHOW by biped 4-05-04

Now with ROBOTS! Dat's right, Andy...you gives me fo' hunnut dollahs, and I'll sells you dis here gen-yoo-ine indivisible mink stole so's you can git in good wiff yo girlfren again... Hmm...dat souns lahk a real good deal, alright...I'll take it, Kingfish. You mean da Kingfish done swindled me again, Amos? Holy mackul, I's resgusted. Ah'm afraid so, Andy...and dis sho is a dirty low-down scheme, even fo' de Kingfish. Now hole on dere, Andy...ain't no need for you to get all indignified and go pugilatin' on me...here, I'll throw dis bona-fried see-through hyena-skin coat inta de bargain... Well, now you talkin', Kingfish! My gal is sho gone be extry sweet on me when she see dis.

IDENTICAL TWIN HOLIDAY TAG-TEAM BAD POETRY SMACKDOWN by biped 4-03-04

NARRATOR: Today's poem..."Dairy Maid, Monster Suckler." Down the street, and up the block...near the solid waste processing plant...lives a little girl named Dairy Maid...who smells like Cary Grant. Her dreams are filled with bovine love...of cows in torrid, tongue-swept smooches...swapping cud with swarthy farmers...'midst droppings left by bitter pooches. NARRATOR: I get to do a verse in the next panel... And when the sun bursts through the clouds...and shines its rays upon her hump...then Dairy Maid jumps up and down...upon the corpse of Forrest Gump. The bloody corpse of Forrest Gump...the rotting, oozing, rancid corpse...that Dairy Maid shines heat lamps on...until it shrivels, pops, and warps. NARRATOR: (ahem) But as the cows in lip-lock swoon...their teats unmilked, as passion mounts...she dreams of Carrot Top's "equipment"...on which she'd like to jump and pounce. Milk, and cheese, and chicken eggs...Milton Berle, and Seth Green's legs...the smell of Raymond Burr's behind...go swirling through her fevered mind. And now the farmers and the cows...have mutant children in their lust...which Dairy Maid will volunteer...to suckle with her ample bust.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.