Some of you might know me as TooMuchCoffeeGuy. I'll be using that account for one off strips, this one for a couple of longer stories. This is the first.

I realise it's pretty long and visually monotonous, but I hope someone will bother to read it...

Penultimate Fighting Championship III, Part I by TMCG 4-19-04

David, David and David vs Goliath Ladies, gentlemen, and our millions of viewers around the world. We are broadcasting from Hobart Tasmania, and it is time for our main event. Good Evening, Robert. Good Evening, Julie. I have to tell you I sure am excited about this match up! Ooh! It's time for the weigh in. In the red corner, from Glenorchy Tasmania, weighing in at 600 pounds: Larry, Jim, and Steve, three unemployed builders, each armed with a pair of scissors. And in the blue corner, from Mozambique Africa and fighting out of the Melbourne zoo, weighing in also at 600 pounds, we have Coco the Gorilla, armed with claudia schiffer.

Penultimate Fighting Championship III, Part II by TMCG 4-19-04

Well, I don't know about you Julie, but I've been waiting for this one. The boys from the Centrelink camp certainly have been making a mark for themselves. Yes, but you just can't help but love Coco, with his 5 and 0 record here in the Cube. Coco really does make an impression, and the longer this fight goes on I really think its going to go his way. And now, here's Big John Macarthy, to get things started. Are you ready? Are you ready? Then you get it on while I get the fuck out of this cage!

Penultimate Fighting Championship III, Part III by TMCG 4-19-04

Well, its underway and OH MY GOD, COCO JUST TOOK A SWING AT JOHN!!! Well, that is a surprise, we haven't seen that since Paul "the Nutbuster" Smithers stabbed the referee in the first 3 minutes of that fight back in PFC 1- The DeathArena! Yes, since then the rules were changed, so referees can do their job outside of the cage, by bouncing on the trampoline floor, either out the door, or the hatch on the top. Yes Rob, some would say that these rule changes have lessened our sport, but I disagree, I really appreciate the way that things are being done. Yes Julie, so do I, and I really think our fans have started to as well. Yes Rob, so do I.

Penultimate Fighting Championship III, Part IV by TMCG 4-19-04

Now as you can see here, we have the traditional feeling out process, best seen in any of our great 3 on 1 primate match ups. This is the technique known as the 'scatter', first introduced by the Gracie brothers. That of course, was after they were forced to leave the UFC following that unfortunate "training accident". But perhaps we will also see its counter, the splatter, first pioneered by Jojo the Orangutan against the Gracies, may God rest their souls. In fact I think I saw Renzie earlier tonight, the only survivor of the final bout from PFC 1. Oh, yes, there he is in the wheelchair in the aisle near the fourth row.

Penultimate Fighting Championship III, Part V by TMCG 4-20-04

And here we go, I think that's Steve? has just jumped onto Coco's back, and Larry has come from the side and struck with the scissors. But Coco moved aside, and Claudia has taken that shot STRAIGHT INTO HER LEG!!! Ooh, that's gotta hurt, and look at that, Jim has come from the other side and taken a shot at Coco... BUT HE'S HIT STEVE, and now all HELL's breaking loose! I can't believe it! I'm sure glad they changed the "weapon noise rule", so that as we can see Claudia has the gaffa tape over her mouth, to keep the noise level down. Yes, she would really be screaming now as Coco uses the repeated overhead smash and brings her down on the wounded Steve, causing him to bounce nearly 5 feet in the air! OUCH! You have to be wondering about the other two, they appear to be regrouping in the corner to regain their breaths!

[Click to view comic: 'Penultimate Fighting Championship III, Part VI']
[Click to view comic: 'Penultimate Fighting Championship III, Part VII']

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www.tmcg.cjb.net

They were all right. The first one was the funniest, hands down.

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

Thanks!

They were all taken from a single narrative I wrote a while back.

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www.redmeat.com