If you don't think these comics are funny, please note that I've already cleverly included the word "unfunny" in the titles in order to defuse any potential criticisms of them, and if you say they aren't funny I can just say that they weren't meant to be funny, and if you say "well you succeeded because they aren't" then I'll just say "good."

UNFUNNY PHONE COMICS #1 by biped 4-04-04

RRR-III-NNNG!!! MORAL: Mom's Civil War figurines from the Franklin Mint cannot answer the phone for you. RRR-III-NNNG!!!

UNFUNNY PHONE COMICS #2 by biped 4-04-04

RRR-III-NNNG!!! AAARRRGGGHHH!!!! The sonic waves from the ringing phone snapped my spinal cord!!! RRR-III-NNNG!!! ULP...the sonic waves from the ringing phone are now arousing me sexually. RRR-III-NNNG!!! GRRR!!! THE SONIC WAVES FROM THE RINGING PHONE ARE NOW PISSING ME OFF!!! KILL!!! KILL!!! KILL!!!

UNFUNNY PHONE COMICS #3 by biped 4-04-04

Edna? Are you there? Edna? Ralph? Is that you? Edna? Where are you? Edna!!! Ralph? I can hear you, but I can't see you! Ralph!!! MORAL: speaker phones should not be retro-designed to look like rotary phones. EDNAAA!!! EDNAAAAAAA!!! RAAALPH!!! RAAAALLLPPHHH!!!!

UNFUNNY PHONE COMICS #4 by biped 5-10-04

RRR-III-NNN-GGG!!! Oh, how I hate and despise telephones. Of all the human inventions, I hate telephones most of all. RRR-III-NNN-GGG!!! Oh my god, I'm having the telephone nightmare again.

UNFUNNY PHONE COMICS #5 by biped 5-10-04

BB-RR-II-NN-GG!!! Oh, FUCK!!! I bought the kind of phone that says "BB-RR-II-NN-GG!!!" instead of just 'RRR-III-NNGG!!!" BB-RR-II-NN-GG!!! SHUT UP!!! BB-RR-II -- FUCK!!! I'LL FUCK -- YOU -- SUCKING PHONE!!! SHIT!!!

[Click to view comic: 'UNFUNNY PHONE COMICS #6']

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

UNFUNNY PHONE COMICS #6 by biped 5-10-04

Oh, I LOVE my new phone! It's a PRINCESS phone! *GIGGLE * It's just like ME, because we're BOTH prin -- I'm not a princess phone, dumbass...and you're a stupid fucking asshole for making such a fuck-headed, shit-for-brains mistake. HUH? But...but that's an awful thing to say... *whimper* So, what did you expect? I came out of Hitler's ass. HITLER'S ASS? Yep. He ate all the different parts, and shit a telephone. And here I am.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Do we have too much time on our lil paddies? Is that the problem, biped?
Them there comics gave me a nose bleed ...will there be any indemnity for my pain and suffering?

Curious george wanted to know

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theDROOLfool drooooooools

Didn't like 'em? Didn't mean for you to.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

UNFUNNY PHONE COMICS #7 by biped 5-10-04

Gee...it's hard to decide between the classic Ferrari and the brand new Lambergini. But I think I'll look nice behind the wheel of that Ferrari. Excellent choice, sir. And, by the way...it came out of Hitler's ass. Yes, fine, and...uh...wha-what did you say? The Ferrari, sir. It came out of Hitler's ass. He just ate all the different parts, and shit a Ferrari. And there it is.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

I think you're having a problem that freud would describe as aggression toward your father through the phone he always hogged in previous years when talking to his little friends so you could never talk to your own friends. Thusly, you are taking it out on the poor phone graphic of this site.

(BTW: I actually enjoyed those comics.)

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I will rate you hard, and unendingly.

biped quote: _______________________________________________________________________

Didn't like 'em? Didn't mean for you to
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waaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwww...it's true...you can't be the hambone all the time.
Even with all your prodigious talent....one must prorate the éclat to the lowly, at least once.
i understand your reasoning ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~|o:

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theDROOLfool drooooooools

quote:

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waaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwww...it's true...you can't be the hambone all the time.

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quote:

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Even with all your prodigious talent

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theDROOLfool quote:
Even with all your prodigious talent
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biped quote:
I liked that part. hahahahahaha
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consider that your treat for tonight *slurp*

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theDROOLfool drooooooools

quote:

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o_o but they're not funny! They're educational! There is so much hidden meaning and worth locked within these tomes of graphic goodness:

You see? Deep meaning!

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quote:

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o_o but they're not funny! They're educational! There is so much hidden meaning and worth locked within these tomes of graphic goodness:

You see? Deep meaning!

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I'm pleased that you were able to discern my hidden philanthropic motivations in making these wonderful educational comics for the children.

Your analysis of the Freudian implications would have been right on the mark as well if I had actually had any friends back then, except for my doggy.

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I had to use two tin cans with a string between them, and put one of them out the window for my doggy to talk on. And sometimes when I thought I was talking to my doggy it was really just raccoons who came out of the woods at night to go through the trash, and they would taunt me.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Raccoons can be cruel, especially when they're in their teenage years. That must've been awful!

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I will rate you hard, and unendingly.

quote:

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Raccoons can be cruel, especially when they're in their teenage years. That must've been awful!

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UNFUNNY PHONE COMICS #8 by biped 5-10-04

Daddy, I want to thank you so much for the beautiful wedding. It was so very, very special. Todd thought so, too. Nothing but the best for my little angel. And you were the loveliest bride I've ever seen...save for your sweet mother, of course, ha-ha. And the cake...oh, daddy, it was the most gorgeous wedding cake I ever saw. It was really, really special, too. Well, ha-ha, it should be special, my dear...it came out of Hitler's ass, you know. Oh yes, daddy, I -- HITLER'S ASS? Yep. He just ate all the ingredients, and shit a wedding cake...and there it was. Happy wedding day, sweetheart.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

UNFUNNY PHONE COMICS #9 by biped 5-11-04

Oh, sweetums! Mommy's so happy with her Mother's Day present that you bought all by yourself! *wink, wink* It's a WAFFLE IRON, Mommy! OH, Mommy can SEE that! And it's a NICE one, too! Did you pick it out yourself? I sure DID! And guess what? The saleslady said it came out of HITLER'S ASS! Oh, that's WONDERFUL, sweetums, I -- HITLER'S ASS? YEP! She said he just took all the different parts, ate 'em, and SHIT A WAFFLE IRON! And HERE IT IS! Cook some waffles with it, Mommy!

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Hence why you make comics that make bunnies cry.

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I will rate you hard, and unendingly.

This is what it sounds like
When bun-nies cry
Dunt duh-duh-dunt, dunt-dunt-dunt-dunt
HEEEEEE

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Now if you could somehow combine the phone AND Hitler's ass, we'd have the biggest unfunny hit since Sports Night.

There needs to be MORE unfunny phone comics!! More I say!

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I will rate you hard, and unendingly.

Yes, if only I could figure out a way to make it look like people were using Hitler's ass to order pizza or call their mom on Mother's Day.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

I'm trying to be unfunny! It's harder than it looks!

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

I'm trying to be unfunny! It's harder than it looks!

No its not! I'm unfunny all the time. Its a breeze!

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I will rate you hard, and unendingly.

I'm sorry, but I laugh at a lot your comics. I hope you don't take that the wrong way.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.