Hey there. Thanks for reading the first two episodes. Hopefully you won't hate them.

Stereotypes Of Western Civilization, Inc. (EPISODE 1) by darwin_farkus 8-31-04

Smoky McSmokesmoke and his pal Christian Diapers are out for a stroll, when suddenly... Holy Christ! Did you just see that truck squash that kid's head like a little melon?! It was probably all for the better. He was most likely going to grow up and live a sterile and desolate existence wherein he would discover me and eventually ruin himself over time. Well, yeah... but he was just a kid! Look, if you aren't gonna smoke me then I'll go across the street to that elementary school playground where someone will. ...I'll be good.

Stereotypes Of Western Civilization, Inc. (EPISODE 2) by darwin_farkus 8-31-04

Psssttt!!!... Hey there, girly! Smooooke.... Smooooke..... POP-sickle!!! No. Smooooke..... Smooooke..... POP-sickle!!! hee hee hee... Smooooke..... Goddammit Chris, not now! I've got something cookin' over here!

Interesting. Much potential.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Thanks! I appreciate that.

Stereotypes Of Western Civilization, Inc. (EPISODE 3) by darwin_farkus 8-31-04

Hey you think when you're done trying to sell cigarettes to seven-year old kids on the school playground you might maybe let me have a little drag or two? Oh piss off. Aw, don't mind him sweetheart, he's just having what we adults call a nic-fit... Put me in your mouth... I'm a lot like candy. I'll take the edge off, I swear babe. Ku-kay? Yeah, whatever. I'm leaving... make sure she's clear on which end she's supposed to suck on! WAAAAAAA!!!!!

Stereotypes Of Western Civilization, Inc. (EPISODE 4) by darwin_farkus 8-31-04

Jesus monkeys! That little girl just went up in flames like my butthole after I sodomized myself with that bottle rocket last year! What in the hell did you do to her Smoky??!! ohshitohshitohshitohshit...Okay we need to go NOW!! Oh my God! I... I smell burning kid! I think I'm gonna be sick... ohshitohshitohshitohshit...Seriously, Christian, NOW is not the time to vomit...I'm wearing sandals here... ohshitohshitohshit... Alright, stop right there you scummy bastards! You guys make me SICK! Um, you might want to stand back officer.

Stereotypes Of Western Civilization (EPISODE 5) by darwin_farkus 8-31-04

A sad evening at the morgue... Alright Father, bring in the mother. Yes, Officer. Hello ma'am... oh, this is the hardest part of my job.... I'm afraid we're going to require your assistance in identifying your daughter's remains. Sounds like you already know it's her. I mean, you called ME, right? It's not like you have a line of parents outside who have daughters that were burned alive today, do you? I'll just... leave you two alone. Oh wow, you know you guys could have put her teeth closer to the bottom of the pile.

Stereotypes Of Western Civilization, Inc. (EPISODE 6) by darwin_farkus 8-31-04

And so we join Smoky McSmokesmoke and Christian Diapers, who are currently incarcerated... Hey! Hey Chris! Can you hear me? Answer me, man! This is all just a formality! We'll be outta here in no time! First of all, a formality? Do I have to remind you that you burned a toddler to the ground while encouraging her to take up smoking?! I've never been more pissed at anyone in my life. Pissed at me? Oh you're one to act all high and mighty all of a sudden! Kids smoke and die everyday. Who cares? This place ain't nothing... Believe me, I've burned out in worse places... Ha! Easy for you to say! I'm cold, tired and hungry! I gave up on taking a crap because it's too dark to see the hole in the floor! And you're not the one with a ghost haunting your cell either! Ooh! Ooh! Ask him if I can get a light! Ah-hahahahahaha! Dude, that joke got SO old an hour ago.

Stereotypes Of Western Civilization, Inc. (Episode 7) by darwin_farkus 9-01-04

You know, I haven't told anyone this, but lately I've been thinking a lot about my own mortality. In truth I guess I'm a little afraid of death. So um... uh, did, you know... was it painful? Funny story about that... have you ever had a scorpion enema? Forget it...

I like them. Keep up the good work!

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

Stereotypes Of Western Civilization, Inc. (EPISODE 8) by darwin_farkus 9-01-04

Oh hey. Guess you're my new cellmate, huh? My name's Christian. What's yours? Have you ever gutted a man because you were curious about what he smelled like on the inside? Fucking perfect... I HAD to get the sickie. Lovely. Should have known. It's not everyday you see a grown man wearing a training bra. Maybe if I ignore him he'll go away. I'm about to get tail-gunned, aren't I? Pee on me.

These are quite amusing, but I think the title is somewhat misleading.

Too true. I was just starting to notice that myself.

Stereotypes Of Western Civilization, Inc. "BACKYARD BAR-B-Q" by darwin_farkus 9-02-04

Once upon a time in the tiny city of Waco, Texas, a hungry musician by the name of Vernon Howell (aka David Koresh) discovered Jesus... Hmm... Sweet gig. After realizing that polygamy wasn't just for Mormons, he and his recently acquired Branch Davidian followers geared up for what would later become known as "The Cookout Heard 'Round The World"... Seriously. I'm not makin' this shit up. Sex with me, or eternal damnation. Nothing too kinky, 'cause all my kids will be watching. Um, ok, but why are we stockpiling weapons? I thought you were some kind of frickin' hippy or something. But, just in the nick of time, our fellow American heroes in the ATF stepped in and thankfully averted what might well have been a catastrophic loss of human life... Miss Reno, we found another baby corpse... Shall I toss it on the pile with the oth--hey, you're not Miss Reno! I'm here for Scapegoats Anonymous... oh! Am I early? Say... mind if I take a gander at those dead children?

I think you should have called it "Our Intestines Are Filled With Tiny Robot Seahorses."

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Or "Lactating Gazelle With Oedipus Complexes Play The Pan Flute"

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

Ooooooohh........... I like.

S.o.W.C.,Inc. "darwin takes a break" by darwin_farkus 9-03-04

You wanted a word with me, Christian? Yes, Mr. Farkus, um, sorry to bother you, but we've done a number of these cartoons together now... and uh, the audience response seems to be fairly positive for the most part... Mmm-hmm... ...and, um, I'm kind of thinking that I don't want to pigeonhole myself into just one role... so, uh, I'm thinking about possibly leaving to pursue some lucrative film ventures. That's fine, good luck. We'll do our best to find a replacement for you. I hear Shelly Long is looking for some work these days... May I shine your shoes, sir?

S.o.W.C.,Inc. "darwin replies to an e-mail" by darwin_farkus 9-04-04

*"Dear Mr. Farkus, If all you can do is bash other members and swear, you will be banned from Fat and Stupid Internet Nerds.net. Consider this your only warning!"* Dear Site Admin., The underlying principle of Feng Shui is to live in harmony with your environment so that the energy, or chi, surrounding you works FOR you rather than AGAINST you. It affects every aspect of your life, and the way it is applied can either be beneficial or detrimental to the way you live. Knowing this, if I smashed your fucking skull in with a hammer and rang your tiny little brain like a blood-soaked bell, would an angel still get its wings? Yours, darwin. You have GOT to get a girlfriend, sir...

Online Gaming To The Tune Of "If I Only Had A Brain..." by darwin_farkus 9-04-04

Wellll.... All the girls might think I'm manly, and Dad might understand me if I only had a GUN.... ....bee-doop! Bee-doop-bee-da-doop! ....I'd do away with all rejection and George Bush's re-election if I only had a GUN!!!! Hey look at MEEEEEE.......... drunk on Mom's FLOOORRR!!!!.... Playin' Rainbow 6 'til sometime after FOURRRRR.... ...Cussin' at some folks I've never met before.... I'm off to school.... to shoot some MOOORRREEEE....

HAHA! I love song comics!

Thanks possums.

Stereotypes Of Western Civilization, Inc. (EPISODE 9) by darwin_farkus 9-06-04

And thusly... So you're quite sure you're ready to confront your daughter's killer? Eh, sure. My next shift doesn't start for another half-hour or so. Besides, it's either this, or I could go across the street and have a stranger lap booze out of my gaping vagina. Ma'am, I must remind you that we're dealing with a most vile and sinister villain here. A heart that is not pure with God's love may be ill-prepared for the abominations that wait beyond this door. I work at a fuckin' Arby's. What is it I'm hanging onto here, my sanity? *GASP!!* YOU?! SMOKY?! Y-You killed OUR daughter?!

Stereotypes Of Western Civilization, Inc. (EPISODE 10) by darwin_farkus 9-07-04

Wha-What?! What do you mean OUR daughter? What do you mean I killed OUR daughter?! It's true, Smoky. I'm sorry I never called to tell you that she was yours. I wasn't with anyone else that whole hour when she was conceived, so I'm afraid there isn't any doubt. God, you're a whore. If there was something poking out of you for every time something had been poked in, you'd be a goddamned porcupine. When we were dating you kept going on and on about how cannibalism was sooo "in", and I guess I was a little concerned about you popping her in the microwave someday while I was at work. Well it worked out, huh? She's fucking dead anyway! And now my damn stomach's growling just thinking about that little bitch between two slices of bread. (sigh)... Such passion... Now I remember why I fell in love with you.

That was rather deranged.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Thanks! I aim to please.

A "Stereotypes Of Western Civilization, Inc." Disclaimer by darwin_farkus 9-10-04

Having received numerous complaints about the recent cruel and tragic storylines involving children in peril, I'm here today to personally apologize on behalf of the creators of "S.o.W.C., Inc." It should certainly go without saying that there is absolutely no humor to be found when making jokes about child combustion OR consumption, and we're really very sorry about it. Really. We mean it. Won't happen again. In fact, all of the upcoming strips that involved JonBenet Ramsey getting pissed on by the Easter Bunny have been scrapped. Please enjoy the rest of our family-friendly series.

S.o.W.C., Inc. "Adam & Evil" by darwin_farkus 9-10-04

Prior to the famous couple's expurgation from the Garden of Eden... I tricked you. I'm pregnant. I've suckered you in for life. You're not going anywhere. If you try to run, I'll just laugh at you in front of all the animals. I can't believe I lost a fucking rib because of you. In my short time here, I've learned that I can get just about anything I could ever want just by spreading my legs. I've pretty much figured out that God thinks it's funny to put vaginas on his most stupid creations. How's that workin' out for you so far?

S.o.W.C., Inc. "Adam & Evil 2: Temptations" by darwin_farkus 9-11-04

Prior to the famous couple's expurgation from the Garden of Eden... What's your damn problem? Go pick that apple! I'm hungry! But God has instructed us NOT to pick fruit from that tree. It's forbidden and I don't feel like pissing him off again today. I noticed him frowning at me earlier when I was masturbating. Aw, if he gets mad, I'll just tell him the snake made me do it. She blames my penis for everything.

Still funny.

Welcome to StripCreator.

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.