I made this for a thread in "Comics Showcase" because, for no apparent reason, kaufman ordered me to make an eight-part series called "Biped vs. The Borg." And now I'm posting it here because I don't think very many people saw it there.

BIPED VS. THE BORG part 1 by biped 9-02-04

Treaty Time, Beany! Are you hungry for your yummy treaties? Meow, meow! Meow, meow! Would you like chicken, turkey or seafood today? Or maybe even yummy "gourmet" fla-- THE BORG ARE COMING. YOU WILL BE ASSIMILATED. Wha -- huh? Meow, meow! Meow, meow!

BIPED VS. THE BORG part 2 by biped 9-02-04

Boo-yah ka-sha! Big up yo' self. Today we is gonna be talkin' bout "respeck", yo. Black Widow's tight black costume is so fucking sexy. And it really shows off her big tits. CHECK IT -- DA BORG GEEZAS IS COMIN'. YOU IS LIKE GONNA BE RIGHT ASS-STIMULATED, INNIT. NO DOUBT. Man, I'd sure like to -- HUH? Wot? "Miss" Reno? But -- you's a geeza, right? No, seriously -- First kitty, and now TV. I'm starting to get A-SCARED!

BIPED VS. THE BORG part 3 by biped 9-02-04

Oh, it's you, Mr. Hooper. What's up? I'm all packed up and getting the fuck out, that's what's up. You know, what with the Borg coming and all. Wanna catch a ride? What -- what's going on? Wait...you're an alien too, right? No, I'm just a regular human being. Shit...you live next to a guy for ten years...

BIPED VS. THE BORG part 4 by biped 9-02-04

Well, I'm outta here. You comin'? I guess so. I don't want to get ass-stimulated. OH NO! THEY'RE ALREADY HERE! AND THEY'VE ASSIMILATED MY SPACESHIP! Should I go back and get my car? Well dude, we're cooked. Get ready to be turned into a hideous space monster led by an evil hive mind. Will there be a pee-pee test?

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

BIPED VS. THE BORG part 5 by biped 9-02-04

WE ARE BORG. PREPARE TO BE ASSIMILATED. Okay...hey, do you have one of those cool uniforms in a XXXL? WELL...uh, we may have to let one out a bit -- BUT MAKE NO MISTAKE -- THE BORG ARE CAPABLE OF THIS! WE ARE -- Boy, those are tight. I'll bet the Borg chicks look fuckin' hot in those. Does it ever distract you? Well, yeah, I -- SHUT UP! WE ARE BORG! WE ARE NEVER DISTRACTED! YOU WILL BE -- If you get a boner, is it, like, a "hive boner"?

BIPED VS. THE BORG part 6 by biped 9-02-04

COME WITH ME TO BE TRANSFORMED INTO A BORG DRONE. Wow, Jessica Simpson! You've already been assimilated, huh? WE ARE NO LONGER JESSICA SIMPSON. AND WE DO NOT KNOW WHAT "ASMILULIMATED" MEANS -- I never thought I'd ever get to see you "in person!" Especially in such a way sexy outfit! YOU WILL -- oh, giggle! Thanks! I think it really shows off my -- SHUT UP! FOLLOW ME! All-right a-rooty! I'm-a see dat "walkin' away" booty!

BIPED VS. THE BORG part 7 by biped 9-02-04

YOU ARE BEING ASSIMILATED. YOUR MIND IS JOINING THE HIVE MIND. I AM BEING ASSIMILATED. MY MIND IS JOINING THE HIVE MIND. YOU ARE BECOMING -- YOU ARE -- UNNNGGGHHH! BEER! BIG TITS! YES. WE ARE BORG. WE LOVE BEER. WE LOVE BIG TITS. WE ARE GETTING A BONER! WE MUST BE MASTURBATED! WE WILL GO GET THE STROKE MAGAZINES AND THE TISSUES!

BIPED VS. THE BORG part 8 by biped 9-02-04

BEER! SPIKE TV! BONER! MASTURBATE! BIG TITS! UNNNGGGHHH! BORG MUST CHECK OURSELVES BEFO' WE WRECK OURSELVES, YO! THIS SPECIMEN IS UNFIT! FLY AWAY! FLY AWAY! Well, heck. I never even got to wear one of those cool uniforms. Oh, well... Treaty Time, Beany? UNNNNGGGHHHH!

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

That scared me. Very much so.

DOITAGAIN DOITAGAIN!!!

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I will rate you hard, and unendingly.

I will do it again as soon as I have another adventure.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.