Captain Chip's Harrowing Nightmare -- 1 by biped 9-29-04

HEY, hello, everybody, heh-heh! It's me, Captain Chip! Oh, what fun we'll have tonight! YAY!!! HOORAY!!! NEAT-O!!! Here's a scene from my beloved TV series from the sixties! This is the one where I defeated the nefarious Dr. Fudgesicle! "Looks like I've melted your evil scheme to take over Huge-opolis, Dr. Fudgesicle! Guess you're finally LICKED, you big DRIP!" And now I'll take a few questions from the audience! You, sir! What would you like to ask Captain Chip? Nothing, I... I just wanted to be near you, Captain Wanker... I mean, Captain Chip... *quiver*

Captain Chip's Harrowing Nightmare -- 2 by biped 9-29-04

My, what a wonderful personal appearance that was! This time they all came to see ME, Captain Chip, instead of that awful "Captain Wanker"! Excuse me -- Captain Chip? Why, yes! Did you miss out on the autograph signing? I'd be happy to -- OH, CAPTAIN WANKER! MY LOVE FOR YOU IS AN ALL-CONSUMING FLAME! I WANT YOU! I NEED YOU! I MUST HAVE YOU! Now look -- I only did those awful "Captain Wanker" movies because I needed the money for a hernia operation, and -- SHUT UP! Make Captain Chip go away and let CAPTAIN WANKER come out! I know he's trapped in there somewhere, BITCH!

Captain Chip's Harrowing Nightmare -- 3 by biped 9-29-04

You're...you're quite mad, you know...heh, heh... SHUT UP! I hate you, Captain Chip! You're suffocating my beloved Captain Wanker! I KNOW he could love me if you'd only release him! NO! There IS no Captain Wanker! He's only the wretched creation of some horrible hack writer of "gay porno"! I'LL KILL YOU FOR THAT, YOU BASTARD!!! PREPARE TO BE KILLED!!! KILLED, KILLED, KILLED!!! If -- if you kill me -- you'll be killing Captain Wanker, too. Think about it a moment -- just calm down -- and think -- THINK -- Okay... okay... I see your point... this is going to call for more delicate measures... perhaps surgical ones... yes, yes... that's the ticket...

Captain Chip's Harrowing Nightmare -- 4 by biped 9-29-04

Oh, lovely...not only are you insane, but you're a highly-skilled insane surgeon with a fully-functional operating room in your basement... how wonderful... I'll release you from that prison of flesh, Captain Wanker! Just hold on while I select the appropriate cutting instruments for the task... Err... hey, it's me! Captain Wanker! TA-DAHHH! Just watch me wank! See? I'm wanking it! OH MY GOD!!! MY BELOVED CAPTAIN WANKER!!! YOU'VE ESCAPED!!! AND -- AND -- YOU'RE WANKING IT!!! HO-SANNA HEY-SANNA SANNA-SANNA HO!!! Heh, heh! How's this for wanking, eh? Nobody wanks it like Captain Wanker! Which would be me, of course! Good ol' Captain Wanker! *GLORP* Oh, pardon my drool, blessed one... your wankage is a thing of beauty... that I can hardly wait to feel inside my loins... OH, MY ACHING, YEARNING LOINS!!!

Captain Chip's Harrowing Nightmare -- 5 by biped 9-29-04

I -- I'm putting on the naughty French maid outfit, Captain Wanker, just like you asked... I hope you like -- hey! The door's locked! Darn right it is, you SEX-CRAZED WHACKO! Captain Chip HATES you! And, just for the record, CAPTAIN WANKER hates you, too! GOOD DAY, SIR! Later... I can't believe I need ANOTHER hernia operation! Will I never be shed of this awful Captain Wanker character? Ahh, this time the script is really good, Cap! You'll love it! And the guy who wrote it will also be directing and starring in it with you! Here he is now! OH MY GOD!!! YOU!!! AND YOUR ACHING, YEARNING LOINS!!! AT LAST WE CONSUMMATE OUR FORBIDDEN LOVE, MY PRECIOUS CAPTAIN!!! LET THE EXTENSIVE REHEARSALS BEGIN!!!

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

I am superior to biped. by bipped 9-29-04

Well it's been a week now since my girlfriend sewed her cooch shut. A week? I hate that fucking thread holding it shut, man. Yeah, it must be annoying. No, it's like razorwire on my cock when I try to rape her when she's sleeping.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Not only was your last comic funny, but it reminded me I needed to floss. Thank you biped.

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Get Your War On