Coming soon to a bookstore near Mars!

Odd Self-Help Books 1 by quodlibet 11-12-04

Erotica For Lab Geeks Chapter One. Mating Male and Female Plugs! I'm getting hot already! Wowza! Tantric Sex For Necrophiliacs: How To Satisfy Your Partner C++ For The VCR Programmer In Your Household Whoa....

Odd Self-Help Books 2 by quodlibet 11-12-04

Interior Decorating For The Colour-Blind I'm not entirely sure about this.... Aye ham couleur-blind, oui, from Paris, mais, because I am French, I must have good taste, bien sur! Remedial Elementary Asian Mathematics Level 1: Integration by Parts dy = integral from zero to one of 2x(x^6 - 24) dx equals? CPR For Hookers Suck-blow-suck-blow-pump- pump-pump-pump-pump-pump? For free? You gotta be kiddin' me.

Odd Self-Help Books 3 by quodlibet 11-12-04

Zen And The Art of Surviving Airline Disasters Step 1: Talk to the finger! Talk to the finger! Talk to the finger! Hot Travel Destinations For Octogenarian Lesbian Sex My, it's a bit warm down here. Where are we, Greece? Maybe let's go down to the beach for a little tanning! Illiterate? Twenty-Nine Pedagogic Methods To Expedite Reading Comprehension In A Fortnight Or Less! I...I'll...I'll it... Ah, fergedabou' it!

Odd Self-Help Books 4 by quodlibet 11-12-04

Wilderness Survival For Cityfolk I should've been more careful and not fallen five hundred feet off that cliff. But my trusty Wilderness Guide will save me. Chapter 95: Complex neurosurgery in five minutes or less! Requires: one Swiss army knife, one hammer. That's easy enough. Complex repairs for life-threatening trauma made astonishingly simple! Step one. Knock yourself out with the hammer. Here goes --

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If you can't beat your computer at chess, try kickboxing.

Odd Self-Help Books 5 by quodlibet 11-14-04

Dating for the Undead. Chapter 4. Raunchy Pickup Lines. Like to see my boners, yeah baby yeah! Chapter 5. Romantic Pickup Lines. I'd like to vhirl you avay to my phroperty in Transylvania, vhere I vill lovingly suck on your tampons. Chapter 6. More Romantic Pickup Lines I love you to pieces. I don't understand why all the freaks like me.

Odd Self-Help Books 6 by quodlibet 1-04-05

Kosher Meals for the Strict Cannibal Want some fresh meat? Techniques for the Blind Photographer Where...where is that camera again? Which way am I supposed to point it? Advanced Benchwarming for The Useless Athlete Buzz off.

Odd Self-Help Books 7 by quodlibet 1-04-05

101 Slow Painful Annoying Suicide Techniques. Method #21: The Semen-Only Diet I think of it as a variant on the Atkins Plan. It's five dollars for the Happy Meal, chickie. Method 37: Lead the way away Can you hold the cheese? Gimme some nice white paint chips. They taste almost the same. Method 53: Mind Over Matter (aka Mother-in-law Assisted Suicide) I'm moving in permanently with you and living off your pension. You smarmy little good-for-nothing! I can't believe my daughter married you lousy son-of-a-bitch!

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If you can't beat your computer at chess, try kickboxing.

All very funny. Nice work.

Interestingly enough, my ex-bf is a color blind interior designer--he has a great sense of color, but it's because he's learned more about color theory to compensate.

Also, yesterday at Borders, I saw "The Idiot's Guide to the Bible." Truth is funnier than life.

#5 is the best by far.

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peddling the funny around since 09/24/2002

#3 reminds me of this thing I came up with many years ago:

Thanks, all! I strive to please -- it's hard work keeping up with this company. :)

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If you can't beat your computer at chess, try kickboxing.

I don't actually like #8 that much. But, what the heck.

Odd Self-Help Books 8 by quodlibet 1-15-05

Self-Abuse for the Modern Flagellant While I'm too profitable for God to call me a sin, people will avoid you, abuse you, and demand segregation from you! Not to mention the foul breath, yellowed teeth, and ugly wrinkles! Must...watch... more...reality TV as... part of...self-abasement ritual.... Ready for your confesional? I've got my hair shirt on and some gum to take away the aftertaste!

Odd Self-Help Books 9: Geek Love by quodlibet 1-15-05

Chapter 1: Avoid These Geeky Pick-Up Lines My system's loaded with a Centrino processor, 1 gig of RAM and a 160 gig hard drive waiting for your input. My system doesn't accept 3.5-inch floppies any more. Chapter 2: More Geeky Pick-up Lines To Avoid My friend's friend's uncle's brother's third cousin knows William Shatner. Are you female? I don't do silicon-enhanced life forms. They're too creepy. Chapter 3: Still More Stupid Pick-Up Lines To Avoid How much? Ten million credits? Two thousand gold pieces? Six hundred obols? Creep.

Odd Self-Help Books 10 by quodlibet 1-18-05

Bald to Beautiful: Regaining That Youthful Lush Growth "Are you reading this letter by the light reflected from your polished skull?" Only $99.99 at your local bookstore now! "Tired of rubbing raw ginger into your scalp to rally that retreating hairline?" "Too cheap to buy $80 prescription drugs every month, or even a cheap toupee?" Learn simple and invaluable how-to tips Glue groin and armpit hair into a lifelike toupee! Dreadlocks from chest hair! Eyebrows double as sideburns! And MORE!!

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If you can't beat your computer at chess, try kickboxing.