I am reposting this series, because I don't see why not.

From Bags to Riches -- 1 by biped 5-22-04

I think you're the coolest girl in school, Debbie. So I'm popping the question. Will you...go steady with me? No, Biff. It seems you're...lacking something. Something that the other boys have, and you don't. "Lacking something"? But I have a penis, Debbie. Honest. Oh, ICK! Not a "penis", you PERVERT...I'm talking about a colostomy bag. COLOSTOMY BAG? It's the newest thing. All the popular kids have them now. DUH.

From Bags to Riches -- 2 by biped 5-22-04

Dr. Matthews, I want a colostomy bag. But you don't need one, my boy. To perform such an operation would be pointless and unethical. You give me a colostomy bag right now, Dr. Matthews, or I swear I'll kill myself. Well, all right. If you're that desperate. In fact, to prove my devotion to Debbie, now I want two colostomy bags. Goodness! She's a "two-bagger", eh?

From Bags to Riches -- 3 by biped 5-22-04

Oh, it's you, Biff. I thought we discussed this already. Notice something different about me, Debbie? My...bulge? Oh, BIFF! You got "BAGGED!" And for ME...how ROMANTIC! So, I guess you'll go steady with me now, huh? No, Biff... I made up that "colostomy bag" stuff just to get rid of you. I never dreamed you'd be stupid enough to get one. YEAH, and I got TWO of them so that you'd REALLY be... uhh... what was that last thing you said?

From Bags to Riches -- 4 by biped 5-22-04

Mom, I got two colostomy bags to impress Debbie, and she still won't go out with me. Oh...well...I guess a box of candy would be a pretty lame suggestion, then... Son, this goes beyond teenage stupidity. I'm afraid you're what my generation would call a real "grade-A dumbass." Thanks, Dad. Wow! You mean you don't ever have to go to the bathroom anymore? Yeah, heh... pretty cool, huh...

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

From Bags to Riches -- 5 by biped 5-22-04

Hey, mom! I want a colostomy bag like Biff! Oh, dear... Hey, have you got your colostomy bag yet? I sure do! Everybody's getting "Biffed"! It's the coolest fad ever! Biff, you're the hero of the whole elementary school! I am? Do you think any of the girls in your class would... like... go out with me?

From Bags to Riches -- 6 by biped 5-22-04

Thanks for coming to the prom with me, Sally. It'th an honor to be theen with the legendary "Two-Bagth Biff"! Oh, Debbie...it's you. I guess I'm not good enough for you anymore, is that it, Biff? Because I'm not..."bagged"? I'm over you now, Debbie. Thanks to my colostomy bags... I've outgrown you. Oh, the irony! To be DUMPED -- like a HUMAN COLOSTOMY BAG!

From Bags to Riches -- 7 by biped 5-22-04

...in entertainment news, famous hunk Biff "Two-Bags" McGurk has just been signed to take over the role of James Bond. "Bond...James 'Two-Bags' Bond." While in other news, Debbie "The Human Colostomy Bag" Schwartz has once again been named "Most Revolting Circus Geek of the Year." "Whoops, I'm full again! Better empty myself! BLEECCHH!" Your mother and I are proud of you, son. We're both getting colostomy bags. Sally and I are getting married, Dad. If it's okay, we'd like to live in the basement.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Well I laughed like a drain! I've got a lot to learn..

Though you missed the gag: "Biff, you're the hero of the whole ailementary school"

I can only write what my mind tells me to write! I cannot think of anything else!

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.