Not only am I going to repost this series, I am probably going to use this thread to repost some other series that I have done, because I like to do that.

I did this first one because one day kaufman ordered me to do an eight-part series called "Biped vs. The Borg."

BIPED VS. THE BORG part 1 by biped 9-02-04

Treaty Time, Beany! Are you hungry for your yummy treaties? Meow, meow! Meow, meow! Would you like chicken, turkey or seafood today? Or maybe even yummy "gourmet" fla-- THE BORG ARE COMING. YOU WILL BE ASSIMILATED. Wha -- huh? Meow, meow! Meow, meow!

BIPED VS. THE BORG part 2 by biped 9-02-04

Boo-yah ka-sha! Big up yo' self. Today we is gonna be talkin' bout "respeck", yo. Black Widow's tight black costume is so fucking sexy. And it really shows off her big tits. CHECK IT -- DA BORG GEEZAS IS COMIN'. YOU IS LIKE GONNA BE RIGHT ASS-STIMULATED, INNIT. NO DOUBT. Man, I'd sure like to -- HUH? Wot? "Miss" Reno? But -- you's a geeza, right? No, seriously -- First kitty, and now TV. I'm starting to get A-SCARED!

BIPED VS. THE BORG part 3 by biped 9-02-04

Oh, it's you, Mr. Hooper. What's up? I'm all packed up and getting the fuck out, that's what's up. You know, what with the Borg coming and all. Wanna catch a ride? What -- what's going on? Wait...you're an alien too, right? No, I'm just a regular human being. Shit...you live next to a guy for ten years...

BIPED VS. THE BORG part 4 by biped 9-02-04

Well, I'm outta here. You comin'? I guess so. I don't want to get ass-stimulated. OH NO! THEY'RE ALREADY HERE! AND THEY'VE ASSIMILATED MY SPACESHIP! Should I go back and get my car? Well dude, we're cooked. Get ready to be turned into a hideous space monster led by an evil hive mind. Will there be a pee-pee test?

BIPED VS. THE BORG part 5 by biped 9-02-04

WE ARE BORG. PREPARE TO BE ASSIMILATED. Okay...hey, do you have one of those cool uniforms in a XXXL? WELL...uh, we may have to let one out a bit -- BUT MAKE NO MISTAKE -- THE BORG ARE CAPABLE OF THIS! WE ARE -- Boy, those are tight. I'll bet the Borg chicks look fuckin' hot in those. Does it ever distract you? Well, yeah, I -- SHUT UP! WE ARE BORG! WE ARE NEVER DISTRACTED! YOU WILL BE -- If you get a boner, is it, like, a "hive boner"?

---
Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

BIPED VS. THE BORG part 6 by biped 9-02-04

COME WITH ME TO BE TRANSFORMED INTO A BORG DRONE. Wow, Jessica Simpson! You've already been assimilated, huh? WE ARE NO LONGER JESSICA SIMPSON. AND WE DO NOT KNOW WHAT "ASMILULIMATED" MEANS -- I never thought I'd ever get to see you "in person!" Especially in such a way sexy outfit! YOU WILL -- oh, giggle! Thanks! I think it really shows off my -- SHUT UP! FOLLOW ME! All-right a-rooty! I'm-a see dat "walkin' away" booty!

BIPED VS. THE BORG part 7 by biped 9-02-04

YOU ARE BEING ASSIMILATED. YOUR MIND IS JOINING THE HIVE MIND. I AM BEING ASSIMILATED. MY MIND IS JOINING THE HIVE MIND. YOU ARE BECOMING -- YOU ARE -- UNNNGGGHHH! BEER! BIG TITS! YES. WE ARE BORG. WE LOVE BEER. WE LOVE BIG TITS. WE ARE GETTING A BONER! WE MUST BE MASTURBATED! WE WILL GO GET THE STROKE MAGAZINES AND THE TISSUES!

BIPED VS. THE BORG part 8 by biped 9-02-04

BEER! SPIKE TV! BONER! MASTURBATE! BIG TITS! UNNNGGGHHH! BORG MUST CHECK OURSELVES BEFO' WE WRECK OURSELVES, YO! THIS SPECIMEN IS UNFIT! FLY AWAY! FLY AWAY! Well, heck. I never even got to wear one of those cool uniforms. Oh, well... Treaty Time, Beany? UNNNNGGGHHHH!

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Dickity Doo 1 by biped 7-19-04

Drinking on the job again, eh? YOU'RE FIRED. Clear out your desk and get lost. That's IT! No more finely-aged dick cheese for you! I -- huh? That was YOU? Well, it didn't just appear on your desk every other Friday by MAGIC, asshole! It came from MY dick, and I packaged it all fancy like that MYSELF! Uh, well...perhaps I was a little hasty. *slurp* TOO LATE, Mr. Insensitive! It's back to KRAFT SINGLES for you!

Dickity Doo 2 by biped 7-19-04

And you say it's the finest-quality dick cheese available? And if I help you surreptitiously harvest it, I get half? QUIET! You'll wake him up! I think this is his bedroo -- YAAAA!!! Ah-HA! I had a feeling you'd pull something like this! I've been lying in wait for you! So, who's the goober in the trenchcoat? My neighbor, Ted. He inadvertently tasted one of your special cheese logs, and now he's got a smegma-encrusted monkey on his back.

Dickity Doo 3 by biped 7-19-04

Enough talk! Let's kill him and take the cheese! NO! We'd be killing the dick that laid the golden cheese! Well, well! Looks like I've got me a couple of DICK-CHEESE SLAVES! You BASTARD! You know we'd do anything for that sweet food of the gods that only YOUR DICK can provide! Later... WOW! This videotape of them FUCKING THEIR MOMS is GREAT! And I just harvested next week's cheese log while I was jerking off!

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

CC 250: The Stench Connection -- 1 by biped 7-06-04

Well, this is it. The last known residence of the sick, twisted bastard who calls himself "biped." What a shithole. He must be a throwback to the fucking Neanderthal age or something. That's an insult to Neanderthals, sergeant. Holy shit...check out this creep's fucking DVD collection. Horror, sci-fi, slasher flicks, bizarre sex stuff, and...oh my god... every known film in the "Star Trek" series. And those cartoony-looking ones? With the big-eyed geeks and disproportionately-endowed women? It's known as "anime", lieutenant. No doubt about it -- we're dealing with a very sick mind here.

CC 250: The Stench Connection -- 2 by biped 7-06-04

Good LORD -- nothing but porno. I've never seen such sick, twisted acts of perversion outside of a three-ring donkey circus. I checked out the kitchen. He appears to subsist solely on canned food, TV dinners, and beer. But at least it's Budweiser. The King of Beers. Gotta give him that much. Well, I've seen enough. Any more and I'd have to go somewhere and vomit. Do it outside then, lieutenant -- we're gonna to have to call in the toxic waste boys on that bathroom.

CC 250: The Stench Connection -- 3 by biped 7-06-04

Hey! What are you guys doing in my house? Nice of you to show up, biped! Ah...I see you shop at EZ-Mart. Classy. Where are my cats? Did you do something to my cats? Oh, a "cat person", eh? Well, that rounds out the old checklist...weirdo. Well, sergeant, it looks like our little "stripcreator" scam is really helping us clean up the streets. Who's next on the "user" list? Some goofball named "AtheistDiary." My god, lieutenant -- it's like a rogue's gallery of scum.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

The Theological-Discussion Dudes -- 1 by biped 5-27-04

So, have you lost all the feeling in your fingers and toes yet? Not quite...there's still a slight tingling sensation in my left foot. We're going to die out here, aren't we? Probably. Unless some deus ex machina comes along. Is that like a snow-cat or something? Yes, Biff. It's God's snow-cat.

The Theological-Discussion Dudes -- 2 by biped 5-27-04

Wow! God drives a snow-cat? Well...if Wayne Newton has one, then I'd imagine God has one. I don't know. Wayne Newton has an awful lot of stuff. Yes, but God created Wayne Newton. Oh, yeah. God must've been in a funny mood when He did that, huh? Biff, God's sense of humor is all around us.

The Theological-Discussion Dudes -- 3 by biped 5-27-04

Is us dying out here one of God's jokes? Well, Biff, it was our decision to take that shortcut through an Arctic wasteland. Oh, yeah...like, free will and stuff? Yes. Unless, of course, you heard God's voice telling you not to put enough gasoline in the car before we started out. No...it sounded more like my cousin Eddie's voice. Biff, your cousin Eddie hates you.

The Theological-Discussion Dudes -- 4 by biped 5-27-04

Maybe if we pray, God will help us. Good idea, Biff. Let's bow our heads in prayer. God, please help us out of this mess. Hey, the ice melted...we're saved. Thank You, God. Well, there's that deus ex machina I was hoping for. But, I didn't get to see God's snow-cat. We'll make a side trip to Vegas, then. Maybe we can see Wayne Newton's.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

This is my tribute to Karen and Richard Carpenter.

CC 244: Top Of The World -- 1 by biped 5-13-04

(We've only just beguuun...to liiiiive...white lace and promises...) Karen, I've decided to make a change in our musical direction. Really, Richard? How exciting. Can you see that I'm excited? Yes, Karen, I noticed the way that you suddenly moved your left nostril. (...a kiss for luck and we're oooon, our waaaaaaay...) Karen, I'm still talking to you.

CC 244: Top Of The World -- 2 by biped 5-13-04

(Hangin' arounnnd, nothin' to do but frooown, rainy days and Mondays always...) Karen, I've decided to destroy the world. Really, Richard? How would you do that? Oh, and...um...why? The world is a festering cesspool of violence and corruption. People are all inherently evil. They should be annihilated. Oh. Well, that's...(why do birds, suuuddenly appear...every time, you are neeear..) And we will use our music to facilitate the extinction of the entire human race, Karen. Karen?

CC 244: Top Of The World -- 3 by biped 5-13-04

I've been working on some brand new songs for you to sing, Karen...songs with hidden messages that will subliminally manipulate the minds of the listeners... (Siiing...sing a sooong...make it simple, to last your whole life loooong...) Here, try this one out...just make up a tune for now... Okay, Richard... sounds like fun...let's see...(Kiiill everyone, kill yourseeelves... impressionable youth, like happy little e-ee-elves...) Good, good...a little more up-tempo... (Shooot your neighbors, they are so baaad... merrilly waaaste...your mom and daaaad...)

CC 244: Top Of The World -- 4 by biped 5-13-04

Thanks for that warm welcome, everyone! Hey, here's a new song making its debut for you here tonight. Please listen to the words very carefully. (I'm on the... top of the wooorld, lookin'...down on cre-aaa-tion...) (And the only explan-aaa-tion I can fiiiind...) (...is the horror of liiife, so go on and kill your wiiife...) (...yes, it's time for the destruc-tion of the wooorld...) (So get a kni-iii-fe, and start a-cuttin'... if you're in power, puuush a button...)

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

CC 244: Top Of The World -- 5 by biped 5-13-04

(Oh yes, your faamily is evil...exterminate 'em lahk dat ol' boll wee-vil...) (...use what-ever means you caaan... to wipe out your fel-low maaan...) (...and that goes for babies, tooo... so just toss 'em in a steeewww...) (...go on and skin your friends aliiiive...don't stop at four, skin fiiiive...) (...and if you're in the mi-li-tary...drop all your bombs, it'll be sooo mer-ry...) (...oh, imagine all the mirrrrth...when rotting corp-ses cover the Earrrth...)

CC 244: Top Of The World -- 6 by biped 5-13-04

(Then get dad's guuun off the shelf... and pump a few sluuugs into your-self...) (Oh, it's so wondrous...the de-struc-tion of the woooorld.) Hmm. It worked. Yes, Richard...I can see that it did. (Loooong agooo...and oh, so faaar awaaay...) Wow. Destroying the world made me really hungry. How about you? Yes...I could eat a horse, and then throw it up.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

CC 244: Pickin' and Singin' -- 1 by biped 5-17-04

Marcia, you know that musical group that you and I and the rest of us kids are in? Sure, Greg! I think it's really groovy! ("It's a sunshine daaay...") Yeah, that's the kind of junk I'm talking about. Don't you think that we sorta...you know...suck? "Suck"? You mean like, popsicles? Or lollypops? Or those long, hard Slo-Poke bars that you can suck on all day? Greg? Are you going to be in the bathroom much longer? Greg?

CC 244: Pickin' and Singin' -- 2 by biped 5-17-04

Darn it, I've got to write some better songs. Something besides clowns and beanstalks. Why not write a song about picking your nose and eating the boogers, Greg? "Oh, I'm knuckle-deep, baby that's the trick... diggin' this righteous-ass nose-pick..." "I'm pickin' 'em out and scarfin' 'em down...come with me, baby, to Boogertown!" Hmm...boogers. That's something that hasn't been done to death. Yeah, and we can pick our noses and eat the boogers while we're singing about it!

CC 244: Pickin' and Singin' -- 3 by biped 5-17-04

Guys, Bobby has come up with a great new idea. From now on, we're going to sing about eating boogers. EWWWW!!! Are you out of your MIND!!! GROSS!!! It's my hair, isn't it? It's not as pretty as Marcia's hair -- that's what you think is ruining the group, isn't it, Greg? ISN'T IT? I think it's a *NEE* -- *NEEE* -- neat-o idea, Greg! Sorry, my voice is changing again! Me and Greg have already written eleven new songs about picking our boogers and eating them! Gee, that'th thwell! And I jutht made pee-pee in my pant'th!

CC 244: Pickin' and Singin' -- 4 by biped 5-17-04

AND NOW...the CHICK CHALMERS SHOW presents...THE BOOGER-EATIN' BRADYS! HEY, everybody, let's GO! One, two, three, four -- Boogerth, boogerth, boogerth! They're fun to eat! Sock 'em to me, Hazel! They're a nasal treat! Hi, everybody! My name is PE-EE-ETE! They're more fun to eat than lickin' Alice's feet!

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

CC 244: Pickin' and Singin' -- 5 by biped 5-17-04

They're -- OMIGOD -- GAG!!! -- better tasting than filet mignon! I pick my nose and eat the boogers with...with my PANTIES on? OH, GREG -- BARF!!! A booger thandwich with muthtard ith tho great! I eat my boogers while I mas-tur-bate! Hi, everybody! My name is PE-EE-ETE! They're more fun to eat than beatin' Sam the butcher's meat!

CC 244: Pickin' and Singin' -- 6 by biped 5-17-04

PICK... BOOGERS... EAT... MASTURBATE... PANTIES...! Mr. Brady! Mrs. Brady! I think you should hear this! Oh, those wacky kids today. They seem to have a language all their own. Huh, Mrs. Brady? But you know what, Mr. Brady? We "old fogeys" have OUR own language, too. The language...of LOVE. Oh, Mike...OH, MIKE...THERE! No, wait...THERE! Carol...you know that sampler you were needle-pointing earlier? I think it's blocking me.