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| Hello, Ma'am. Denise Hardkock, Channel 3 news. Could you tell me how you feel about your husbands gruesome murder? | |
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| God, it was horrible! He was mutilated and chopped into tiny little pieces! There was blood and skin and parts of organs... | |
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| And could you tell me what your initial reaction was? | |
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| I was horrified! I couldn't believe someone would do that to my beloved Frank! I cried so hard I shat myself, then threw up on... | |
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| Sorry to cut your report short, Denise, but we have some breaking news: Flippy the Squirrel has entered the Guiness book for completing 257 consecutive backwards somersaults! | |
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| We take you now to Diane Flippincunt for a Live Report! | |
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