Did You Relish This? by smamurai 12-04-05

This burger you made me is funny. Funny like a clown? No, funny tasting. Funny like spunk? Have you made me a funny burger? Funny like a clowns spunk burger?

Where's the Beef? by smamurai 10-12-05

I wanna see your face when you cum. Here you go honey, Is this your passport? The pics a few years old and pre-op but it's still a good likeness. Hey, who let in the draught?

Dr. Corrupto - Hollywood Psychiatrist Session3 by smamurai 10-12-05

Mary is schizophrenic with over 16 personalites. I want my mommy! Pwease help me find my mommy. Poppy, I need to speak to Mary. Can you find her for me? It's lucky for her then, that she is married to top Hollywood Psychiatrist, Dr. Corrupto. Mary's not here at the moment Doc. Wanna shoot some hoops? No Bubba you lazy stereotype, I'd like to speak to my wife Mary. I haven't spoken to her for two hours. Can you get her for me? Darling it's Mary. I can't go on like this. Please help me I... Mary can you MAKE MY SANDWICH NOW? I'm fucking starving over here!

Finding a Positive by smamurai 12-04-05

Doc, my hives are getting worse. Yup. There's good news, bad news and pretty shitty news. The pretty shitty news is, I may have to get glasses Sucks for you. What's the bad news? You have H.I.V How can there be an upside? It turns out you never had hives.

SSSO... YOU IS FAN OF SAID TURKEY?!?!! by smamurai 12-04-05

That painting is for sale sir. I talk turkey. I thought you might. 'GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE' 20 minutes later... The police are here. 'GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE'

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GOVT. Warning: Do not smoke around children they will badger you for fags.

On a Roll by smamurai 12-04-05

It's bad news isn't it Doc? To put things into perspective. You had as much chance of catching AIDS from that toilet-seat as you do of winning the lottery. You think I was worrying over nothing? No, I think you should buy a lottery ticket because YOU'RE ON FIRE!

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GOVT. Warning: Do not smoke around children they will badger you for fags.

I liked them all, except for the first two.

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

Minority Winter Resort by smamurai 12-20-05

Let's hit the slopes! Frikken ay nigger They hate our kind I'm Eskimo, bitch

Scaterogical by smamurai 12-20-05

Your son passed a dirty note to a girl in class today. Did it contain the 'C' word? It simply said, 'You make me feel funny in my tummy'. What's so dirty about a message from the heart? I am afraid this message came from the ass. It was written with a piece of feces. I think I may be to blame. I left a piece of feces on the breakfast bar this morning. He must have stolen it.

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GOVT. Warning: Do not smoke around children they will badger you for fags.

Sighing Over Spilt Beans.

I can't be arsed making supper. Light the stove and bend over. I'm gonna test that little theory of yours.

by smamurai, 12-30-05

A Bolt From the Blue by smamurai 12-30-05

Let me go in Sarge. No constable, I need you to cover my back this time. Just the back mind, not the hair.

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GOVT. Warning: Do not smoke around children they will badger you for fags.