Just wondered what you seasoned veterans thought of my efforts thus far and if I'm going wrong, in what direction do I need to head. Cheers.

Mr Sadman - Online Dating by Blue_Penguin 1-31-06

You have mail. Lets see. Porn, Nigerian money scam, delete, penis enlargement, save, porn, sex phone chat, online dating matches, open. Name: Mary. Age: 21-36. Hair: Blonde. Eyes: 2. Married: No answer. Weight: No answer. Kids: No answer. Interests: Clubbing and TV. Ah bollox to it. I only had a date with the right hand anyway this weekend I'll give her a bell. Alright luv. I aint got fucking long as the babysitter cancelled on me again. Fancy a quick pint, kebab and a fumble down the alley? Here we go again... At least she isn't wearing Burberry I suppose.

Mr Sadman : Answers by Blue_Penguin 2-02-06

Father I'm so depressed. I have no friends, no girl and a dead end job. The only time I'm truely happy is when I'm killing folk in BF2. What should I do? Hmm. Have you ever considered suicide? What?! Does it not say in John verse 2:1. If thou are a massive wanker should ye not end one’s own misery and the suffering of those around ye. Er but if I commit suicide I wont be allowed into heaven. Indeed. Now piss off out of my sight before I set the nuns on ya! Oh and may god be with you.

Mr Sadman : Fooled Again by Blue_Penguin 2-02-06

I could have stayed at home watching Bridget Jones Diary tonight... Look at that sad cunt over there on his own. Lets go over and take the piss. You flirt with him whilst I steal his wallet and make V signs over his head. Aw leave him alone he looks sad and kind of cute. I'm going to say hello. Oh er hello I'm er, er, Donald. I love Star Trek, Computers and my mum's home cooking. What's your name? Nice tits by the way. Shit.

It's a cows life : Joke by Blue_Penguin 2-02-06

Well you've gotta laugh haven't you. At what? When somebody tells you a good joke. Yeah, you've got to laugh. I suppose. Thought so. Chris have you been smoking grass again?

Granny turns tricks by Blue_Penguin 2-01-06

Yo yo yo bitch where you been at? You cut on me again and I'm going to have to slap your sorry big fat hairy ass. You dig. Sorry boss I had to go to the hospital and get a new bag fitted. The doctors also told me to tell you that I can no longer do anal as I have an unhappy crack. The doctors?! Who the fuck are the "doctors" and what are they doing messing with my bitches! In the future you want medical adivce you call me. Dr. Luurve. Ok dear you know best. You've probed me more than any of those fools. I'm ready to turn tricks so fast my false teeth and hip are going to fall out. Have I got time for a cup of tea? Alright sailor. Fancy the ride of your life on the sturdiest ship in port with the most experienced captain. You get a tea and scone afterwards free of charge. Go on then. Do I have to pay extra for the false teeth to come out?

I think they're almost good. But what do I know, I only have one comic.

---
What brad thinks of Oriana: sweet my money bell went off