The second in our special guests for the barnstorming tour is me. I was one of the second people crabby had in mind when he thought of guest stars and I didn't disappoint with this series, especially since I no longer think about anything else except Willard Scott's severed head and musical shoe babies.

El Paso Pt.1 by crabby 3-13-06

I've been tracking murderer for days. I fear that he is aware of my presence somehow. Dude, seriously, I've got a headache and that GPS device is making this humming noise. Could you just turn it off for a bit. Perhaps if I don't move he won't be able to see me. Hey, where did you go? Could it be-- I'm just fucking with you, lets go get breakfast.

El Paso Pt.2 by biped 3-13-06

He's bluffing. If he could see me, he would run away. Man, my mommy and daddy were eaten by alligators. Would you please be my new daddy? No, I don't have time to be this "new daddy" you seek. I am tracking a murderer. You are? Where is he now? He's right -- FUCK! You ditzy little SHITHEAD! HA ha! The murderer got away-ay! The murderer got away-ay! NYAH-NYAAAAH!

El Paso Pt. 3 by crabby 3-13-06

I suppose I can be your dad for a bit now. So what do you kids do now days? Internet. Perhaps I can use you as bait. Are you prepared to try and get a murderer to find you. Why would he want to find me? Because of your sassy Myspace page. I have 2 pics where you can see my bra strap.

El Paso Pt. 4 by biped 3-13-06

...and then this dumb little girl distracted him, so I got away. BOY OH BOY! If I were you, I'd MARRY that little girl! But Dad, I can't marry a little girl! That's -- AGAINST THE LAW! So? I married your mother when she was five, didn't I? Why -- you SURE DID! And that worked out GREAT! AND, it was HER idea to name you "MR. BUTTHOLE!"

El Paso Pt. 5 by crabby 3-13-06

I'm afraid my blackberry is blowin' up and I can't be your daddy anymore, but I'll leave you my stunt double. I guess I'm your new dad. Wanna play Candy Land? CALM THE FUCK DOWN! I DON'T WANNA HAVE TO USE THIS LASER. Mouse Trap?

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

El Paso Pt. 6 by biped 3-13-06

A-HA! I KNEW I'd seen her before! Her MySpace username is "Diddle-Me Sally"! Hey, she likes Sammy Hagar, and -- OMFG!!! BRA STRAP!!! ***SPLOOOGE!!!*** MOM-MYYYYY!!! I ADORE YOU! LET'S GET MARRIED! Okay, Daddy!

El Paso Pt. 7 by crabby 3-13-06

I'm afraid I can't let you marry that lil lady. She's actually my daughter. I'M HER FATHER! Nope. I'm her birth father, you're just a stunt double for a guy who played with her for like 10 minutes. SHE MADE ME A FATHERS DAY CARD! It's not even father's day. Gee...I guess I sort of let things go to my head.

El Paso Pt. 8 by biped 3-13-06

NO, STUPID COWBOY! I AM MARRYING OUR DAUGHTER SALLY! WHAT THE FUCK?!? I'LL PHASER YOU IN HALF IF YOU TRY TO -- I'LL CHOP YOUR HEAD OFF IF -- hey, where's Sally? Why didn't you go before the ceremony, dearest? Cuz I didn't have to GO then!

El Paso Pt. 9 by crabby 3-13-06

Are you sure this is what you want? Really bad! I now pronouce you husband and wife. You may pee in the potty. So, you mormons just make up the rules as you go along huh?

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

I laughed! I cried! I wet myself alittle!

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The following statement its true. The previous statement is false

(:D
Smiley says fun!

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the kid's getting old, the kid's getting old