This is last year's news, but I only just figured out it's not a joke:

A&E doctors are calling for a ban on long pointed kitchen knives to reduce deaths from stabbing.

My favorite passage:

"The study found that links between easy access to domestic knives and violent assault are long established. French laws in the 17th century decreed that the tips of table and street knives be ground smooth."

Wait, wasn't there a slight problem with the French government in the 17th and 18th centuries? GEE I DON'T REMEMBER! LET'S EMULATE THEM!

Honestly, in what kind of country could officials propose this with a straight face? Americans would stab them to death.

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And isn't it ROFLMFAO that the French aristocracy banned pointy knives only to have their heads chopped off by guillotines?

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I really love the "appalling wound" inflicted by a kitchen knife. It was so appalling that I couldn't finish my lunch. Oh wait, I did.

I learned something valuable today. I learned that my disposable safety razor can make the same "appalling wound" on my nether regions. I hope someone takes it away from me before I hurt myself or others.

It's obvious that knives can inflict deadly damage, I'm just amused at their choice of words with that picture.

P.S. Safety razors hurt. A lot. All day.

Oh yeah, glass bottles are dangerous. Last week I broke one and cut my finger.

So is a piece of weathered gypsum. A week and a half ago I sliced a good chunk from the tip of my finger off with one.

And don't get me started on cat claws.

[IMG]http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b5/boorite/Martha_Stewart_Everyday_Full_Tang_1.jpg[/IMG]

MARTHA STEWART: DEATH MERCHANT

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Hey! That's the set we have!

So, who wants to come visit?

[Click to view comic: 'Assarchy in the UK']

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OK, maybe Brits shouldn't trusted with dangerous things like pointed knives, fire, and cars:

A motorist drove for 60 miles at speeds of 135mph after the accelerator on his BMW car jammed and his brakes failed.

Isn't there this thing called the ignition switch?

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Are you two unable to just have this conversation over a nice meal?

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Dad was flammable

How could anyone talk with all those knives just laying about? You could almost say they are waiting,
for what? Who knows. Just one moment of weakness then

BAM!

Its all over!

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The following statement its true. The previous statement is false

We spend our meals in the chatroom. Duh.

That's what we're doing.

Dumbass.

Remind me to stab you next time you're here.

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I should have made this thread about the lameness of some newbie so it would run into the hundreds of pages.

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If I had posted this thread, dcom would have told me to shut up on the first reply. So don't feel too bad.

I take it back. I should have made it about one of those new electric video games.

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topical and HILARIOUS!

....

see it's video game concept art based on zombies and stabbing...

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Our liability coverage is zero. Our balls however are enormous.

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Almost as lame as slash fic.

Almost.

I used that pic in my Brickido fencing manual.

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They will have to pry my kitchen knife out of my COLD DEAD HANDS.

They will have to pry my kitchen knife out of their cold dead spleen

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YOU CAN HAVE MY KNIFE WHEN YOU PRY IT FROM MY FINGERS THAT ARE ALL STICKY WITH YOUR BLOOD

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In a related piece, America has introduced a new, anti-violence campaign called "Don't Be A Dick".

Apparently, being a dick is the number one cause of gunshot and stab wounds in the U.S.

People can still keep their guns and knives in case somebody starts acting like a dick, however.

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I wanted my half in the middle and I wound up on the edge.