My Top Five (for beginners):

Pennies by MathiasSmith 8-20-05

Huh, that's funny, I taste copper. Heheh, you hidin' pennies in your mouth, boy? OH GOD I THINK I'M DYING YOU BEST NOT BE HIDIN' MONEY FROM ME BOY So "arterial blockage" means he choked on the pennies he was hiding in his mouth, right?

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The Great Debate by MathiasSmith 2-04-06

You know, when you straddle a dolphin, it's not really much different than straddling a rubber-clad human. They're smart animals, they know what's going on. AND THEY LIKE IT. DAMMIT WE ENDED THIS CONVERSATION FIVE MINUTES AGO

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And the walls shall bleed once a month... by MathiasSmith 4-22-06

A miscarriage, can you believe that? How terribly sad. Her and Rod were so excited... Oh yes, quite sad. So, do you think her uterus is haunted now or what?

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Perpetual Energy Machine by MathiasSmith 5-26-06

So this is the "Perpetual Energy Machine" you wanted to show me? Yup. You've duct taped the end of a Super Nintendo wire to a hamster wheel. There isn't even a hamster. As an engineer, this is the worst product prototype I've ever seen. Fuck you.

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I can not encourage such beliefs, talking computer. by MathiasSmith 6-12-06

So glad you've decided to adopt, Mrs. Phone. Over there's little Lamont Adams. His mother was murdered when he was three, his father killed himself shortly after, and he has sickle-cell. Ohhhh, that's so horrible. It really makes you appreciate all the blessings in your own life. Sooo...you have one in white?

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New Comics:

Blade 4: Own the Quadrilogy by MathiasSmith 7-22-06

Huh, looks like they finally bought a t.v. for the bar area. Some mothafucka always tryin' to skate uphill. Heheh, yeah. Wait, what?

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From the Biography of Elvis Presley... by MathiasSmith 7-22-06

Why is there ice in the urinal? ...Has my concept of what a urinal is been wrong for so long? Of course! They've been converted into fountains for this hot summer! This some European shit, but I am rather parched... Man, your breath smells like ammonia. Yes, for that is the flavor of MAXIMUM QUENCHEDNESS.

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oh boy guys i sure do hope he dies - PART 1, VOLUME 1 by MathiasSmith 7-22-06

IN THE GALACTUS STRIPZ... Hey Abraxas, have you heard about this Israel and Lebanon shit? Yes, Todd...yes I have. So...you gonna make some topical and edgy jokes about it or...something? No, I do not think I will. I can't continue to live in a world of such violence. I hope you find peace some day, m'boy. As for me... DAYUM. My cock's already hard from the excitement. I poisoned myself ten minutes ago.

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These are glorious. I deem thee awesome.

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the kid's getting old, the kid's getting old

They're okay. I don't shit on them.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

And I like them even better this morning.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.