My new serial is now underway.

Retronarcissus 1: My bluesy tuesday by 0401040 1-22-07

Meanwhile, far above the Planet Earth. So, yeah, I'm sorry I missed your call, but I was... Captain, I'm over here. You don't have to keep talking to me on the communicator. Listen, I'll have to call you back later.

Retronarcissus 3: Probably out to lunch by 0401040 1-22-07

Captain, you don't understand, the colonists on Thaylar Prime are under attack. Attack you say? Yes attack. And you're here thinking about gratuitous sex. Gratuitous sex you say? Captain, if you don't shut up and listen to me, I might have to punch you in the face. In the face you say?

Retronarcissus 4: Boss odb-3 bass overdrive by 0401040 1-25-07

And then, on Thaylar Prime... Any life signs? I can't tell. The tetracorder seems to be malfunctioning due to the radiation. Yo, sexy-pants, run an orbital scan for me sweetie. What? Captain, I must insist you stop referring to Lieutenant Brian Selkirk as sexy-pants.

Retronarcissus 5: Find the time to develop my mind by 0401040 1-26-07

Who are we looking for again? The ambassador of the Thaylari government. I've never even heard of these "Thaylari". What do they look like? Hello there. HOLY FUCK, MOTHER OF GOD IT'S HORRIBLE!

Retronarcissus 7: Diplomat extraordinaire by 0401040 1-30-07

Okay, you guys need help defending your planet from the Quizalian Empire, right? I think at last, after seven hours of explaining, you finally understand what we told you in our distress call several days ago. So, these Quizalians are what exactly? As I have already explained, they are a proud warrior race seeking to expand their Empire So what's wrong with that? Okay, that's it, fuck off.

Okay, so I'm a big geek. So sue me.

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The tongue licking the ars of pretension.

Actually, except for episode 5 (which fails because visual gags are no good when everyone's used to the stock art already), these were really good.  And I'm not even a Trekkie.  (Though I am somewhat of a geek.)

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peddling the funny around since 09/24/2002

Funny in and of themselves.  Great job!

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Penguins are taking over the universe. Just ask Stuper Dan! SD: ? Yes. That's right. He's knows SO much about it he's clueless!

i want to see where this is going! MOAR!!!

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Our liability coverage is zero. Our balls however are enormous.

I'm not entirely sure where it's going, but I have some rough idea how it's going to get there (a second story thread colliding with the original).

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The tongue licking the ars of pretension.

Retronarcissus 12: For which no record exists by 0401040 2-18-07

Meanwhile, back on Earth. This is the place. Are you sure? It looks like a paper store to me. Positive. This is the headquarters of Toraz Corporation. Okay. Actually, I think this might be a paper store. What gives you that idea? Is it these endless piles of paper by any chance?

Retronarcissus 14: Rage against the matress by 0401040 2-18-07

This is definitely it this time. It'd better be, or I'm going to punch you. Okay, apparently the CEO is in the boardroom. Go get him tiger. No more cruelty to animals! We demand you stop the unethical testing of your products on animals immediatly. But sir, this is a dog food company...

Retronarcissus 15: Stranded starfish have no place to hide by 0401040 2-22-07

Meanwhile, on Thaylar Prime. Again. Hmm, something's not right. You're right, I really shouldn't have eaten that lasagna for breakfast. My tetracorder is picking up a radioactive signature that coincides with Earth's nuclear arms technology. What does that mean? Sir, I can't be sure, but I believe the weapons that caused this devastation may have been supplied by... EARTH?! Dun dun duuuuuuun....

Retronarcissus 18: That a creature became my deepest wish by 0401040 3-13-07

So, what, you're here to protest animal testing by Toraz Dog Food corporation too? Well, no, we're actually here for a much less retarded reason. Oh yeah? You see, we have evidence that Earthtech have supplied arms to an alien world for the purpose of invasion of another world. I must admit, that is signifiantly less retarded. To a gargantuan degree.

 You see? That's where it was going!

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The tongue licking the ars of pretension.

spork

I love that line.

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peddling the funny around since 09/24/2002

Generally speaking I try not to use the word retarded, because I feel like it's an easy laugh, and I think it's wrong to make fun of the mentally disabled because they are mentally disabled.

But the truth is the word is flat out funny.

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The tongue licking the ars of pretension.

Gargantuanly less retarded.

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What others say about boorite!

These comics are loltarded. Which means they make me lol in a way that resembles a happy retarded child.

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the kid's getting old, the kid's getting old

And more.

Retronarcissus 19: Incredibly dismal pathetic chord sequence by 0401040 3-20-07

The unwashed fellow outside informed me that this is probably the headquarters of Earthtech. Let's go find those bastard suits. And so... Do we really have to wait for them here? Everybody needs to use the bathroom at some point during their day. You know, everybody needs to drink as well, we'd probably be as well waiting at a watercooler. Woah, a condom machine!

Retronarcissus 21: Caledonia mahogany's elbows by 0401040 4-03-07

Who are you, and why are you dressed like a clown? I'm the CEO of Earthtech, and I'm dressed this way for charity. CEO of Earthtech huh? You supplied arms to Quizalia to aid in their conquest of Thaylar Prime, right? Right? ... I refuse to make further comment without the presence of my attorney.

Retronarcissus 23: Glass stars fallen and shattered by 0401040 4-16-07

Okay sir, I'm going to have to ask you to leave on authority of the CEO of Earthtech. I'll have you know I'm a starship Captain. Sir, I'm going to have to ask to see your Captain's licence. Fuck you.

Retronarcissus 24: Syndic called he wants his money by noon by 0401040 4-24-07

So, did you find the guy? What guy? The CEO of Earthtech, he was dressed like a clown. No, we just got kicked out of the building. I think you need to take this to the President of Earth Aw, do I have to? She's a total bitch...

Retronarcissus 27: Staring into the reflection of a mirror by 0401040 4-24-07

So what is it that you want Captain? I have urgent news. Earthtech have been trading weapons offworld for use in illegal warfare. Ah, the Quizalians right? Good to hear everything went as planned. Wait, what? You were in on it? Come on Captain, the Thaylari are so damned ugly they are an insult upon God. They must be destroyed before their heresy spreads. You're one to talk.

Note: There's a story going here, but I don't really want to post every single strip but you know, you can totally check it out if you like.

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The tongue licking the ars of pretension.

Retronarcissus 29: Stravinsky sorbet served on the sly by 0401040 4-29-07

So what do we do now? Uh, you just kidnapped the President of Earth. Either we run, or we'll go to Prison. Prison? I can't go to prison... You know what they do to guys like me in prison. I would have thought that would be right up your alley. Up my alley? Yes Captain, right up it.

Retronarcissus 31: Angels in the electric chair by 0401040 5-04-07

Far above the world... I've got money, I'll give you anything you want. Don't try anything stupid madam President. I'll have sex with you... Eughck! Well? How about it sailor? For the last time madam President, I am not putting my dick in you.

 Looks like it's descended into vulgarity.

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The tongue licking the ars of pretension.

Retronarcissus 23 is one of the funniest things I have seen in days.

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I am a delicate fucking flower. https://beacons.ai/jesskent

I use that pregnant pause technique a lot, possibly too much, but I do love it so.

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The tongue licking the ars of pretension.

Retronarcissus 32: Ixion your horn is a shining thing by 0401040 5-14-07

Back on Earth, yet again... Hi, I came to pick up some of my stuff. Be quiet alright, I just put Jonas to bed. Are you sure we can't work this out? We've been over this... Can't we just have sex one more time? Go back to bed Jonas! Your Daddy was just leaving.

There's more, but it's pretty much all arc-related stuff, and you probably don't care.

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The tongue licking the ars of pretension.